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Taurus517 posted 8/23/2013 14:10 PM

I want to know am I the only one that feels like when BS says to do something and I wait to it because I dont want her to think Im doing it only because she said it?? I'm gulity for taking awhile to get to it, yes I'm thinking Ill surprise her because its not being mentioned. I see that is wrong because it becomes an issue that I didnt do it and i took my sweet ass time.

Its not the materialistic things like taking out the trash, tell me to do that or move a house by myself I got you right then and there. When it comes to the more emotional stuff I always wait because I want it to be genuine, and not be done after you say it to me then I feel like she thinks I'm doing it now because she just said it or yelled at me about it.

Can someone please tell me I'm not the only idiot doing this.

StrongerOne posted 8/23/2013 16:13 PM

OMG! Please don't do that! My H did that, it drove me to fury. Or despair. Sometimes both.

If she asks you to do something, do it. ASAP. For me, my H not doing it felt like disrespect, it felt like he did not care about my wants and needs, it felt like he only cared about his own feelings and needs. Did I want him to figure this stuff out on his own and do things like this on his own? Yes, absolutely. But I also was happy to see him making the *effort* to do what I asked for, what I needed and wanted.

Do the stuff she asks. And try hard to do some of these things before she asks.

Btw, my H found that the more he "forced" himself to do things that didn't feel genuine or spontaneous, the easier it became to do these things genuinely and spontaneously.

TryingEveryday posted 8/23/2013 16:27 PM

Absolutely! Do them right away. I think you're looking at it kinda backwards. You say you don't want her to think you're doing something just because she asked you to!

It's good to do it because she asked you to! Let her know you value what she asks and you show that value by doing it right away!

Doing something your BS asks immediately isn't weak, it's proof you are willing to do whatever the hell it takes to fix the wrongs!

DeadMumWalking posted 8/23/2013 18:26 PM

I see that is wrong because it becomes an issue that I didnt do it and i took my sweet ass time.

That's right, this looks like passive aggressive bullshit. Like 'you can't MAKE me listen to you'.

If that's not the message you want to send, then I would suggest you do what she asks in a timely fashion. You can 'surprise' her by doing something that you know she would like or would be meaningful to her without her asking.

HurtButHopeful? posted 8/23/2013 19:05 PM

when BS says to do something and I wait to it because I dont want her to think Im doing it only because she said it?? I'm gulity for taking awhile to get to it, yes I'm thinking Ill surprise her because its not being mentioned.
This sounds like passive aggressive behavior like DMW said.
I see that is wrong because it becomes an issue that I didnt do it and i took my sweet ass time.
Good that you are realizing this.

My FWH does not do the emotional very well either. It plays on my own insecurites, that he doesn't think or feel about things.

edited because I didn't read the initial post right. Sorry

[This message edited by HurtButHopeful? at 7:07 PM, August 23rd (Friday)]

RightTrack posted 8/25/2013 01:03 AM

When your spouse asks you to help them with something, DO IT! Or tell them why you can't. This is communication. My WH also did this to me for years. he would say, "Yes, I'll do that, stop asking me" and would never do it. That is very frustrating. If you hear her and help her, the message you are sending is that you are in this together and that you respect her and are happy to be her partner.

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