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Newest Member: betrayedinil (61145)

User Topic: Whose fault is it?
♀ 27886
Member # 27886
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My STBXH was here tonight picking up my daughter. We have been separated for almost three years and a divorce is almost final.

He was involved in an emotional affair with a widow, which he still denies was an affair. There was a lot of sneaking around, hugging, lying, her butting her way into our marriage and complaining about her own marriage. I asked him to end the relationship and he refused. Started MC and he was told to end it. It took him 3 and half hours at her house to do it. I don't know if it ever ended. He never did transparency, thought we were in counseling to fix my problems, resented and was defensive answering any questions or defended her if I said anything about her. Three months into counseling I saw on his computer "married but in love with someone else" google search. Six months into counseling he was chatting with her on computer at home. Says it just started back up then. He left that day. And has been with her ever since with her controlling his every move.

Today he starts telling me about a male friend from work that I know as well. He was separated from his wife around the same time as us and is now divorced. He told me this friend says his wife is nuts. And then he asked if I was nuts. My husband says no. So this friend asks then whose fault is the divorce. My husband says it is both of ours. Really? He is still with this woman to this day. I have been with absolutely no one.

I have done everything I can think of to improve me so he would be happy with ME. I could not be nicer or more helpful to him. And he says it is both our faults? He treated me like poison the last month he was here, he treated me like a fool for believing and trusting him. He treated me like I have no value and am just discarded as he moves on with his life.

I just stood there with my mouth open as he left. I wanted the marriage so bad and was willing to do whatever it took to keep it. And he says the divorce is both our faults.

Posts: 96 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: Pennsylvania
♀ 27071
Member # 27071
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess it could be construed as partially your fault when you were unwilling to share him with his AP. Gee, if only you had cooperated.... Obviously, he still isn't owning what HE did. Sadly, you're left to deal with the fallout from his screw up. Count your blessings; he is her problem now and vice versa.

D-Day: 8/28/2009
BW: 59 @ D-Day XH: 60 @ D-Day Married 34 yrs, LIBerated: 2/17/11
Beyond terror is freedom. (Agnes Martin)

Posts: 1239 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Missouri
♀ 40166
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What an ass. I'm so glad he's out of your life! I'm shocked he relayed that story to you.

Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 1127 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
♀ 38511
Member # 38511
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sooo, Sorry. Sometimes they just don't get it. I am a firm believer in "what goes around comes around." They will both understand someday. You will be the one on top. (((((HUGS))))

Me, 47 BS
H, 65 WH
2 boys 23 and 18 years old
Married 24 years

Posts: 523 | Registered: Feb 2013
Topic Posts: 4

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