SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Nicnac posted 8/25/2013 07:34 AM

I feel like I've come full circle in my emotions. I was numb, then devastated, then better, then horny. Then suddenly last week the better/horny part disappeared and the numb/depressed part came back.

I am suddenly sad again, mixed with periods of anger. I don't think my WH understands. He was doing everything right, there was no reason for my sudden switch. It is like the first few days all over again. i'm back where i started. I can't stop picturing them together. Every time he touches me I wonder if he touched her like that. I am disgusted. I thought I was over this part. Why is this happening again? Is it normal? Did it happen to anyone else and how long before I go back to feeling better? I don't want to think about her anymore!

Fireflies posted 8/25/2013 08:05 AM

I think it's normal. I'm on an emotional roller coaster too. I'm just about 3 wks out from D-Day. The first couple of days I was devastated and in disbelief. Then I was angry - angrier than ever I've been. Then numb/depressed/weepy. Now the anger is back with a vengeance. I hate feeling so out of control.

My WH has been doing everything right so far, but that doesn't just negate everthing he's already done and make all right in the world again. Both his IC an our MC told him to expect my emotions to all over the place, so he seems to have been prepared for it. There is also a great thread over on wayward side (I think) about things the WS should know about what the BS is feeling. Maybe you can print it out for your WH to read. I'll see if i can find it and bump it to the top of the page.

[This message edited by Fireflies at 8:06 AM, August 25th (Sunday)]

PrincessPeach06 posted 8/25/2013 08:34 AM

I have good days and bad days and I can never tell you what tomorrow will bring. In my case it seems like the good and bad days are more even finally and I look forward to the time when the good actually outweigh the bad.

I try and focus on things to keep me busy, I write out my feelings (either here or in a journal) when I'm super pissed and read them over and over and over until the anger subsides. I run, read, play games and try to not let the anger eat at me. The sadness I let come out although I find myself more angry than sad.

It's more of a time issue and learning how to get through the pain and anger and sadness. Because there is no magic pill or way to completely change your thinking - it's all about survival. A remorseful H helps a ton but still can't make it all better.

It's such a roller coaster, one I would love to get off!!!!

Skan posted 8/25/2013 17:10 PM

This is called a rollercoaster for a reason. You will go up into the heights, where all is really, really good, descend down through annoyance and dislike, and descend into hatred, mind movies, panic, and then start up the hill again. Over and over again. Sometimes this cycle takes days. Sometimes it takes minutes. It's not for the faint of heart and there is no getting off of it. You have to ride it.

And your WH better try to understand and be there for you. He is the one that strapped you onto this rollercoaster and who disabled the stop button. He had better be in that station every time you come whipping through, ready to try to toss you nourishment, hope, and every other thing you need as you scream through the station heading up the hill again. (((hugs)))

Nicnac posted 8/26/2013 15:22 PM

Today I just feel tired of it all. I am tired of thinking about it, talking about it, living in it. I am tired of the amount of energy all of this takes from me. I want to just pretend it all didn't happen.

On my sad days I will randomly start to tear up, but for some reason, my body won't actually let me cry. Is that normal? Sometimes I think I would feel better if I could just get that out.

1Faith posted 8/26/2013 15:33 PM

Right now you are living day to day, trying to survive this with some sense of sanity in tact.

You are in survival mode and that's a good thing...we all experience that.

Your #1 priority right now is you. You need to heal. You need to learn how to deal with this. You need to know how to move forward.

The reason for the sudden changes in emotions are because your world was turned upside down. Up is down, down is up and your trust in almost everything has been shattered. Shattered at the hands of someone you never thought was capable of hurting you so bad. This is very normal.

Your WH ought to be doing all he can to help with the healing and to prove to you that he is truly remorseful for the adultery and the pain that it has caused you.
Along with constant reassurance that he will never do this again!

It's going to take time and your WH needs to buckle up for the ride. There will be good days and awful days.

No matter how many roses he sends, no matter how many gifts, etc, your WH needs to keep doing this over and over to show you that you are the true love of his life and that he truly regrets what he has done to you.

Building trust should be one of his most important priorities. The only one to feel guilty, should be your spouse.

Look at the length of their affairs..how much time they spent cheating, putting themselves above you. Look at how they connived, manipulated, lied to do what they wanted to do. Now, there should be no limit on proving that they made a mistake, proving their own guilt in this and proving that they take full responsibility for what they've done.

There should be no limit on the time it takes for them to regain your trust.

On average they say 2-5 years to completely heal from an affair. You can't fast track it but it does get better. Allow yourself to feel everything you feel, good bad and otherwise.

If not, it will come back to haunt you down the road. Triggers are tricky like that.

Hang in there. We are all here rooting for you.

Hugs and prayers