BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
Sparkles, the thing is, we like to have the "answers" and to be able to "label" everything. With a WS, you can't always, because they will never give all the pieces to you.
Why does it matter to you if it's an exit affair? And what is the differences to you if it was or wasn't? Does one make it easier to handle if it was or wasn't? I'm not trying to be rude or whatever, it's just for you to think of. It you think it was, and that helps you deal with it in some ways, then it was.
All affairs suck. There is no good in an affair at all; they all hurt the BS, and aren't fair to the BS whether they plan it as an exit affair or not. He could have refused to talk to you about it with a C because "he just wanted away from you" and had the affair as an excuse, or because he's too chicken to face you, and doesn't want his mind changed, or, or, or...
It doesn't matter. If he wanted out of your relationship, then the ADULT way to deal with things would have been to talk to you, tell you how he was feeling and either the two of you get MC to try and fix things, or the two of you decide to call it quits...BEFORE he meets some pig.
If he really was happy with you then met this pig to fill his needs while away and now is too embarrassed because of what he did, then he isn't man enough to be in a real relationship.
If it helps you to label it an exit affair, then go for it. See, since they will never give us all the pieces, we get to fill in the blanks with what pieces we believe fit, and what are they going to do? Complain?
To me, an exit affair is when the person wants out of the relationship and isn't Man (or Woman) enough do things the right way, so they try to piss off the other person and make them the bad guy so they can say look! She threw me out! She filed! It wasn't my fault! Poor me! In other ways the semantics don't matter, they are all exit affairs, as they all stepped outside the boundaries of the relationship, so they "exited" the relationship to do what they wanted.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.
WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.