I hope you read this before you talk to him today.
Do not tell him anything now.
Please go to the library or book store TOdAY and get Love Must Be Tough. And by tough they mean tough love. 180, get centered, expect respect, stand tall.
Please do not tell him you are reading the book. It is an easy read, the pages are kinda broken up for those of us who can't concentrate for very long! By chapter 2 you will know how to handle this. And yes, it does say to do what you are saying.
Release the "trap door" they feel holds them in the cage by not looking desperate, you have more respect that that for yourself. Be extremely calm, etc. But please read this today if you can.
I'm 53 and OW is 35, blond, cute, etc. After I got this book I stood tall, changed overnight, and XWH said he was thinking about coming back. I was so strong after only 2 chapters I looked him in the eye and calmly said "Only with Marriage Counseling. I want and I deserve the whole 9 yards. NOT a fake marriage". He was shocked because prior to this I was begging him to not leave!
The book is by Dr. James Dobson and as a Christian you would think he would say to pray, and wait, and pander to their wishes, but he actually says in the book that is EXACTLY the wrong way to handle things. He says that tells the WS you are easy and a pushover and are not a person to be respected. He says time and time again when he sees the BS stand up, turn around, work on them selves that it actually attracts the WS!
The author also says the WS is in the middle of an addiction of sorts and actions speak to these people. Some words, yes, but only said with confidence.
I know this is so so so hard right now for you with children. 180 180 180
[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 11:00 AM, August 25th (Sunday)]
Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55