"I'm still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid" Elton John
H and I had the best anniversary ever.
We spent the day at the beach, went to lunch, took a ride to a beautiful seaport city, stayed out late.
We went shopping! This is big because it is new for him. We are planning a vacation in the winter and I have no clothes left that fit. That is a very good thing!
In the past whenever I asked his opinion on clothing he always turned it on me, "it depends on what image you are trying to project", WHAT??? I just want to know what you like!!!
Anyway he was picking things out for me, having me try them on, giving opinions. It may seem silly but it made me happy. It made me feel like he noticed me.
Anyway, we talked about our previous anniversaries, birthdays, holidays and how he was never involved in it.
I always made a big deal of things but it was all my effort.
On my birthday last year, he did nothing, actually he spent it talking to ow. The sad part is that I didn't notice anything unusual, he had never really made an effort so it was just par for the course, what I expected.
It made me sad to realize how low my expectations have always been.
He told me that the way he has behaved in the past was just selfish and that I deserved so much more.
I guess it is a good thing to realize this. I could have lived the rest of my life never having experienced the simple joy of having someone make you feel special. Now I know, now the bar has been raised. If it is important to me, it matters, do it because you love me and want to see me happy.
He also expressed how happy he was to be with me now. How much he loves and appreciates me.
I replied that I am grateful also and love him too. I also told him that he had better not ever forget again! Very bold move for me. I usually hold those thoughts back.
We also talked about this, about how necessary it is for me to express my negative thoughts. They are there and they need to come out. He needs to know all of me.
I think we are making progress.
It was a wonderful, happy, sad day.
I would now like to be known as Can!
dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
I attempted R, he was a lie