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question about false R

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namaste32 posted 8/23/2013 18:35 PM

Can somebody plz tell me what exactly false R is? And also what do you do if you realize or should I say not quite realize but suspect you are in false R. I am asking this because,i feel like WH did everything right,remorse,etc.and I kept doing nothing.Then I started doin a bit more.Now I feel like he is not as much,keep in mind he has horrible hours at work and is streched to the thinnest,...but he is still trying.Me on the other hand I still remind him every day what he did.I dont plan anything just for the two of us,unless its with the kids. Anyways I still have sadly the adittude of he has to do it all,since he fucked up. And now I feel stupid,wondering,was this past almost 3 years maybe false R because of me? Do we have to start from scrach now? And I thought our R is going so well,maybe not. This is so hard,so hard.

Skan posted 8/23/2013 19:45 PM

You know, you can decide, right now, today, first thing tomorrow, that you're going to try to take one small step towards him and R. Towards healing yourself. And you do need to heal yourself. Because he cannot heal you. YOU are the only person who can heal you.

You didn't cause him to cheat. You didn't make him do that. He decided to do it. And you didn't make him R and to show you by actions, that he wanted to R. He was the only person who could do that who could decide that for him. He is the only person who can heal himself and you are the only person who ultimately, can heal yourself. He can help, he can assist, he can cheer you on, but YOU are the only person who CAN heal yourself.

Have you ever seen an IC? What are you doing to feed your soul? What do you do that is for you not him, not the kids, not the family, but all for you? You can decide to start taking baby steps towards YOUR healing and keep on walking towards it. How do you feel about that?

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