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Newest Member: Howtotrust (61551)

User Topic: New Reality
♀ 40400
Member # 40400
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found the emails. He was writing her when he was with me. He said it was just for pictures to masturbate, but he repeatedly asked her to come over. They met. He bought her a phone and gave her money. Said they only kissed. He proposed a friend's with benefits relationship. She got creeped out and deleted her email account. He is 48, I am 33,she is 19. I don't know anything else about her. She's not the first. He refers to another girl who can vouch that he's the real thing. He wrote that he's looking for a kept woman. He denied, but then admitted. He is remorseful and contacted a mc. We run a business together. I can't get out of bed. We have been thru so much together, the one person in my life who I completely trusted. This is my new reality.

Posts: 13 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ 38719
Member # 38719
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't have much to help except, I'm sorry and I understand. My WH's affair partner was a much younger woman as well:/

What I do know is that you will come out the other side of this. I wish I could say it won't take long, but it will. I'm sorry. Take things one day at a time and don't be pushed into making any decisions.

Try your best to eat, even if its just crackers. Even if you can't get dressed to go out try to get some sunlight on your skin. And know that you are among people here who will walk beside you as you travel this difficult journey.

Me- 40
Him- 47
March 9, 2013- the day my heart died

Posts: 282 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
♀ 40400
Member # 40400
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So overwhelmed with emotion. How do I even begin to process? He wants to take care of me like I have the the flu or something. He cheated on me wtf?! On me, the beautiful younger woman who has been so loyal to him. Where do I even go? I have no one to talk to, no one to confide in. I am completely lost in this suddenly incredible foreign life of mine.

Posts: 13 | Registered: Aug 2013
♂ 40222
Member # 40222
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're not alone in that feeling. It's overwhelming, as if you lost a family member. In fact, it's like your best friend stabbing you in the back before he/she dies.
But, I can tell you that it does get better, whether you are going to work things out or not.

Best wishes

Posts: 74 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ 37154
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Unwantedmrs)))) those are cyber hugs.

Please read in the Healing Library in the upper left hand corner for a start.

I'm so sorry you find yourself here. Please realize that this is not about you; it's about his issues.

Come here often for support.

Keep breathing honey.

Dday -9/23/2012

Posts: 2309 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
♀ 39871
Member # 39871
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry..I know how it hurts. The one person we thought would never hurt us. Is the one that caused the most pain. ( hugs)

A woman needs a man..Like a fish needs a Bycicle.

Posts: 71 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Canada
♀ 40400
Member # 40400
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All I can say is thank you. Just yesterday the world was mine. Now all I have is this stupid site. And I feel very grateful.

Posts: 13 | Registered: Aug 2013
♂ 35526
Member # 35526
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The anguish, the deep despair, and the disbelief of such betrayal. We've all been there. It's natural how you are feeling right now. Nothing is wrong or unusual about your emotional state right now.

It's seems almost the last thing on your mind right now but you must keep your physical health a priority. Drink fluids and eat healthy as possible. Force yourself to do this. Go for walks or full blown workouts.

Know this - no matter which direction you ultimately decide to go, you will find strengths you never knew you had or could have had.

Also know that you will ultimately be ok.

I Divorced Her.

Posts: 649 | Registered: May 2012
♀ 39858
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is horrifying at best...I wish I could say that I don't understand, but I do.

I'm so is 6 weeks since I found out about my husband's infidelity.

The first couple weeks were incredibly difficult...I couldn't hardly function at all. I couldn't even tend to my children...I had to call on friends to take them for a few days, because I had resorted to just feeding them marshmallows. I couldn't sleep, eat, drink, or think.

Please take care of yourself...and let him take care of you too. Let him make sure you have something to eat and have been traumatized to the depth of your core.

Decisions will come in time. Allow yourself a period to adjust, time to think, and the opportunity to cry when you need to.

At six weeks out, I can't tell you it hurts less. The pain and ache lefty by his betrayal has burnt a hole inside my's indescribable...but I'm learning how to live with it. I'm learning how to pick up the mess, and praying it fades one day.

I wish the same for you.

BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 15 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 253 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
♀ 40359
Member # 40359
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry you are here. This site has honestly been a godsend. All I have to do is read a few posts and my anxiety lessens for a little while.

Give yourself time to be angry, sad, emotional and whatever else you want.

My husband had an affair and still doesn't want to be with me even though he says the affair is over. Add insult to injury.

Keep posting!

XWH left 6/2013
DDay 8/19/2013
Divorce final 7/14/2014
False reconciliation 6/15-8/15
DDay 2 8/29/15

Posts: 178 | Registered: Aug 2013
♂ 39885
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. I'm 45 days into this mess and my WW hasn't woken up yet. She wants out and it is my new reality. Take care of yourself. Protect yourself, legally, financially, spiritually. He is not the person you once knew. It's the hardest thing I've ever been through. I can't promise it will get better quickly but it will get better. Reach out to friends and family. You will find strength you never dreamed you had.

Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 799 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
♀ 40150
Member # 40150
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry. I read your post and it brought years to my eyes and a lump in my throat. Not too long ago I had a full blown panic attack in front of my kids. I collapsed and was hyperventilating. My kids thought I was dying. Know that you will come out of this. You will be strong enough to get through this. No matter what the outcome is YOU WILL BE OK.

Reach out to a close friend or family member. Breathe. Eat and drink water. This site has been a godsend. Read the posts and healing library. You are not alone.

Him WH
2 kids elementary school age
Married 12 years
05/20/13 I confront and TT begins
07/01/13 The whole truth. Admits to EA/PA

Posts: 89 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ 38975
Member # 38975
Sad  Posted: 4:40 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear Unwanted

Sorry you find yourself here. I am sorry you are hurting. Please know that you are not alone.

She's not the first.

He refers to another girl who can vouch that he's the real thing.


Do you know of others? When was your DDay?

Now, should you trust him now? No, of course not, as you pointed out he has proven to be very untrustworthy. You have no real clue if it is even over. So you have to ask him for complete transparency. All his passwords, phone, email, etc have to be open books to you. If he is on the computer and panic closes things, he is not remorseful and still hiding.

There is a huge difference between regret and remorse. Look up the differences.

We know it hurts and its paralyzing but you have to define your boundaries. If you continue to allow him to slip up, make excuses and come crawling back then he most likely will continue to be unfaithful. This stops when you say it stops one way or another. You and your children deserve so much more than being an option.

Have you heard of the 180? It is in the Healing Library. It might give you some strength and perspective.

Please know that you have done nothing wrong that justifies his behavior. NOTHING. All marriages have problems but there is never an excuse to cheat.

I suggest IC for you as you will need help navigating these waters. It's a tough journey but you can make it through. We are all here rooting you on. We understand and care.

It does get better but it takes time. Be kind to yourself.

Hugs and prayers.

Sometimes my life feels like a test I didn't study for

Posts: 3326 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 13

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