Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: SnowyOwl

Just Found Out :
now what

This Topic is Archived
default

 forworseorworse (original poster new member #40419) posted at 2:37 PM on Sunday, August 25th, 2013

I am new to this, all of this. I do not know all of the abbreviations yet so I apologize if this is long. I have had suspected something was going on with my husband for a while, his mother suspecting him also. I feared things were getting to a point of no return so I begged him to go to counseling with me, he refused. So I saw his mother's pastor for over a month. But there is only so many times you can tell your side of the story. I worked on the things the pastor and I talked about on my end. I thought things were on the mend. We had a family vacation planned. Then about a week or two before vacay he started acting hateful again.on vacation he was very hateful and distant. The day we returned after a 12 hour drive he left to "play poker " and came home sometime in the middle of the night. The next night was especially mean and I could tell something was up. I calles his mom the next day (who works at the same place as he and the OW) she said "he is sleeping with a coworker and it has been going on nearly a year " she explained how she knew and lots of stories and other people confirming. I jumped the gun and left, he denied everything but admitted to it when I gave him new information I had. I even talked to the soon to be ex husband of the other woman who has been married 16 years with 2 children, making her 10 years older than my husband. However NOW I am regretting not staying, because I WOULD like to go to counseling and work things out. He says it is beyond repair and doesn't feel it is worth working on even tho we have both never worked on it before.

-------------

me - wife -29

him -27

married 4 years -together nearly 9

The OW - 37 married 16 with 2 children

he and I have 1 two year old

dday 8-19-13

EA -began late 2012..

affair began beginning 2013...

(If all information is correct)

I can't get off this roller coaster

posts: 3   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2013   ·   location: forworseorworse
id 6462255
default

Girlietoo ( member #38719) posted at 2:41 PM on Sunday, August 25th, 2013

I am sure more experienced posters will be along soon to offer advice. My suggestion is that you see a individual counsellor because you are in for a bumpy ride.

It's also worthwhile to get some legal advice since he doesn't seem remorseful, you will need some financial support/protection.

I'm really sorry that you are going through this:(

Me- 40
Him- 47
March 9, 2013- the day my heart died

posts: 282   ·   registered: Mar. 13th, 2013   ·   location: Canada
id 6462256
default

jjct ( member #17484) posted at 2:54 PM on Sunday, August 25th, 2013

Yes to the legal advice.

No to the leaving - could be used against you as "abandoning the child"...

With his attitude, I suspect you want to do everything to fix this. That's normal. Completely.

The sooner you realize you can't fix him, the bettr you will be.

Remember this.

YOU DID NOT CAUSE THE AFFAIR.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

Read the 180 in the healing library.

http://survivinginfidelity.com/faq_bs.asp#FAQ11

Keep in mind, the 180 is about you and healing you alone.

It is not about getting you H to do anything - it is not a manipulative tool.

It sounds whack. It sounds counter-intuitive. I know.

But it is the #1 best thing you can do for yourself right now.

He is not in any way close to remorseful - you can't fix him!

So, take care of you & the dear baby.

Sending you strength.

posts: 7269   ·   registered: Dec. 24th, 2007   ·   location: texas
id 6462267
default

Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 3:03 PM on Sunday, August 25th, 2013

I second everything jjct said.

Your brief departure did NOT in any way affect the chances for Reconciliation. He is trying to blame you for everything, but remember that his words are not true - they are not reflective of reality. It is key that you take care of yourself and your child at this point. I know it seems hard but you do have the strength within you.

I feel like the work you did with the pastor may have caused you to feel innecessisarily responsible for things as he gave you one sided homework for a two person relationship. Remember that you are deserving of remorse and work from WH, not the other way around.

Sending hugs and good thoughts.

[This message edited by Jrazz at 9:06 AM, August 25th (Sunday)]

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

posts: 29076   ·   registered: Feb. 28th, 2011   ·   location: California
id 6462275
default

 forworseorworse (original poster new member #40419) posted at 5:47 PM on Sunday, August 25th, 2013

I wish I could, and want to stop talking to him...but every little thought in my head ends up in a text message to him ...he is still adamant about not trying ...just hope one of us changes our minds soon

posts: 3   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2013   ·   location: forworseorworse
id 6462422
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20250404a 2002-2025 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy