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sunflowergirl30 posted 8/23/2013 23:02 PM

I have heard people say vaginal births ruin your vagina...

Mow had more kids then me and had a child more recently than me. Wh said she felt different but not better or worse.

I had my last baby 15 yrs ago.
I have only been with wh...he has been with other women before me and now...while with me.

Do men really think a woman feels that much different if shes had a vaginal birth? Wh says he doesnt remember what i felt like before we had babies. He says everything is "good"

Wh took my "virginity" at 17...well sort of...i had been raped at 6 but only remember bits and pieces.

Anyhow...just wondering if someday i divorce..if another man will have a problem with my having delivered vaginally.

I had easy deliveries.

heathenchristian posted 8/23/2013 23:05 PM

My husband has said to me that after the birth of our child 4yrs ago, I do feel different.
Not in bad way he said.
I've heard of women getting a vajajay rejeuvanation opertaion. Making it tighter and not so stretched out.

silverhopes posted 8/23/2013 23:07 PM

Curious to know the answer too. Before I gave birth, H tried to convince me to do C-section because he didn't want me to "ruin" myself down there... One of his exes had a C-section before he met her and he marveled over her tightness. Always worry he's comparing me to her. I have no regrets about the delivery.

Anyway... Would love to know if there's a noticeable difference for guys.

sunflowergirl30 posted 8/23/2013 23:19 PM

Just curious...
I wasn't "damaged" in my opinion lol

But I have heard some men think as such.

I wouldn't have it uh lol tightened though. My grandmother had 9 kids.

I know mow had kids too...

Just feels like one more strike against me as a woman.

sunflowergirl30 posted 8/23/2013 23:24 PM

What plays over and over in my head tonight is wh saying mow just felt
"Different"

Uh ok....im not a man. I have no idea what a womans vagina feels like or how "different" they are. I dont know anything about penis's.lol.... I have only been with wh.

I just feel crappy..mow is older had more kids had a baby more recently than me has had several sexual partners.

I doubt wh cared about any of that.

I feel sick

MissMouseMo posted 8/24/2013 00:29 AM

I don't have any answers to soothe an aching heart, but I did read about this last week in PT and it's got some scientific relevance:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/201109/the-rare-truth-about-tight-and-loose-women

P.S. Some women (ahem) have aching hearts because of the opposite problem and they get tighter / *too* tight (with pain) as the age because of atrophy. We have to be loved for all of who we are - not because every one of our particulars stands up to the scrutiny of a magnifying glass!

Lovedyoumore posted 8/24/2013 00:30 AM

Here's the deal. Every vajajay is different, just as your eyes, nose and lips are different. Yes there can be some major injuries to you during birth, but that is not the norm. Any major issues would have been addressed right after birth by your doctor.

Every vagina and surrounding area is a space that reacts to stimuli, either physical or mental. Unstimulated the vagina is rather roundish like an apple. When aroused and during intense foreplay it lengthens and becomes more narrow, like a banana. Trust me, it is all in the foreplay. If your man wants you to tighten up he better be willing to do the work it may take. You can do pelvic exercises, but generally you can still get there after vaginal birth with the right stimulation during sex.

I also had to ask what Hag was like between the legs. I am over 50 and had one c-section and one vaginal birth with stitches after a 9+ pound baby. Yes, he says the 35 year old OW (no births) was different, but she never could "grab on" like I do. Why? He did not take the time to do the proper foreplay. It was get it done just for him. She pretended to O, but he said he could tell she did not because he has felt my O's and it just was not there.

Also, a factor in all of this is the fantasy, stimulation, and titillation your WS and the AP were experiencing. Maybe just the illicit nature of having sex within an A made both of them react physically more intense than settled marital sex does. And of course, if your WS needs a red hot mess of a sexual partner, how the hell did he expect the A would affect that for the two of you?

Relax, read up on sexual health, and love your parts. Contract those muscles while driving, washing the dishes, watching TV, etc. Just watch the eyebrows. We tend to raise them up and down with each contraction. They are a dead give away.

sunflowergirl30 posted 8/24/2013 00:43 AM

Lol, thanks ((lovedyoumore))

Not really having sex with wh anyhow. Just feeling down.

Good info

sunflowergirl30 posted 8/24/2013 00:45 AM

Was hoping to hear mens perspective..

I know that might be uncomfortable for some guys...plus they probably dont want to say the wrong thing.

Im pretty sure im ok down in my lady parts lol just feeling insecure tonight.

