"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

cuppacoffee posted 8/26/2013 06:45 AM

we are going longer and longer periods inbetween sex which is not like us at all. it's been like a a week or two in between the lovin.

So last night we had plans for doing the deed. he just wants to hop to it. then tells me something gross that i can do. i say no and he gets all pissy with me. so of course i flip into A mode and tell him how shitty it is that he would say that to me. he would never have said something like that to her. then he tells me it's not worth the effort.

really fool? but keeping a fake relationship with some skank from work was for 10 months? that shit was worth the work? he kissed her and spoke nicely to her.

why the hell don't i deserve that? he's such an ass.

sunflowergirl30 posted 8/26/2013 07:34 AM

I said the same thing to wh a few months back...he wanted to have sex but there was no foreplay, no build up. He talked dirty to me, groped me and I was supposed to be "ready"...i said to him," i bet you didnt talk that way to mow"....i bet that wouldn't have gotten you very far with her but I'm supposed to just drop my pants and bend over...?! Wtf

Maybe that is what she liked....I don't.

I suppose in their stolen moments they were so exited and in a rush that was enough for her...

I require more than..." You look hot" "wanna fuck" and having my body groped then being bent over pants pulled down and pounded....all within 2 to 5min. Lasting about 10min. Lol

If thats a glimpse into their quickies...just disgusting.

Then wh getting up and going on his merry way acting as if he just did me some favor. Me sitting there cleaning myself up...thinking wtf was that.

Im sure he at least kissed her, caressed her. I saw pics of their "passion"...lustful looks and kissing.

Wh has said at times when he's being a douche and I'm just being so difficult that its not worth the effort. Yet he chased after mow and put in effort for several months.

Asshole.

Last time we had sex he could barely maintain an erection. It was crazy. He acted as if it wasn't happening. Uh ok as he's trying to go at it with a softy...I'm just laying there thinking should I comment?! Does he think I'm enjoying this...is he as embarrassed as I am?! Is there something wrong with me? Am I turning him off?!

Now for me sex just isn't worth it. Why bother. 36 yrs. old and I feel like that part of my life is over. How sad.

ladies_first posted 8/26/2013 07:39 AM

then tells me something gross that i can do

So, he's introducing something new into the bedroom, something you've never been willing to do in the past?

he kissed her and spoke nicely to her.

Are you assuming/glamorizing what WH did with OW?

Kelany posted 8/26/2013 07:43 AM

My husband treated my like that before all the affairs came out. I was nothing but a vessel for him to act out with, an unpaid whore to him, he admits this now.

His sex with the OW's, he *did* treat them that way. He didn't try to please them. It was about him getting off only.

I refuse to go back to that place, and now that he's sexually sober, he refuses to treat me that way.

It is unacceptable for one to be treated as a sex object. I set my boundaries and will not allow that abuse anymore. If we mutually want a quickie, great. But I'm no longer a glorified blow up doll.

We've worked very hard at creating emotional intimacy so that sexual intimacy is much greater. We constantly engage each other, eye contact, talking to each other.

Make boundaries, don't accept this behavior.

cuppacoffee posted 8/26/2013 08:02 AM

he told me about how they made out. he knows how much i like to kiss and hates doing it.

he only had sex with her 3 times and it was at work so i don't think it was all dirty like. i'm pretty sure he didn't tell her she could like the space between his balls and asshole and to be careful that it might not be that clean. wtf?

he's into ties and restritants. he's just an asshole. he can lick it himself.

and he told me he tried to not offend her or gross her out because he wasn't comfortable like that.

i'm just pissed.

Kelany posted 8/26/2013 08:21 AM

Are you serious? I'm disgusted on your behalf!!!!! That's sick.

ladies_first posted 8/26/2013 08:35 AM

he tells me something gross that i can do...could like the space between his balls and asshole and to be careful that it might not be that clean.

then he tells me it's not worth the effort.

Sounds like he's getting his ideas from pornography (not the OW) ... and when fantasy doesn't match reality, he gets frustrated.

cuppacoffee posted 8/26/2013 08:35 AM

i think he thought he was being funny.

i know he's stressed because he is now unemployed but really he doesn't have to behave like this.

humor in the bedroom is fine but like that is just icky to me. i know people are into different things but i draw the line there. i recluctantly give into his needs to ties and whatnot. i hate it but i do it for him. he is just so disrespectful.

Ostrich80 posted 8/26/2013 09:40 AM

Sounds like he's getting his ideas from pornography (not the OW) ... and when fantasy doesn't match reality, he gets frustrated.

This^^^^^ I agree with ladiesfirst

Hey there's nothing wrong with experimenting but both parties should be in agreement, not one feeling disrespected. I think the porn and quickies with ow tend to become a way of life,. Intimacy gets destroyed. My ws began wham bam thank you mam'ing me. It's just so different than how he used to be. Like another poster just said, they look at you afterwards like they deserve an applause. They screw whores then want to treat the wife like one.
The last time I gave in, I regretted immediately and told him he could go fuck himself from now on

SoOver96 posted 8/26/2013 13:19 PM

Do any of you get it doesnt matter bullshit it does matter I get a you want me hello I've had 3 kids pop out of me your kids show some passion damn it and no quickies. He thinks there's something cause I don't get off hello some woman one being me cant get off in one to five minutes
Any of you get flipped on their stomach so they can't see your face but he says it's easier for him?

ladies_first posted 8/26/2013 13:26 PM

i know he's stressed because he is now unemployed but really he doesn't have to behave like this.

So he's unemployed, that leaves him with 8-9 hours a day. Any chance he's using porn as his stress-reliever of choice?

Those women never object to degrading behavior.

Morhurt posted 8/26/2013 13:28 PM

Please stop having sex with him. I am horrified for you. It sounds closer to "sexual abuse" than to "making love" to me. You need to stop. Now.

Ostrich80 posted 8/26/2013 16:51 PM

Just a little 2 center here..my ws also pulled the stressed card...not stressed jus thinking of the ow. He couldn't keep it up UNLESS he woke me in the middle of the night for a quickie...how much you wanna bet he was dreaming of the bitch. I've seem my ws stressed over way bigger shit than what he was claiming then, when he wasn't cheating..did not affect his performance at all.

Holly-Isis posted 8/26/2013 16:59 PM

I would think that to agree to bondage, you would have to trust him.

Please don't do this anymore until he's worked on his issues and is showing you respect for your needs and wants.

I'm worried that you're setting yourself up for something worse if you continue to allow him to use you sexually. He will value you exactly how much you allow yourself to be valued.