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Please, someone hand me a brain wipe

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nekorb posted 8/24/2013 20:22 PM

I don't know what's wrong with me tonight. I just can't get the picture of my husband and the OW out of my mind....

I saw her in person for the first timer yesterday..she is so fit and trim...I'm 40 pounds overweight....

Are her boobs saggy?
Is she tighter than me? Did she give a better blow job than me? Did he do the things to her that I love?

Omg. Please make it stop.....

I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest....

My head is going to have a BFB.

Chrysalis123 posted 8/24/2013 20:32 PM

I am so sorry you are suffering.

Please know that he is fucked up.He is broken. Healthy people don't destroy others.


RippedSoul posted 8/24/2013 20:48 PM

My husband's OW was 16 years younger than me. She was 10 when we got married!!!!! Ewwww.

So I get it. I get the need to compare. It solves nothing, though. And they do this, they cheat, not because they are bowled over by OW's beauty. They do it because they're selfish, because they're hurting, because they're empty, because they're broken.

That said, you might try wiping your brain by doing something nice for yourself. Your self-esteem has just taken a beating (even though it's not warranted), so give it some TLS. Commit to having a mani/pedi monthly. Or getting a new haircut. Or hiring a personal trainer. Or buying a new outfit. Do something to make YOU feel special--whatever that is.

You can do this! Hugs.

meplusfour posted 8/24/2013 20:55 PM

Nekorb, you are strong and beautiful and it shows through the goodness in your eyes and the kindness of your acts. Your radiance brightens the lives of all you know. The OW is an immoral and broken person whose ugliness becomes apparent to those who know the consequence of her actions. Her looks do not matter, it is only the rancid covering on a twisted person. When you think of the OW, imagine her ugliness seeping and oozing out of her pores, covering her entire body so that everyone recognizes her for what she is. I leave it up to you whether you want to envision her ugliness infecting your WH.

Can you tell that I've used this image frequently?

mixedintherut posted 8/24/2013 21:01 PM

I love the thought of the ugliness oozing.

It is so hard to believe that the A isn't about us, but once you realize that it's not about you, its about your WS and how much is wrong with them! It get's a little bit easier.

I agree with a pick me up! Whether that is a girls night out, a personal trainer, new hair, whatever! I went out today with my sister, had a free makeup consult, ended up with new makeup, and a purse, and it made the day a little better.

You are strong, and you can do whatever it is you set your heart to! You can and will get through this, one day at a time!

homewrecked2011 posted 8/24/2013 21:06 PM

I trigger really badly when I see the OW also. (Natural reaction btw).

Just so you know the oW in my case is sleeping around on my XH already -- just 4 months after her D was final that my XH paid for!!! THey look so happy when they are out around town, but these people are never satisfied, never happy, they are soul less. MY XWH is in the dark about his woman and is making a fool out of himself.

A normal person would have told you he was wanting a D, would have tried marriage counseling to save his family, would have asked for a D, had a D, then given himself 6 months at least recovery, THEN started dating someone.

Does this help to see how screwed up they are?

Keep posting here, we care.

BTW I'm overweight and she is skinny, and 17 years younger than me, so I get what you are saying.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 9:09 PM, August 24th (Saturday)]

emotionalgirl posted 8/24/2013 22:43 PM

I have never seen the OW and I don't know if that is better or worse. I compare myself to a made up picture in my mind and see my WH with someone who is gorgeous when the movies run in my head. I console myself by knowing that even if she is amazing to look at she is still an ugly person because she chose to spend time with and encourage the attentions of a married man remember as someone else matter what they always affair down even if it means only in personality and values!

nekorb posted 8/25/2013 08:15 AM

Meplusfour...that is a great description....she IS in infection...something that has just taken over his mind and body....

Now if I can only find the cure....

I desperately hope MC will help. We start on September 9th.

I had said to him that I was not going to talk about any of this again until MC to give him some emotional space, , unless he brought it up.

I am trying to give him some emotional space, but also trying to not cry in front of him.

This morning he came up to me and said, "even if we aren't talking about it, I know you are still thinking about it.".

I burst into tears.


Feelsmall posted 8/25/2013 20:36 PM


It's alright you feel it that way and cried out, we are only human beings with great sense of nothing but a decent personality .

Since I first found out on D day, It triggers me all the time thinking about them doing stuff that WW never even consider to do it for me . I was there where you are and kinda still there sometime, but it's getting better after all these time passed.

It's just a wake up call that you should start thinking about otherwise of your life and take really really good care of YOU from now on.

You can survive all this eventually.

edit for typo

[This message edited by Feelsmall at 8:37 PM, August 25th (Sunday)]

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