WS has told me & call me gullible, but I believe him, that he just can't remember the details. (He is now 60 and I wonder if he is getting Alzheimers - both his parents had it, but didn't start until their 80s). He can't remember when it started, how it started, what was said before it started - says he only remembers 7 times of fucking the Bitch, who called herself my best friend, in (what I have tried to deduce through detective work) 3 yrs. So here's what he does remember: They started with "just" fooling around at our house on our couch (sometimes while i was in the same room) - then at "some point" graduated to intercourse. He knows they did it at 6 locations 4 of which were her place of business, and once at our house & once at her house (even though in this time period we lived in 2 houses, and she lived in 4) - That he called it off about 2 weeks before we found out that she (and supposedly her BS that she only had sex with 1 time in over a year) was pregnant. - That the kid is his, which now that I know is so obvious it is disgusting.
That's pretty much all I know. He has told me alot of other things, but then comes back especially in the last couple of months and tells me either he doesn't remember telling me that or that he has no idea or that its not true or that he was making it up to satisfy me because I wanted to know & he couldn't remember. I feel like I can't move on until I know the whole story. Its like there is an open file in front of me (in the front of my brain) and until I complete the necessary info, I can't file it away (in the back of my mind) and move on to something else. Anyone relate and can you share your experience? thanks!
It's important to you to get whatever you want to have in order the heal from the A, no matter if you decide to stay in this M or what.
Half truth is a whole lie, just learn it from other member's signature, can you build your life and trust base on lies?
Can You even tell where the truth ends and lies starts?
edit for typo
[This message edited by Feelsmall at 4:57 AM, August 25th (Sunday)]
What he told me I believed, with each new truth, I believed. These tales he was telling me were the only story I knew, but a liar can't remember every lie they have told so if asked the same question over and over they will either lie again or use the 'I can't rememberline.
My bet is your H remembers everything but like my H does not want to talk about it because he is not sure what he has said.
[This message edited by Reyna13 at 7:32 PM, August 25th (Sunday)]
The wound keeps getting broke open each time he tells me more "truths"
My wxh "couldn't remember" because he felt that he was protecting me from the details.
180 him until he remembers, but I hope that he doesn't just make something up to get you to shut up.
He hasn't "seen" anyone since December 2012, and it started about 18 months before that from what I understand. I've known this guy for 35 years, and I know his memory for details is not that great. Not like me, I'm very detail-oriented. I do believe he tells me what he can remember when I ask, but now I want the rest of it, whatever he can think of. I have prepared a list of questions so that he understands the kind of details for which I am prepared, and some of those questions jog his memory somewhat. But I am fully aware that I will never get every detail because I really believe he doesn't remember every detail. Some people just don't. Especially if it wasn't that important to them, and I believe that some of it just wasn't as important to our ws's as it is to us.
I told him today that i have decided that I just have to accept that he is not willing to do "whatever it takes" or go "to any lengths" to save our marriage, and that I am here for now, but will be taking care of myself from here on out instead of worrying about his needs and wants.