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How do you keep calm about the "what ifs"?

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hangingontohope7 posted 8/23/2013 11:51 AM

I'm really struggling with all of the what ifs and worst case senarios that could play out during the divorce process.

During the first few days STBXWH "promised" that he would keep things civil. That has clearly not happened given his actions over the past 2 months. He has no regard for my feelings.

So far he hasn't done anything extremely harmful to the children but he has made threats to take them from me.

I have been going above and beyond with regards to him seeing and contacting the kids. But he has been recently doing and saying things that make me wonder if he is trying to pull some stunt or atleast make more threats. I've been in contact with my attorney but there is nothing I can do and if I keep the kids from him it makes me look bad.

He can have an affair and ignore his children's existence for months while he is out with OW. He can treat us like garbage and force all of his poor decisions on us. But, now that its all in the open, I'm the one being scrutinized. And there isn't a damn thing I can do about his affair. It doesn't mean anything in the eyes of the court! Its unfair!

I'm a good mom. I never wanted my kids to suffer through this and I now there isn't anything I can do about it. It seems so unfair. I'm becoming terrified that I will do or say one wrong thing and he will try to hold it over me. I'm scared he is going to push for more custody, not because he really wants them, but because it will hurt me. I don't understand what I did to make him hate me so much. I'm overwhelmed and I've been going to IC but I'm afraid that somehow he will use that against me too. That he will claim I'm unfit or unstable. Maybe I'm just being paranoid. My entire sense of security has been stripped from me by the one person I should have been able to trust with anything. I'm becoming afraid to speak up to him about certain issues, for fear he will turn it around and say I'm being unfair or making it difficult to see the kids. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Sorry if this is rambling. Just trying to get all the emotions out.

horaliar posted 8/23/2013 12:01 PM

I completely understand what you're going thru. I haven't made up my mind about a separation/divorce yet because of what you are fearing. I don't have any advice for you, just wanted to let you know that I know the feeling very well, the frustration, how the A isn't taken into consideration by the courts when deciding custody, it is very, very unfair.

TrustGone posted 8/23/2013 14:16 PM

I unfortuantely underestimated my XWH#1 and the extremes he would go to with the kids. He has alientated both of my children (now grown) from me with lies he has told them. He has brain washed my DS19 to the point that he wants nothing to do with me anymore. It is heart breaking and unfair, but there is nothing I can do about it. My DS will not believe anything I say about his dad and I have always tried not to speak ill of him to the kids. Now they are both just as mental as he is and believe all his lies about me. I don't know why some people have to be this way after a D and subject their children to this type of abuse. I know he was pissed off that I filed for D because he never thought I would have the balls to do it. Then when I married someone else that really put fire to his flame. Hopefully, just like the rest of his family, the kids will someday see him for the lying, cheating, stealing, manipulator he is.

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