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Newest Member: Confused4 (61103)

User Topic: Gifts from my kids
♂ 38122
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 11:19 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I bought a gift for the boys to give The Princess for Mothers' Day, and she reciprocated for Fathers' Day. That was pretty early in our separation, and I hadn't really though about it - just did it.

The next big day coming up will be her birthday in December, then Xmas, then my birthday in February.

She has family around here that will help the boys for her gifts, but my family all lives far away. I have nobody.

I don't know if we should continue what we have already done, or if that's a little too much like being married.

My boys will want to give me gifts, but I don't know what to do.

This all just occurred to me, and is making me very sad. How have some of you done this?

Me: 1970
Two sons: 2000 and 2003
Cheating louse: What's her name again?

Married Aug/95
DDay Nov/12
Separated Mar/13
Finally divorced Jul/17

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous!

Posts: 3569 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:48 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I encourage the kids to make cards for STBX for the various holidays & his birthday. I'll be GD'd if I'll spend a single red cent buying him a gift "from the children". If they want to get him a gift, they can spend their allowance. Sorry to sound like such a bitch, but he has pushed us into utter financial ruin, forced us to go a month eating mac 'n cheese & toast to keep our bellies full, forced us to cut cable TV out of the budget and the phone is probably next. Refused to take the kids out to eat when they tell him they're hungry, spent thousands on his whore while at the same time refusing to toss a dime my way for school supplies. Plus, he always took great pride in not getting me gifts when we were together because he knew it hurt me, even though I got gifts for him. I'm out of the gifts-for-STBX business now.

Oh, and he doesn't help the kids get me gifts, either. Or encourage them to make me cards. Nothing. So FTG.

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!

Posts: 10722 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
♀ 19595
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 12:38 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you have a male or female friend that can help them out? That might be a solution. Most kids love giving gifts to parents and each other.

Traditions change somewhat after divorce but keeping a little bit familar for the kids is good for them too.

I had no one back when I was single Mom years ago but DD and I would go to a store and she picked out what she wanted me to have. At 40 yrs old now, she is a great gift giver and shopper.

It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20489 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Closer to where I want to be..
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 2:58 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


The first holidays for us were Mother's Day and Father's Day also. By Christmas he was married to OW. I was not buying for him.

By the time Mother's Day had rolled around the next year. I had made up my mind that I would give each kid $X amount and let them shop for me. I sat in the target snack counter watching the door. They're met there when they had completed their purchases. They were so excited.

Your boys are old enough to shop with supervision.

During Christmas I teamed up with another parent and we switched kids for an afternoon of shopping. We met at the local mall She took mine, I took hers. Kids had the spending money on hand. It was so much fun trying to not be seen by your own parent which stores they were going into , etc . We topped it off with a meal. The other parent and I continued this even after I had someone in my life-kids told us "it's tradition". Who knew finding a solution to a dilemma would become a tradition with my kids.

Creating new traditions wasn't what I was hoping to do, it just happened to work out that way. Make some new traditions they can be fun.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 6708 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
♂ 16953
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 3:23 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I give my son money to buy gifts for his mother. To me his relationship with her has nothing to do with me any longer. But while my XWW does not reciprocate, I always take the high road and do the right thing. I feel its a good lesson to teach my son. And I also think that as he gets older he will see that I was not an issue for his relationship with his Mom. Kids learn from example and I don't want to be part of any habits he may pick up.

You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 6851 | Registered: Nov 2007
♀ 14917
Member # 14917
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My mom would help my nephew choose something for his mom over the phone when he was little and then mail it to him with the wrapping paper so he could put it together himself and give it to her.

I used to remind my kids about XWH's bday (actually he did that too classic npd) and then drive them someplace they could spend their own money. They saved a portion of their own gift money to buy their parents presents sweet things. Because I did this they asked their dad to do the same at my birthday and I guess he didn't want to look bad and did what they asked. It became a custom until th ank God they have jobs and cars now!

[This message edited by rainagain at 8:37 AM, August 25th (Sunday)]

Now, faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see. Heb 11:1
I done been through the pain and the sorrow the struggle is nothing but love. Maino
Me: Divorced BS 50
DS24, DD21, DS19

Posts: 1300 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Massachusetts
♀ 30143
Member # 30143
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH was married and had a daughter prior to me meeting him. He (and we after we married) always made sure DSD either had a gift or money and means to buy a gift for her mother for as long as she needed help doing this. It's not about your ex, it's about your kids and what they need and what is good for them.

Me (BW) (58), Him(SAWH) (61)
Married 24 years, 1 son (22), 1 stepdaughter (30)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

Posts: 1707 | Registered: Nov 2010
♀ 38378
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I take DD shopping with an amount she can spend. I don't choose anything, but let her do it.

Then the occasion gets honored-for her-and I can go on my way without it stuck in my head.

FWIW, he does the same with her for my occasions, so that she's getting to do the same thing with each parent.

One thing I'm trying to do is think of how much money I can save this time, because much of my budget went to Nearly Exh's stuff for occasions. That will be my happy thought and maybe I can do something with that money that will help us, or save it.

Like you, Pass, he has (lots) of family "locally", but I do not.

One thing might also be to just mention it to her, if you can figure out how? I'm thinking maybe an email or something as it gets closer, so that then you are on the same page?

When something is really bothering me or really hard for an issue here, I find 90 out of 100 times I end up finding a way just to mention it to Nearly Exh. He may find out anyway and then I can go on my can help a lot out of something that might bother you too long.

(ETA: gift cards have gone a really, really long way this year, so much that DD will pick them on her own many times.).

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 4:14 PM, August 25th (Sunday)]

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 3034 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
♂ 38122
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks y'all. It keeps amazing me how many simple things in my life have been fucked up by her inability to keep her knees together!

Me: 1970
Two sons: 2000 and 2003
Cheating louse: What's her name again?

Married Aug/95
DDay Nov/12
Separated Mar/13
Finally divorced Jul/17

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous!

Posts: 3569 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 6:03 AM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can only relate to this as a kid growing up without a lot of money. We were always encouraged to make gifts for relatives. We used things around the house and things we found out in nature. I'll never be able to say that I'm artistic, but I have a great creative streak.

At about the age of 10, my sister & I started planning and executing birthday dinners for our parents--we were 'lucky' enough to have both parents born on the same day! They started out very simple--hot dogs and birthday cake--but progressed to very elaborate meals that we executed from an encyclopedia of foreign food cookbooks that my mother had. One year it was a French feast; the next it would be Chinese. The final iteration was a lobster thermadore dinner that I had to make alone, as my sister had already left home. It nearly did me in

Back in the day our bank had what was called a Christmas Club. You deposited money every week, then got it back at around Thanksgiving so you could do your Christmas shopping. We used to wind up with $25 each to shop for family and friends; you had to be very creative to get gifts for 5-10 people but it was an adventure. You could do something similar for your kids; it seems a little better than just handing them $$ out of your pocket.

[This message edited by Sad in AZ at 6:06 AM, August 26th (Monday)]

You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.

Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
Him: WXH-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011

Posts: 25300 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Arizona
Topic Posts: 10

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