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When does a spouse turn from a wayward spouse to a former wayward spouse? I have seen people put that in their messages, but I don't know when that transformation happens.

When you are 110% shown proof that their cheating behaviours are now in a former life. If there is still any chance of seeing anything remotely suspicious or if they continue to disrespect you or the M then they are still wayward in their thinking.

I seem to have developed my own coding system.

He is being transparent, kind, in mc and ic. I believe that he is not a risk at this time for betrayal but I don't trust yet completely.

I always refer to him as "h", no capitalization, and the "a" is also not capitalized. I guess I think of the capital as a sign of respect, kind of like a name or God are always capitalized.

Silly but it's how I feel.

He will get the capital when I feel he has earned it and the "a" will never get it.

Confused...

For me it is a way to validate that I have turned the corner of being a BS and he has turned the corner of being a WS. We have worked long and hard and overcome this hell together. I acknowledge his pain along with my own, which is very hard from some BS's to do. To me a FWS means I no longer feel he will ever be that way again. He has discovered that he too made our marriage weak...something many WS's never admit to.

T