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I am having a hard time understanding all of my emotions. I spent so many years just trying to survive through the day that I don't think that I even had emotions anymore. My counselor said that I was about two days from dead.

Anyway, I can finally see him for what he is and it is such a dissappointment that it still puts me in shock. He is a lier, cheater, abuser, manipulator, addict, sociopath, NPD...

But I still cry because all that I wanted was a H that loved me and raise our kids to gether until we were old. To know that he married me to use me still just breaks my heart.

I know most people would probably just be mad, but I only have a short puff of anger and the rest is just cry cry cry.

I thought that I had my life figured out. He changed my life forever and didn't even have one conversation with me about any unhappiness.

My counselor told me "he was not committed to being honest with you. He told you what he had to, but there are so many other women that he can't even remember them all"...:-(

I can't help but think "why wasn't I good enough"

Does this ever go away? I am tired of crying and we are getting D. I need to move on, but my heart is still broken.

H has seemed to have no issues moving on and that hurts too.

(((HUGS)))

A sociopath will have no problem moving on. Please don't compare yourself to someone like that.

Take all the time you need to grieve the death of your dreams, the death of your marriage, all of it. There are many layers of emotions & perspectives which you need to comb through and process. Learning to accept your reality is actually an enormous undertaking. It can't be rushed.

You know, there were plenty of times our exes fell short, yet we remained because we loved them and believed in giving our relationships not only our best efforts, but our faith in their meaning.

You aren't unworthy. You are dealing with an incredibly painful life event.
It doesn't detract from your value, just because you placed value in a relationship that they siphoned the respectability and honor and love from.
That was them, not you.

Hang in there.

(((Hugs)))