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Newest Member: Brokeninnm38 (61788)

User Topic: He's Not Heartless Just Dumb
♀ 25451
Member # 25451
Default  Posted: 11:33 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Haha just kidding- he just lacks emotional intelligence.
If I didn't know better I would literally believe my husband was acting like a moron to trick me.
He's- very, very smart. As in valedictorian, almost perfect SAT.
Yet, it took me explaining how I felt to him- the same way I explain emotions to my four year old(that feels so condescending- but Im not trying to be)
My IC told me to- and I did.
My husband and I (myself? I can never keep that straight) had a 30 minute conversation in which I was completely honest, vulnerable and explained my feelings in very, very simple terms.
That 30 minutes- and the resulting clarity-saved our marriage.
Hopefully Ill have time to explain in more detail-certain books helped.
I'm here because * I just now * remembered it was near dday month. I can't believe I FORGOT about dday this time. The fact that it was four years ago- has nothing to do with it.

[This message edited by MoreThanMe at 11:37 PM, August 25th (Sunday)]

Brevity, typos & misspellings provided by my ipad and fatigue.
It's been 4 years, SA husband sober. We're doing okay. Today.

fWH had ONS with High School Principal he met on 08/25/2009

Posts: 705 | Registered: Sep 2009
♀ 37107
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The emotional intelligence thing is very hard to deal with. It seems to me my fWH has very little emotional intelligence... he just doesn't "get" emotional things. At a time like this I NEED him to be emotionally intelligent. His lack of sensitivity really hampers our efforts at R. I get so hurt and offended when he behaves like an emotional moron... I take it personally. In the normal course of our marriage I have been able to laugh it off, we would joke about it, I'd tease him that he has all the sensitivity of a rhinoceros' ass etc... Now it's not so funny!

BS 49
Together 32 yrs, M 28 years
2 daughters 27yo(married with 2 children) & 22yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 1310 | Registered: Oct 2012
♀ 34353
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband is the same way. I think it is like this for a lot of men. They are taught from a young age to surpress their feelings, real men don't cry, etc. It makes them emotionally stunted.

Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA and 10/28/15 NEW dday.
Just surviving.

Posts: 1849 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
Topic Posts: 3

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