I am beginning to think that what ever thrills she was getting from the sexting, she may have been getting from 50 Shades. I have asked her as much and she got mad at me for even suggesting it.
I haven't read the books myself, but from what I have heard they are quite graphic- which I imagine 5 months of sexting must have been too.
What do you think? Am I reading in to this too far?
Porn, whether in book or movie form, is a high (woo hoo, sex chemicals!). If the books are anything like their reputations, they probably do give a high to certain people - coupled with her high-risk (cheating) behavior, why not?
Are you finding 50 Shades of Grey to be a trigger for you?
The tricky thing here is that it's a very personal thing to draw the line where fantasy starts affecting your reality. In the case of my R, we've both decided that Crazz can no longer view any type of pornography because he has a hard time drawing lines between simply thinking about something and acting on it.
I've personally never had bad fantasy/reality boundaries, but in honor of our commitment to transparency and communication I checked with him first about the books before buying them. I must admit, pretty early on I knew the were a little too.... "involving" of certain brain chemicals, so I asked Crazz to read them too so we would be on the same page. (No pun intended)
He got bored 2.5 books in, but he does not have any bad feelings about me reading them and I do not think they affected me in any way that would dishonor our commitment.
If nothing else, just your concern alone should be reason enough to talk to her about your feelings on the matter. Considering she is the WS, I hope she can be open to understanding how hard it is for a BS to know that they have a picture of ANYONE besides you in their minds in a sexual matter. For me, it would be a boundary buster.
working towards D...I can't pretend anymore
**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**
I sort of think that the books do get you going in fantasy mode and possibly cross the line. Much like porn. If you're not 100% of a grounded person or have an addictive personality or going through depression, anything like a fantasy can be something you would hand yourself over to. Just my opinion. Not justifying either, just trying to make sense.
I have been thinking about reading the books myself. I am curious as to the actual content.
DS (6), DS (18 months)
Aug 30 2013 He gives me back his ring with an ultimatum: "Get over it or get out".
Status: Done like dinner
[This message edited by Hearthache again at 9:23 PM, August 26th (Monday)]
This too shall pass
I edit a lot because that stupid box is so small!
Just curious...what do you do with that info? How does it relate to your healing? (I'm just drawing a blank, that's all)
Her getting mad at you.
Not only is it a shut-you-down ploy (a manipulation), it's a troublesome sign.
I'm sorry if it's headed to D, but I guess you have to consider the energy you're spending on someone who does not seem transparent or even authentic. Not a safe partner for you.
Do you get angry when someone asks you a question like that?
Pure defense mechanism on her part.
She's shutting you up with anger.
It's a bit abusive to me.
Not so much for fWW. She had an IC first biweekly, then monthly but I think they spent most of their time talking about me. I have made requests to go with her, but she hasn't had an appointment in months, she missed the last one and hasn't rescheduled. I asked if if she is going to or why she hasn't and I am met with "I don't know."
She still isn't honest with me about thoughts and feelings, but I think at this point that is because she isn't honest with herself about them.
So this is just helping me build the momentum to do what I am thinking I need to do.
To be honest though I am terrified, but that is taking this thread quite a bit off track, perhaps I should start another.... And make an appointment to see my IC.