SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

suckstobeme posted 8/23/2013 14:38 PM

This is what I've started telling myself about the fact that I haven't been ready to date and that that part of my life has not progressed. I honestly would cry a lot when I thought about it. I just always thought my life would always include a partner and it would make me very sad that exWH put me in a position that I never thought I would be in. There is no way to just bounce back from this. I'm changed forever and that is my reality.

But, lately I've been starting to really accept that it's ok. It's ok that I'm not there yet. It's ok that I still have some healing to do and need to take the time to come out of this a stronger, healthier person. It's ok that this stage of my life is filled up with other people and other things, my children being the most important.

I'm not hibernating and I'm slowly doing things to step a bit out of my comfort zone. I still get sad, but i know i would not want to be with him ever again and i dont want to live with a liar. Alone and genuine is much better than together and fooled. I will get there one day, or maybe not. But, it will be ok no matter what. I'm ok.

She11ybeanz posted 8/23/2013 14:44 PM

I'm starting to think I may need to take more time by myself. I broke up with sperm donor a year and a half ago..... but dating now is just so hard. I'm a single mom and I feel like its 10 times harder now to date than it was before! And, rejection seems to hit me harder too.... I hate it and I'm not used to it. I feel older now....even though I'm only 34....I feel like I've aged since having my daughter...

I need to be okay with me again. I thought I was....but after O.L.D... I'm not so sure anymore.

Good for you for recognizing that you aren't ready. I thought I was....but I'm thinking now maybe I should have waited longer....

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 2:45 PM, August 23rd (Friday)]

click4it posted 8/23/2013 14:44 PM

that's right it is ok and i'm glad you are at a point that you think it is ok too. thanks for sharing your thoughts.

hexed posted 8/23/2013 14:45 PM

of course its OK! how many of us have dated too soon? *raising hand* How many of us have tried to fit into preconceived timelines? too many!

date if/when you're ready. dating is not a life requirement!

nutmegkitty posted 8/23/2013 15:08 PM

Alone and genuine is much better than together and fooled. I will get there one day, or maybe not. But, it will be ok no matter what. I'm ok.

I love this. So, so true.

fadedrainbow posted 8/25/2013 13:16 PM

(((suckstobeme)))I hear you word for word. I keep telling myself I will get there too, and try to look at the past for what it was and that my life is just different now, and like you it will be ok, no matter what. My healing has been painfully slow, and I have worked very hard at it. I am moving forward, though it may be at a snails pace. Acceptance is good. FR

wildbananas posted 8/25/2013 13:49 PM

I'm one who dated way too soon and then took almost two years off from dating when it all blew up. Best decision ever. I'm dipping my toe in a bit and I know if it doesn't work out, I'll be fine because I'm okay with me.

Like hexie said, dating isn't a requirement. Do it if/when you're ready.

persevere posted 8/25/2013 21:55 PM

Great post suckstobeme - you are okay and you will get there when you get there.

I go back and forth at times myself. I know I'm getting there because I'm doing so much better with boundaries and recognizing the yellow and red flags, but it's a trial and error process.

I think pushing yourself out of your comfort zone is important, and quite frankly, HARD to do - so kudos.

((Hugs))