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Newest Member: Confused4 (61103)

User Topic: Checking his phone
♀ 40131
Member # 40131
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WS has agreed to transparency and has offered me his phone to look at, but I feel guilty going through it...

I want to go through it without him knowing. I want to put a spy app on it without him knowing. I guess I feel like if he knows I'm doing it he'll just find another way if he really wants to. I'd rather him use something I can catch him with...

Anyone else feel guilty looking at the WS cell? I kind of wish he'd go somewhere and leave it home so I'd have all day with it!

Posts: 80 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ 21886
Member # 21886
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he's truly ttanspatent, he wouldn't have a problem handing over his phone whenever you asked. Or even *before* you asked.

As for your guilt in checking, all you're doing is finding the truth. Trust but verify is big around here. You're looking for reasons to trust him and he should understand that.

BH Cee64D - 50
FWW (me) - 51

All affairs are variations on a theme. No one has 'Beethoven's 5th' to everyone else's 'Chopsticks'.

Posts: 6164 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: A better place
♀ 39393
Member # 39393
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah. All he does is delete the text before you can look at it. That's what mine did.

I suggest 2 things. One- go to your providers website and look at numbers he texts. Figure out which ones you can name as a contact on the website. Verizon's website allows this. Any texts to numbers you done recognize, ask him for the message to that number. If he can't produce the text, he deleted it, which means something's up.

Or, option 2- if you have verizon-WITH HIS PERMISSION - get Integrated Messaging on your computer or on your phone (it would be an app on your phone-website for . Put his number into the app and you will have 100% access to all of his messages whether he deletes or not.

As far as feeling guilty, I wish I had not respected my WH privacy along time ago and snooped. It would have avoided the marriage and 2 kids. I SHOULD have snooped.

I just don't feel like I should have to babysit a full grown man. You should be able to trust him and not HAVE to do those things.

The guilt proves that you are an honest person full of trust.

Married 11/11/11
2 kids
D-day 12/27/12
D-day 4/12/13
D-day 6/26/13
You know perfectly that you can only change what you accept....never forget that there are two kinds of pain, the one that hurts and the one that makes you change.

Posts: 259 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Athena1979
♀ 39001
Member # 39001
Default  Posted: 8:11 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I checked at lot right after dday. Now, six months out sometimes I do feel a little weird about it but, I still do it! Sometimes I get up after I know he is asleep & go thru every app! I also do a quick check while he is in the shower when he comes home from work.

I hate it too but, this just one of those consequences for proving he can't be trusted!

Me-clueless BS
Dday - 2/19/13
I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Posts: 1013 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ 40166
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know what you mean, I feel the same way.

One thing my H has done that helps me is to leave his phone at home if we go out and then ask me to look at it first. We went camping for a week in July (spur of the moment trip) and there was no cell or wifi, he requested that I be the first to look at his phone when we were back in service area.

Of course he could be still hiding something but I don't think so. His offering these things goes a long way in trust building.

And yes, I still do occasionally look through his phone.

Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 1127 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
♀ 40150
Member # 40150
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel guilty and fearful at the same time. When I start looking I start wondering what I would do if I found something?!?

WH will leave his phone out in the open whenever possible. So it is available to me whenever I want to pick it up.

He changed his phone number and deactivated his email right after dday. It sucks because I know if he really wanted to be would hide whatever he was hiding outside of his phone.

Him WH
2 kids elementary school age
Married 12 years
05/20/13 I confront and TT begins
07/01/13 The whole truth. Admits to EA/PA

Posts: 89 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ 40131
Member # 40131
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's my other issue with checking his phone. He wasn't stupid enough to get himself caught (the OW contacted me and confessed) so I'm pretty sure I won't find anything on his phone. That is why I wish I had a secret spy app!

Posts: 80 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ 40184
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage WH agreed to TT but i know he automatically deletes his texts I have been researching and there are a number ofspywate companies out there. You install the spyware on their phone, it is totally invisible to them and all of the texts etc go to an account you set up on line. You then choose to read texts or not, the system just stores copies for you. I have not gone this far yet,but only time wil tell. Good luck to you.😊

1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 377 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ 39197
Member # 39197
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Spyware on his phone will only make a difference if he didn't go out and buy a prepaid cell. If he wants to take the affair underground he will find many ways to hide it.

Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!

Posts: 347 | Registered: May 2013
♀ 39584
Member # 39584
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nic, I also feel guilty, not because WH doesn't want me to go through his phone, but because I feel like I am sneaking around to do it. He offers it to me, but I too want to check it randomly, not when he knows I will be looking. I don't like him being sneaky, and I don't like being sneaky myself - but I think it necessary every so often.

WH - 38
2.5 year LTA
2nd A 2/20/16

Posts: 164 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 10

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