Hi, Broken,
In my experience, it's been 2 1/2yrs. since Dday, I am older and was engaged to xwf for 7 1/2 yrs. at Dday. It had been anywhere from 1-3 yrs. of LTA to God knows what else at time of Dday. We lived together most of the time and were virtually married. Definite double life type shock. Lots and lots of triggers.
It took several months to get over my worst physical and emotional pain, then a little less, then each of my parents passed separately over 6 months the following year. Lots involved with that, and that was almost overtaken with my still grieving the PTSD of xwf's sudden announcement and abandonment.
So when you see people here comparing the stressors, you'll see why you're having a rough time. Some say infidelity is as bad as or worse than...(insert here).
I also just last week had something else add to all this and my nerves are shot.
I remember thinking and wondering if the 2-5 yrs. healing time be true if I wasn't married. Well guess what. It's true. I think it would be harder for me if xwf and I were still together. That's me though and I might feel different if we had reconciled.
Now what I do want to say here though is that you must remember that you will not get ANY empathy or understanding from your xwgf. Don't fool yourself. Everytime you tell her you're still "dealing with frequent depression and anxiety" she doesn't empathize at all. She's broken and blanks this out. Nada. Nothing there. It will just frustrate you and leave you hurting again each and everytime you either think about contacting her or actually do it.
In my early days I too felt the compulsion to call xwf. Everyone here was right--do not call. NC means no more hurts/pain. And the best you can do is walk away from this unfeeling uncaring person and what you thought she was, and spend ALL that energy on getting back to your own happy and healthy. Show her and all the other cheaters out there that they're nobody. They are very broken. You simply must take care of yourself.
I have been the recipient of disrespect again last week, that once again made me feel like I've got the scarlet letter on my forehead--cheated on, so treat me like I don't know shit and walk all over me. I had days of sleep loss, anxiety, and then palpitations. Could not get out of ths mode. Am I the only one who really cares?? I finally addressed it the best way to let go. That's it--boundaries are up. These people are THEM. I would not behave like this and will protect myself whatever it takes from this type of hurt, pain, angst.
Get your angry up. You deserve the best life has to offer. Let these others go. It's your life.
You're young. Alot of living to do. Am not trying to minimize your pain. I still feel mine in all kinds of ways. I care. Xwgf and xwf don't.
Hugs today broken.
[This message edited by Thinkingtoomuch at 8:01 AM, August 27th (Tuesday)]