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Newest Member: 2ndtimernd (45746)

User Topic: My daughter.
♀ 38116
Member # 38116
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another post has made me think and post...

My daughter. My saving grace. She is my world. I could never have imagined I would love someone do much, at first sight. I'd do anything for her. And I have. She saved me from my life. Without her, who's to know what I might have done knowing what WH was up to.

I knew I had to be strong. I had to care for her and be there no matter what.

She is the reason I stayed. Not to say others made a different decision...
I'm just saying for me, I had to do whatever means possible to keep my family intact. This was WHs first offense - had their been others or something I could not move past - my choice may have been different.

I hope we have made the necessary steps toward R for her. For us. We were always that couple. Very much in love and very happy.

I see glimpses into our future and it looks bright. We focus on her and try to squeeze in date nights as often as possible.

I sure hope so...

ME: 30
WH: 35

Fool me once - Shame on you. Fool me twice - pack your shit and get out.

Posts: 310 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ 10468
Member # 10468
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ddays 2004 & 2007
I cut my losses mid 2013
Feeling happier every day :)

Posts: 6159 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Florida
♂ 36622
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 5:28 AM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our kids gave me a reason to try and were my strength on many many days.

BS 40
fWS 37 (SurprisinglyOkay)
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2670 | Registered: Aug 2012
♀ 39669
Member # 39669
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hoping things work out for you Pew!

Wants nothing to do with our daughter
No Contact

Posts: 75 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Newwhere
♀ 18429
Member # 18429
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I worry about a child centered marriage for one reason.... what happens after the children are out of the house? What is there left of the marriage if the marriage existed with the child at the center of it's universe? It would be like what would happen to all of the planets if the sun ever disappeared, they would all tumble off into space never to see daylight again.

Don't get me wrong, I have children, and I love them more than life. But we certainly don't focus on them, we focus on our family as a whole with the main focus on us as a couple. When the kids leave, we'll still have each other, and we are certain of that.

Just something to think of.

DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - FWS
Us - Committed
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10

Posts: 3859 | Registered: Feb 2008
♀ 39584
Member # 39584
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know what you mean; I feel like my kids are the reasons I am staying now. I know the kids shouldn't be the only reason to stay married, but for me, they are a great starting point and a great reason to stay and try to make the marriage work.

WH - 35
2.5 year LTA

Posts: 160 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 18622
Member # 18622
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know exactly what you mean! My boys were just entering their teen years when my fWH had his LTA. I made the decision to give him chance after chance, for my boys but to be brutally honest - I loved the man and I just could not imagine not having him in my life. (I am and always have been financially independent so I could have packed up and left at any time) And in making that decision, I have to admit my biggest fear was - what happens when they are grown and gone(?) Well, after many DDays (because my fWH WAS a broken and selfish idiot) he finally decided to do the work to rebuild our life and marriage. We have been together 26 years now and we are happier than we have ever been. We communicate wonderfully and truly enjoy each other's company. We spend more time together just doing things than we ever did before. I won't say that the affair helped my marriage because it did not! Believe me there were many times I could have wound up in "central booking" if you know what I mean...but I am so glad that I made the decision to stay for my children. They are grown and have very happy productive lives and they both have told me that they admire my persistence in keeping our family together even when their dad didn't deserve it.

So I totally get what you are saying and I do admire your resolve.

There's a difference between giving up and knowing when you've had enough.

Posts: 569 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Somewhere Over The Rainbow
♀ 38116
Member # 38116
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Doesit - at a year out from dday, yes we are focusing on our daughter. She is the reason I'm working on my M. I used to say an A was a deal breaker for ME, but that's before it happened and before her.
We are doing great - working on us and our M everyday.
We were together for 8 years before our daughter and I'm certain we will move past this.

ME: 30
WH: 35

Fool me once - Shame on you. Fool me twice - pack your shit and get out.

Posts: 310 | Registered: Jan 2013
Topic Posts: 8

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