Nature_Girl posted 8/24/2013 01:14 AM

http://jezebel.com/a-primer-on-what-sex-does-and-doesnt-do-to-your-vagi-500204347

keptmyword posted 8/24/2013 01:14 AM

I don't believe there is really any significant difference that a man can feel after a woman has delivered a baby. I believe the difference, if any, is really felt more by the woman instead of the man - possibly due to nerve damage in the area from the birth. (Got an old friend who is an OB/GYN)

From what I know and what my married male friends have said after their wives have delivered is that "things" rebound after some time.

I'd bet that what your wayward husband is saying about you is just part of the excuse-making that waywards use to give any justification for what they have done. Honestly, you should not give it any further thought.

HardenMyHeart posted 8/24/2013 01:22 AM

my wife has had 3 vaginal births. I don't notice any difference. It's all good!

Ostrich80 posted 8/24/2013 01:32 AM

I would think a woman would be able to feel a difference if it were "stretched out" I had both types of deliveries and intercourse didn't feel any different..geez why can't society say a man's penis shrinks with childbirth rather than women get looser. I don't believe that. Just another reason to make mothers feel inadequate sexually. I read its a muscle and yes if you don't kiegel, the pelvic floor doesn't hold everything up properly, but loosened by childbirth? I just don't believe that.

gonnabe2016 posted 8/24/2013 01:59 AM

The fact that a vaginal birth 'ruins' a vagina seems just crazy to me. Yea, the baby passes through and stretches shit out for a bit (but it goes back). It's a muscle or cartilage or something.......I suppose that I'm no help. I had c-sections for all of my kids.

Where is PurpleJacket?

sunflowergirl30 posted 8/24/2013 02:55 AM

I don't notice a difference and wh never complained. I guess its just something I asked. As if mow had a magical vagina or something. truth is she had a vagina and thats all that mattered.

I just feel insecure about myself and my body. From the top of my head to the tips of my toes.

My vagina doesnt escape the insecurities.

Mow waxed her lady parts. I shave mine. The last year I havent and wh made a comment about my forest when I was getting out of the shower!

Its not wild! Its neat and trimmed! Wtf! I wanted to say to him if he wants a hairless pussy to go find his old whore...ass.

sunflowergirl30 posted 8/24/2013 02:57 AM

I know exactly why he liked her shaved...because he was going down on her. I dont care if he never does that to me ever again. I dont want his mouth on any of my lips :(

Pun intended

stillstruggle posted 8/24/2013 04:08 AM

This is one of the reasons I'm afraid to have children (among others, ie. OEA & crazy in-laws). I also don't want to gain too much weight and get flabby. My brothers would insult my mom for being "fat" (she had 3 kids, incl me) & it makes me conscious, plus my H watches a lot of dirty videos & I feel like I need to keep a "porn star body" to keep his attention. It's a lot of pressure, esp since ppl practically harass me about how I need to have kids right away (esp his mom, whom I have a strained relationship w/) & ppl stop talking to me after they ask me if I have any kids and I say "no". I feel societally unaccepted w/out them, and with the OEA, why would I want any right now? I'd be nuts to, they don't deserve inheriting my problems. So I guess be judged and shunned like in the Scarlet Letter instead.

bigskyblues posted 8/24/2013 05:28 AM

My ex had four kids and there was nothing different or "worse" about it. I suspect a vaj from "unicorn" land just seems to feel different!

AppleBlossom posted 8/24/2013 06:05 AM

I had three vaginal births, two with episiotomies. My vagina is just as good - if not better - than it was before. The walls of a vagina are muscle, and stretch to allow the baby out. After a few short weeks, they are back to "normal".

Now for the good news - after I had babies, sex was better. Dont know what happened, whether the G sport moved, or I became more sensitive, but orgasms are more intense, and I "feel" everything more than before.

Dont let anyone give you any crap about women who have had babies compared to those that havent.

I am 47, have had three kids, gained and lost weight, lived a bit, had a fair bit of sex (good and bad) and now I am with a loving partner and I have a sense of security about myself - sex is better than ever. And my fiance would say the same/

brokensmile322 posted 8/24/2013 06:25 AM

You know...

sometimes being a woman is just shitty. And this thread is another example.

For goodness sake, we deliver these men's babies, and this is the thanks we get.

I just had this conversation with my WH. I was saying that it really does suck to be a woman. I was saying this in reference to an older couple, probably in their 70's, that walked by us at a restaurant. Time had taken its toll on both of them, but they were still holding hands.

I said to him that I just didn't think I could grow old with him. I didn't think he would be around for the long haul or when I got sick, etc.. He of course denied that to be the case. But you know what, I delivered his babies, breast fed them and have the battle scars to show. He has three kids and nothing on him changed except normal aging.

As women, we constantly compare ourselves. There will always be someone younger, tighter, skinnier, smoother, ....

From where I sit, it really is a man's world.