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Me again requesting email help.

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Helen of Troy posted 8/26/2013 07:20 AM

The neverending jerk.

"Just so we are clear.... we buy the girls tooth brushes almost every time they come because they do not bring them with them.
Furthermore the whole reason for this dental work is due to you not following up on their hygiene practices. The little bit of time they spend with me has very little bearing on their overall dental status yet I have to pay for half of your inability to get the girls to brush and floss...
In addition the girls need to bring any and all feminine hygiene products they might need as there is no one here who uses these
products. Child support pays for these things once, they do not need to be paid for twice.
SO, YOU need to remind the girls to bring their hygienic necessities and while you are at it remind them to brush and floss while they are with YOU so as to limit all these dental bills. BTW I have looked into dental plans and for the little bit of money (20 extra dollars to a plan that would cost you 11.99 a month) there would have been a savings of over 500.00 easily and my portion of that dental plan would been so much less than 250.00. It is ridiculous that the majority of the child support I am paying is going towards dental bills instead of clothes and food"

So I can't tell, is he deciding that he will not pay 1/2 the dental copays stipulated in the divorce agreement? Is he taking that out of CS as his justification of paying those?
Also he doesn't give me the information where this alleged dental plan exists. At my employment, the dental insurance costs more than paying out of pocket, and I work for a state company that employs thousands of people. Also it doesn't say in agreement that I have to provide dental insurance. It does say I carry medical, which I do at xx amount of dollars which is figured into how much CS he is ordered to pay me.
Is this email his bogus way of fabricating another excuse/blameshifting why he isn't paying CS as he is supposed to? It already goes through the state, so his warped mind is making up his own rules and blaming me once again.

I need some SI wisdom and personal powerboost here.
I feel like I'm always wrong, that I always do wrong when I try really hard to act with honesty and integrity and do the best I can. He is good at twisting words for people to think I'm not trying at all when right now I AM ALMOST AT MY PERSONAL LIMIT FOR RESPONSIBILITY AND STRESS.

Helen of Troy posted 8/26/2013 07:21 AM

Oh and I am leaning toward a crickets response to this shitty email he wrote.
I just want to know what my rights are. Please don't suggest ask my lawyer or send to my lawyer. I already owe her $350 past due and broke right now. Cannot afford to use her services right now.

Williesmom posted 8/26/2013 07:34 AM

I would respond that the dental insurance sounds like a great deal, and that he should buy it. Oh, and please let you know the policy information when he gets it.

Ping - ball back in his court.


DeadMumWalking posted 8/26/2013 08:13 AM


Child support paid to you is not the full cost to support a child, it is supposed to help to pay for them WHILE THEY ARE WITH YOU.

While they are with HIM, he should needs to support them. Does he expect you to also send over their food???

As for the toothbrushes, if they have toothbrushes there as well as at home then they don't need to transport them back and forth. I fail to understand how he has to 'keep buying' them. Buy them once and they stay there. Done.

Begrudging your daughters feminine hygiene products because 'no one else uses them' is beyond sick. O.M.G. Hey, how about they 'forget' them and sit on his couch without protection. ASSHOLE.


Amazonia posted 8/26/2013 08:22 AM

Crickets, unless the decree says something about each parent providing xyz necessities for their own homes, in which case copy and paste or refer him to that. I do like Wiliesmom's suggestion too

FirstLoveGone posted 8/26/2013 08:26 AM

Ignore. Nothing he emailed warrants a response. If he wants to purchase dental insurance then that's his prerogative. If your girls are old enough to use feminine hygiene products, then he can remind them to bring them (as well as their toothbrushes).

What a fucking asshole!

Helen of Troy posted 8/26/2013 11:01 AM

DeadMum, it kinda struck me as misogynistic too, (about the feminine supplies) then I wondered whether that was my baggage or actual.

Thank you everyone for the help.

Housefulloflove posted 8/26/2013 11:10 AM

What a crybaby. Everything is just so unfair! He has to pay his half even though any problem with the kids has to be ALL YOUR FAULT! The cost of care is ALL YOUR FAULT! Him having to provide things for his kids at his home is ALL YOUR FAULT! It's just so unfaaaaairrr!

I would respond that the dental insurance sounds like a great deal, and that he should buy it. Oh, and please let you know the policy information when he gets it.

