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Court on Monday...Nerves are Starting

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Elaine2012 posted 8/23/2013 11:57 AM

NC has made my life bearable. I've moved out mid April. After 9 months of in house seperation. We had a court date on May and I never looked at him. And aside from the one time I drove past him(without so much as a glance his way) I haven't seen him. I haven't been nervous at all after years of walking on egg shells. It has felt really liberating!

I have a pretrial court date on Monday and my stomach is starting to churn a little bit. I have done my best to remember it's going to be OK. That I can do this. I can look out for my own interests. I'm going to go through item by item and see what he has wants offer as a settlement. I just have to remember that if it's not in my best interest I don't have to agree to what is proposed. I'm fully prepared to go to trial. I'd rather not but I will if necessary.

I'm worried that he is going to try to call all the shots. I guess in a way he already has. I didn't want to ever be divorced and here I am. After dday when he told me he didn't want to married he hasn't looked back.

I'm just venting to try to get it out of my system. Requesting mojo or prayers as you are inclined. Thanks!

Kajem posted 8/23/2013 12:06 PM

You will be OK.

Have you looked at each item and assigned it a value ( current used price) the. Pick out what you want to have. What you feel you can live without, what you don't want. Then look at it with him in mind. It will give you an idea of what you can negotiate with for a fair and equitable distribution of assets. This little exercise really helped me name what was important to me and to him.

Hugs,

K

Nature_Girl posted 8/23/2013 14:59 PM

I was TERRIFIED on the date of our first trial. Scared to frickin' death. So I wrote a comforting, inspiring note to myself where only I could see it on my trial evidence binder. My lawyer thought I was crazy. I also brought with me a small string of pretty beads given to me by a friend. There's a little religious story that goes with them, so just suffice it to say I held the beads in my hand & kept my thoughts centered on my spiritual mandates to be honest & courageous. My lawyer thought I was even more crazy.

These two things helped me keep myself focused, centered and not afraid.

jo2love posted 8/23/2013 15:37 PM

(((Elaine2012)))

Sending you strength, mojo, and good thoughts. We will be there with you in spirit.

Elaine2012 posted 8/23/2013 15:53 PM

Thank you for the encouragement! I will get through this.

I also brought with me a small string of pretty beads given to me by a friend.
I like the idea of having something to hold onto. It could help to keep me grounded.

I practice keeping a slight smile on my face so as not to have a scowl which I do when I am stressed and worried. Nothing over the top. I don't want to look crazy even if I might be feeling crazy on the inside. Also must remind myself not to eye roll when something stupid is said. I'd look like this
all through court.

I spoke with my L today. She thought if we can't settle Monday we try to leave with a mediator picked and get something set up. Mostly because unless we are in court there is no communication from his side at all.

I want this to be done! I'm ready for my NB.

nowiknow23 posted 8/23/2013 16:31 PM

Assume that he WILL try to call all the shots. Also assume that he will show his ass.

Although you want this done, you will not let that show. You are the epitome of calm, cool, and collected. He cannot touch you with his smallness, his pettiness, his arrogance, or any other rusty object from his ancient manipulation toolbelt.

You've got this, Elaine. And we are all there with you.

Elaine2012 posted 8/23/2013 16:56 PM

Although you want this done, you will not let that show. You are the epitome of calm, cool, and collected. He cannot touch you with his smallness, his pettiness, his arrogance, or any other rusty object from his ancient manipulation toolbelt.

NIK exactly what I needed to read. I've been thinking that with his NPD he will eventually make an ass of himself. My L saw some of it in May. I've since informed her I'm dealing with someone who has many traits of NPDPA. I just have to let him open his mouth and it will show.

Must Survive posted 8/23/2013 18:05 PM

Elaine,

My mediation was last week. I took my 3x5 cards with my affirmations and positive thoughts on them. I could shuffle through them and remind myself of all the good things.

Good luck!

peridot posted 8/23/2013 21:31 PM

(((Elaine2012)))

Sending mojo

mandan66 posted 8/23/2013 22:18 PM

Elaine,
My mediation was last week also. Go slow, take deep (quiet) breaths, and just look at it like a business deal, as it really is. Before you walk in, focus on something really positive, and just remind yourself that no matter what happens, you have survived worse. It works!

Elaine2012 posted 8/26/2013 10:12 AM

Just a few hours now I'm mostly calm. Mostly. Prayers have been said. Probably wont' stop those for several more hours. Cards are written. Work for a few hours and then off to face whatever happens today. Wish me luck.

Must Survive posted 8/26/2013 10:15 AM

Mojo today Elaine2012!

You got this!

Elaine2012 posted 8/26/2013 10:56 AM

Except they just postponed!!!!!

soveryweary posted 8/26/2013 13:10 PM

Oh no Elaine, I'm so sorry.
Do you have a rescheduled date?

Elaine2012 posted 8/26/2013 13:13 PM

Oct 14 and my L is trying to set up mediation before that.

soveryweary posted 8/26/2013 19:55 PM

Sending a hug and positive thoughts!

Kajem posted 8/27/2013 07:39 AM

Elaine when we were headed to trial the judge made us attend mediation prior to trial. You'll get this out of the way, and then with the trial you'll be finished.

I know yesterday was a let down- but it also gives you more time to heal and gain strength.

Hugs,
K

Ashland13 posted 8/27/2013 18:10 PM

It will be okay. Sometimes, you don't have to say a word there, if you don't want to.

I brought with me an "I love you" picture that DD made me and put it in my divorce folder. Whenever the tears threatened, I opened it and saw those words in my daughter's handwriting-a child Nearly Exh will never, ever live with again if I can help it. I know that when she's an adult, she may choose other than me, but it helped to have some of her artwork with me, as I was fighting for her rights in court.

I was scared witless the night before and morning before could hardly function due to nerves. But I learned things about myself too and when under the pressure of being there, I was actually one of the most calm of the group. I had already been nervous, so it ebbed away a little and what happened was that Nearly ExH lost face with whining and some other sh that he couldn't control of himself.

I am in a similar spot as you, Elaine, and going through the stuff in our house and trying to place value on memories, heirlooms, etc. from a life that I did not want to lose, either.

I hope you don't have to go to trial and that mediation will work.

But if you do have to go to trial, it would be some ok karma for your WS to stand before a judge, as I've thought for Nearly ExH. It would be a way to face all that he did.

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