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Newest Member: RisingAbovePain (61843)

User Topic: finding peace after lawyer visit
♀ 39667
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 5:33 AM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unbeknownst to my SAWH, I saw my attorney recently. I left the office with an overwhelming sense of relief. I first went to see lawyer in March about 5 days after DD. This visit was to give him an update about where I am in the reconciliation attempt process and he gave me some insight into what I need to be working on and thinking about. It was valuable to hear his experience as someone who has seen a lot of cases with my set of issues.

SAWH even commented on how peaceful I seemed the evening I returned from the lawyer's office (as I mentioned above, he was in the dark and still is).

And obviously, it doesn't help that we got into a big fight tonight after dinner. Am I just looking for a way to get out of this M? Or is R really unattainable? I feel like as more and more of SAWH's issues are uncovered, we have less and less in common and it just seems like - as someone on here pointed out - there is a rebuilding process and we have to climb a mountain but first this huge hole to fill before we can even start to build the mountain we must climb.

I am beginning to think it is telling that I find more PEACE from visiting lawyer than I do after therapist.

BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 932 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 37683
Member # 37683
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Peace is hard to come by...hope it lasts for while as you make difficult decisions.

Married 10+ years to my high school sweetheart
DDAY 10/27/12
Me 55
WH 55
Blended Family: 25, 21, and 20
Married 10 years
"The Universe Unfolds as it Should"

Posts: 301 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Missouri
♂ 30369
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that feeling of peace likely stems from a gaining of power and control over your own life after hearing what your rights are, and what life would look like if you were to choose the path of S/D. That's a very important feeling to have. And yes, R is still attainable, but only if you want it to be, and only if your husband puts in the work required.

Awesome for you!

Posts: 30662 | Registered: Dec 2010
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Knowledge is power. Power leads to calmness and peace. Perhaps that's why you feel peaceful after visiting the lawyer. Because you're gaining knowledge about what your rights are and what tomorrow can look like. I know that once I came to the conclusion that I could, if necessary, walk away and be perfectly fine financially and mentally, I gained a lot of inner peace.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 10182 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is why I always tell new members to go sooner than later. Get a feel for things take away the what ifs nd could shuldas.
It helps you to understand that no matter what happens you will be ok

Enjoy it. Use this time to get strong.

Him: FWS
Kids: 18 & 20
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

Posts: 13426 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
♀ 36988
Member # 36988
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Woman, I agree that it is about regaining your power. The realization that you are not helpless and have a choice is actually a first step to R or D. It is about discovering what YOU want. That is the great part of recovering from codependency, not doing what the anyone else thinks is right for you but yourself.

DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
♀ 40012
Member # 40012
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great for you to be finding some Peace.

I have not felt the desire to visit a Lawyer, but I have written out a list of requests if I decide R is not working. I have also written a list of what I need to keep R on the right track. This has brought me a little closer to Peace.

BS 53
WH 44
M 14 years at time of DD
2 young daughters
DD 12-8-12
A-3 YEARS and her husband was an accomplice.
In R, IC, & MC Since 1 week after DD. On the mend with the help of God, Friends and Family.

Posts: 93 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Central FL
Topic Posts: 7

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