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Newest Member: Alleycats (61167)

User Topic: How did you feel on *your* birthday after Dday?
♀ 39588
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My birthday is this week and I do not feel like celebrating. I can't explain it, nothing negative has occurred on the date and I have no problem turning 35 I just feel anxious for some reason. WS wants to do something nice and I appreciate it, I honestly can't put my finger on the reason why I'm dreading it.

Me (BS): 36
Him aka narcissistic psychopath (WS): 36
Married 17 years 6 kids ages 16-7
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

Filed for divorce 5/8/15

Posts: 326 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 39210
Member # 39210
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine was last week and I was the same. Just wanted to ignore it. Because I knew he would put effort into trying to make me feel good, when his affair was the opposite. Putting effort into making me feel like shit.

'You just keep living, until you are alive again'
'I don't want perfect, I want honest'

Posts: 401 | Registered: May 2013
♀ 34602
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The night I found the texts (confronted the next morning) was 4 days before Christmas. My 30th birthday was 4 days after Christmas. I remember being in so much shock that I was just trying to survive day by day. It was all just ruined. It didn't help that I had a pretty bad day besides the A stuff on my birthday.

How I handle any special day now is that I allow myself to make whatever plans I want to. Whether it is none, something small, or big. But I also allow myself the leeway for plans to change. Who knows if the day before I will have a huge trigger. Of course if you are trying to R, you do need a supportive and remorseful partner. Someone who understands how a trigger might ruin a day and that feelings after an A is one giant roller coaster. Also someone who knows the firsts will be tough (ie the first special event since DDay...especially if you know the A was going on during that time).

Me: 35
WH: 36 TimeToManUp
Married: 14 years, together 19 years
3 daughters: 12, 8, 5, and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)

D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

This is the most difficult thing I've ever done.

Posts: 1840 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
♂ 40222
Member # 40222
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can completely relate. My WGF did not get me anything for Xmas, Vday or my Bday. But, she sure got him something for Xmas, vday and his bday.
I'm not celebrating anything anymore.

Posts: 74 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ 38805
Member # 38805
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll tell you in 10 days its 4 days after our first wedding anniversary :(

Posts: 309 | Registered: Mar 2013
♀ 40150
Member # 40150
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a difficult time with certain dates as the A happened during significant days. My 10 year anniversary & my 40th bday. My aunt said to me "There is never going to be a good time for your husband to have an affair."

I don't blame you for not wanting to celebrate. It's your day - you should do whatever YOU want to do however you want to do it.

Him WH
2 kids elementary school age
Married 12 years
05/20/13 I confront and TT begins
07/01/13 The whole truth. Admits to EA/PA

Posts: 89 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I requested a skip that first year - family celebrations were too much to bear.

The second year, we went to Disneyland and it was awesome, but I still had lingering feelings of resentment that the landscape of these things had changed so much.

This year? Business as usual. We were super busy but my Godparents took us out one night, and my dad and sister came up to visit the next and we went out again. I enjoyed spending the time with family.

It's REALLY hard the first go-around, but birthdays and holidays won't always be so painful and confusing.


[This message edited by Jrazz at 6:32 PM, August 25th (Sunday)]

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

Posts: 29076 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
♀ 40012
Member # 40012
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We made it through his B-day without trouble, I even got WH some nice gifts. He was away working on the Ambulance and that kept me from dwelling on the A.

My B-day is this week and my boss has reserved a 3-day stay at a resort for us. We went to the same place last year before I knew about the A.

We are riding over just few hills in our R, but I am prepared to escape if I trigger. This will give me time to process the pain without taking the enjoyment of the vacation from my children.

I am much more concerned about our Anniversary celebration since DDay.

BS 53
WH 44
M 14 years at time of DD
2 young daughters
DD 12-8-12
A-3 YEARS and her husband was an accomplice.
In R, IC, & MC Since 1 week after DD. On the mend with the help of God, Friends and Family.

Posts: 93 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Central FL
♀ 36976
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 11:21 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

During his affair the year before he had been spending sex week-end with MOW in a lux resort in the beach community we had visited as a family the month before.

This year I let him know that he needed to do something special (special involving me this time) on my birthday.

On my b-day he gave me the card he found in our dresser drawer, the one I had been saving for my friend. I am not one who ever cared that much about BD's before but I almost divorced him on the spot.

Posts: 870 | Registered: Sep 2012
Topic Posts: 9

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