Today I was standing in line at Target and I couldn't help but hang out and review magazine covers. Cover after cover of beautiful women (yes, I know they're Photoshopped, but still). Thin, gorgeous women with beautiful skin and hair and there I am with my frizzy hair and flip-flops suddenly feeling quite insecure.
I've never really concerned myself about other women. I notice them, and I appreciate a pretty face/body/hairstyle etc. But I don't dwell. I don't ever think, "I wonder if H thinks she's hotter than me?" WH was always very good at making me feel attractive. Telling me regularly that I'm beautiful, I look nice/ smell good, I have a great ass (I disagree, but hey, to each their own).
After his A, I'm suddenly a different person. I'm fatter, uglier, frizzier... you name it. I've seen pictures of his AP (first pic I ever saw of her she was topless) - she's 24 with a tight body. I'm 30 with an I-was-never-thin-to-begin-with-and-I-had-a-baby-less-than-two-years-ago body. Never really bothered me until today. I'm standing there staring at these magazines and I trigger I guess. Suddenly I hate myself. And the OW. And next thing I know I'm thinking about the women WH dated before me (only 5, that I'm aware of) and I'm wondering what they look like. I mean I doubt their supermodels, but I imagine they're more like OW than me - younger, thinner... prettier? I don't know. All I know is, I hate that I even care. I always thought I was enough for WH, now I question everything, even that.
It was kind of a bummer moment in an otherwise nice weekend.
married 2y, together 2.5y
1 beautiful daughter, 23m
"Someday soon, I'm going to put my life together; Win or lose, I'm starting over again."
[This message edited by brownwren at 6:33 AM, August 26th (Monday)]
I know the A was about him and not about me.. but its tough to remember that some times.
Hang in there.
I hate that some stupid thing my husband did is causing me to doubt myself. I want to be sexy to him - I'm still attracted to him, after all.
I am not sure if its confidence coming back, or really getting to the place where his opinion doesnt matter.
I guess one or both of these is my goal...