SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

krazy8516 posted 8/25/2013 16:34 PM

It's been a looonnnnggg time since I've been lacking confidence. I was very overweight in high school, but I haven't really felt crappy about myself since I was a Junior.

Today I was standing in line at Target and I couldn't help but hang out and review magazine covers. Cover after cover of beautiful women (yes, I know they're Photoshopped, but still). Thin, gorgeous women with beautiful skin and hair and there I am with my frizzy hair and flip-flops suddenly feeling quite insecure.

I've never really concerned myself about other women. I notice them, and I appreciate a pretty face/body/hairstyle etc. But I don't dwell. I don't ever think, "I wonder if H thinks she's hotter than me?" WH was always very good at making me feel attractive. Telling me regularly that I'm beautiful, I look nice/ smell good, I have a great ass (I disagree, but hey, to each their own).

After his A, I'm suddenly a different person. I'm fatter, uglier, frizzier... you name it. I've seen pictures of his AP (first pic I ever saw of her she was topless) - she's 24 with a tight body. I'm 30 with an I-was-never-thin-to-begin-with-and-I-had-a-baby-less-than-two-years-ago body. Never really bothered me until today. I'm standing there staring at these magazines and I trigger I guess. Suddenly I hate myself. And the OW. And next thing I know I'm thinking about the women WH dated before me (only 5, that I'm aware of) and I'm wondering what they look like. I mean I doubt their supermodels, but I imagine they're more like OW than me - younger, thinner... prettier? I don't know. All I know is, I hate that I even care. I always thought I was enough for WH, now I question everything, even that.

It was kind of a bummer moment in an otherwise nice weekend.

brownwren posted 8/25/2013 17:37 PM

[This message edited by brownwren at 6:33 AM, August 26th (Monday)]

SoAngryAndHurt posted 8/25/2013 17:55 PM

I feel the same way krazy8516. I wonder if its because we are both older than our WHs. I always thought I was enough.. but now am questioning if I am.

I know the A was about him and not about me.. but its tough to remember that some times.

Hang in there.

***HUGS***

Daisy312 posted 8/25/2013 18:01 PM

I'm so sorry your feeling that way. Ive seen pics of my fwhs other woman. I have had two kids, and I'm 7 yrs older than her but I have a way better body and I'm better looking but I still feel so insecure now! I feel horrible when we are around other women and have the same thoughts as you. Even though I know this isn't true I still feel like she must've been better than me because he put her before me for 7 months. It's such a blow to our self esteem, but like the others are saying its them that are lacking not us! Take care!

cancuncrushed posted 8/26/2013 14:38 PM

I was feeling insecure. I was feeling bitter. OW was 20 yrs younger. Educated, fit, came from a very wealthy successful well known family. I cannot compete. At first, I was devastated. I bought new clothes, looked good every day. Kept house in shape. Cooked like crazy. Then I realized. I've always done this......And it didnt prevent the A..... So now, I wear paint covered clothes everyday, because my hobby is refinishing antiques. I dont wear alot of makeup, on these working days, I put my hair in a ponytail. ANd I am better emotionally then I have been in 5 years. I do not hide behind walls when I change clothes. He can look and not like me , all he wants. It no longer bothers me. I realized that I was so greatly bothered, and yet it changed nothing. I will alway be 20 years older. I am ok. (However, someone asked me if I was 38 yrs old. ANd then asked if I was into karate. I said no, I am 55 yrs old, and I lift furniture every day in 98 degrees. Its a great workout. A great stress burner. My confidence is back. What he thinks of me is not important. And I am doing what makes me very happy, every day. I stay filthy. I do clean up occasionally. And I like to dress up then. But I do it for me. And its true. When you feel better about yourself, other people see it. I get more compliments, when I feel better about myself. Dont be consumed by his opinions and wants. I am not sure if its confidence coming back, or really getting to the place where his opinion doesnt matter. what changes is your level of pain. This is who I am. This is who I want to be. He can take it or leave it. I am not going to be more like her.

krazy8516 posted 8/26/2013 15:05 PM

I don't really want to change me. Yes, I would like to be a little thinner (actually, I lost quite a bit of weight due to the "Infidelity Diet"), but I don't want to look or be like the OW. IMO, she isn't that attractive, she's young & dumb, and she has a job cleaning up rat poop in a science lab. Just wait 'til she's pregnant some day and we'll see how forgiving her tight little body is...

I hate that some stupid thing my husband did is causing me to doubt myself. I want to be sexy to him - I'm still attracted to him, after all.

I am not sure if its confidence coming back, or really getting to the place where his opinion doesnt matter.

I guess one or both of these is my goal...