You know, you can decide, right now, today, first thing tomorrow, that you're going to try to take one small step towards him and R. Towards healing yourself. And you do need to heal yourself. Because he cannot heal you. YOU are the only person who can heal you.
You didn't cause him to cheat. You didn't make him do that. He decided to do it. And you didn't make him R and to show you by actions, that he wanted to R. He was the only person who could do that who could decide that for him. He is the only person who can heal himself and you are the only person who ultimately, can heal yourself. He can help, he can assist, he can cheer you on, but YOU are the only person who CAN heal yourself.
Have you ever seen an IC? What are you doing to feed your soul? What do you do that is for you not him, not the kids, not the family, but all for you? You can decide to start taking baby steps towards YOUR healing and keep on walking towards it. How do you feel about that?