I am just curious did anyone know about your A...did you tell them or did they find out on accident? How did those people act towards you after dday?
My mom and dad were worried about me, but they are/were still loving, my dad worries when I visit without my H, or am out late. He tells me to "take it easy," and gives me a look. He is telling me to stay out of trouble. My mom, she is my rock, I would have sucked on a pistol without her. She helped me put my life into perspective again, what my priorities should be etc.
My older brother was mad at me, as well as my older sister. My older brothers wife was mad at me too and was talking crap about me behind my back to my older sister, but I found out later, she had an A too, before I had mine. She is like that, hypocritical, self-righteous...
My younger brother was mad at OM and wanted to kill him. My younger sister felt horrible and was scared because she gave me OM's number after he called my parents house. In her defense she was only 12.
I used her, she couldn't know what I would do.
They all found out because my H called them and told them I was at OM's place, they went to pick me up and talk some sense into me.
[This message edited by stupidgurl at 8:59 PM, August 25th (Sunday)]
2002/3 (him) EA
Tog. 14 yrs, Marr. 13 and counting!
Chicho told everyone else. No, he confided in a close friend, shared about it in meetings, and then as time went on he told some more people.
We wound up with pretty much everyone in our lives knowing.
The support we have received has been amazing.
At first I was horrified with the thought of so many people knowing, but almost no one treated me any differently.
Chicho's Dad was the only one who did, but that has changed over time. Chicho told his parents that it was our decision to R, and that we hoped they could respect that decision and support us. They do.
Ultimately I'm glad so many people know. We have a huge support system.
"Your secrets keep you sick"
**The cruelest lies are often told in silence- Robert Louis Stevenson
She chose not to tell anyone, feeling our private marital issues were ours to address, as long as we were pointed toward healing. We have been doing just that, not perfectly on my part especially, but earnestly and with an incredible feeling of excitement regarding what we both know, and have known since our eyes first met...that we're with the love of eachother's life...with our soulmate.
Here and there I suggest again if she needs to share with any loved one (edit to add: or IC, etc.) I will understand, and she does appreciate that very sincere gesture on my part. Part of me feels I got away with avoiding the punishment and loathing from family and friends that as a cheater I deserve, right? But in the end, I know.
[This message edited by JustDesserts at 8:57 AM, August 26th (Monday)]
Since that first coming out WH has told his sister(also because I demanded it) and his BF. I have told the people who ultimately helped me through this hell...several very close friends. I too lost a good friend through this, she didn't think I should keep a H who could do this to me and shit all over me. Once in a while I open up to others but I am very selective in doing that.
[This message edited by TxsT at 11:45 AM, August 26th (Monday)]
Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!
Since DDay, I have told 2 friends and his parents. I told his parents because they have refused to have anything to do with me and blamed me for all of our marriage problems. So I sent them an email explaining exactly what their precious son had been up to and told them to verify it with him, which they did. They still act like I do not exist, oh well their loss. He has since told his 2 best friends from childhood. They were both very supportive of me and pissed at him.
And of course our MC/IC.
[This message edited by soveryweary at 5:47 PM, August 26th (Monday)]
My husband refused to tell anyone else. He said I didn't cheat on anyone else but him. Why would we tell everyone our marital business? He also didn't want either of us to be treated differently and outsider's opinions and "advice".
He made the decision and I've stood by him. We've talked about telling my Mother but we haven't fully made up our minds yet.
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne
My friends are pissed at me and think I am a complete Jack-ass but they still support me and my efforts to get myself set straight, along with helping my BS through this horrible act(s) that I have brought into our relationship. I donít think they really know what they should be doing, so for the most part they wait for me to make contact. Which I donít really do, I really just donít want to be talking to anyone outside of my wife these days. Maybe itís foolish pride too. I already feel as shitty as I can get.
As for our family, all my parents know, her grandmother (both her parents have passed so Grandma is closest family), and a few select friends. I echo the sentiment about not wanting to really talk to anyone but my wife these days. However I do talk to people I feel safe around...but that's a really small population these days.
BW told more of her friends than I did, but she has a bigger support network of close friends. More of her family knows, again, she needed their support, and her IC.
While I hate that her family knows, it is the truth, and I cannot change that. Something I have to live with.
Separated transitioning to D