This. If HE has a problem with how much he has to pay then HE can fix it. If HE thinks his kids aren't taking care of their teeth, HE can talk to them about it. And while he's at it, he can predict some winning lottery numbers with those psychic abilities he is using to see what the kids are doing at your home!

Other than suggesting he solve his own damn problems, I would ignore his little tantrum.

whyohwhyohwhy posted 8/26/2013 11:32 AM

My 14 year old usually brings her own feminine products with her when she's with her father because she's too embarrassed to ask him.

On those occasions where she forgets, she just tells him she needs some money when they're at the store, and he just gives it to her because he's too embarrassed.

But I am surprised to see your x completely refuse....... what a douche......

I don't understand why they can't just leave toothbrushes at his house.....and even if they don't, toothbrushes are like 99 cents anyway...that isn't going to break anyone. Total douche......

TrustGone posted 8/26/2013 11:42 AM

Ignore! Ignore! Ignore!

These are his problems and not yours. He wants dental insurance, let him pay for it to cover his part. I would not even respond. As far as feminine products, yes he does have someone in the house who uses those, His kids! CS is to help offset the expenses of raising a child full time and no where near covers what it costs. So he has to cover some of the expenses while they are with him. Too bad, so sad. Do not give him the satifaction of a response to his e-mail. I found this out early in my dealings with XWH#1. He thought I should provide everything my son needed while at his parents house. I did until he took the school uniforms I sent and I had to purchase them twice, after that I said no way. He wants him on a school night then he needs to buy his own clothes to send him to school in. Yes my son would often go to school in the same unwashed clothes, but that was on him and his parents, not me. Do not let him make you feel guilty about anything. If he was so worried about his kids, he would have been a faithful husband and father, not a cheating liar.

Helen of Troy posted 8/27/2013 07:47 AM

It's my fault the girls (preteen and teen, way old enough to not have mommy be at blame) have cavities because I don't MAKE them transport the same toothbrush back and forth. This man refuses to buy a $1 toothbrush at the dollar store for his own kids to feel welcome when they visit him. He references "required items" out of context from the divorce agreement, yes he wants me to believe I am in contempt of court over a toothbrush. YES OVER $1 TOOTHBRUSH he could buy at the dollar store for $1. Incorrectly site "that's what child support is for!" Um, no it's not. The parent having custody provides for daily needs and supplies. Also, that's might brave for a man in arrears, late with support and now the state is coming after him by enforcing other means. Wow, project much? Now if I don't MAKE teenagers take their same toothbrush from home to his place, he has threatened to call Children and Family services on me yet again. They've been to my house three times out of revenge call. Each one proven false. Is this supposed to scare me? It doesn't! Bring it on. This man is insanely jealous. He is raging angry that he is being held accountable.
Seriously I am having some very angry thoughts right now.
At work may go for a walk to stay professional and blow off some steam.

"Page 9 of the divorce agreement states that;
"Required children belongings will be provided to the parent by the transporting parent"

Personal hygiene items are required items and things that by law you must provide as a custodial

parent, if you do not think so we can discuss it with department of children and family services. "

In fantasy, I gauge his eyes out with my fingernails and cram a knife into his mouth.

SBB posted 8/27/2013 09:12 AM

Oxygen is also required. Are you to supply that too?

Crickets. Complete crickets.

Dude is batshit car-ayzeee if he thinks CS covers all of his financial obligation to them.

Don't even dignify it with a response. Let the fucker take his horse and pony show to his L. Get your L to go after him all guns blazing for the unpaid CS. Like yesterday.

We cannot control their fuckery but we can control how much we let it impact us.

Anger will get you nowhere. Please do try to see the funny/comical/crazy side of it.

Vent here. Post responses here. Make them so damn funny that I have tears running down my legs.

Don't give him any more oxygen. He is yanking your chain and you're holding the other end to your ankle. Let the chain go.

I've said before I would fling my shit at him if I thought it would make a difference but y'know what - my shit deserves better.

Easier said than done. Boy do I know it. But it is SO worth it.

Don't let him yank your chain.
Don't let him yank your chain.
Don't let him yank your chain.
Don't let him yank your chain.
Don't let him yank your chain.


hexed posted 8/27/2013 09:20 AM

i think he needs to start transporting them to your house. you'd like a week's worth of clothes, food and supples each time right?

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