Gently,if he were remorseful,he would WANT to go to MC. He would be doing everything he could to be a safe partner for you,and to fix his issues that causes him to cheat.
Going to MC with a WH who is unwilling to participate will do FAR more harm than good.
I suggest you go to IC. And make him going to IC a requirement for R..and hold firm to that. Then,after both of you have been to IC for awhile,then go to MC.
He is embarrassed? Helping heal you,the marriage,and himself should be FAR more important than any embarrassment.
You feel like he's not putting in any effort..because he's not.
Oh..and a brand new WS talking about forgiveness..yeah..that's a sure sign that he isn't remorseful. Forgiveness is earned..over a long time..with consistent,honest actions. Expecting forgiveness now is an indicator that he wants to rugsweep.
And tell him what I told WH when he told me I deserved better...HELL YES you do..so BE better. It will take a lot of work to r after an affair..if he wants to be deserving of you,then he needs to earn it..and DO the work.
New BS's often mistake tears and regret for remorse. True remorse takes time. But once a WS truly "gets it,"you will notice the difference. It will be like night and day.
What is he doing to show you he wants to R?
Is he transparent? Do you have full access to all of his accounts and his phone..passwords too?
Is he answering all of your questions without blame,anger,or defensiveness?
Did he write a NC email to OW..and you sent it?
Has he dropped all friends who knew about the A?
Is he reading any books? Is he on SI?
Did he get tested for STD's?
What is he doing?
M: June 2001
Status: Reconciled. Love my "new" husband!
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.