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Any success stories of WH coming back?

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Eyeofthetiger posted 8/26/2013 07:34 AM

Anyone have any success stories of a WH leaving but then having a WTF moment or epiphany? If so, how long did it take after DDay for this moment?

I am not convinced he left for her. I am convinced he left because of her. If that makes sense. All contact ended shortly after he left me 9 weeks ago. I saw her number come up in the usage as a received text last week after I confronted her. He did not reply.

Someone said to me that he is probably rewriting the history of our marriage to justify his cheating.

Just needing hope that maybe he will realize all he is missing.

[This message edited by Eyeofthetiger at 8:34 AM, August 26th (Monday)]

maxandsen posted 8/26/2013 09:35 AM

Hey Tiger

On DDay my FWH told me he was in love with someone else and wanted me to leave. Completely blindsided. We had just (7 day prior) moved to a new country for his new job and were staying in a company apartment. I left because I had no job and was totally alone.

The first couple of weeks I would call him crying and begging him to come to his senses. Then I got a pair of bitch boots, went 180 and saw an attorney. It took 6 weeks before he was begging me to come back. Well that was over a year and a half ago. I 100% believe that if I never got those boots we would not be together today.

Be sure if and when he does was to try to R you have your list of demands ready. Do not let him just come back and pretend nothing happened.

Sending you hope.
But please know that if he doesn't come back that you will be OK, no better then OK, you will be great :)

Eyeofthetiger posted 8/26/2013 09:42 AM

Thanks! Unfortunately for the first 8 weeks after he left i was a desperate needy woman crying and calling him all the time asking him what he wanted. For 8 weeks he continued to tell me he didnt know if he wanted to work on things or get a divorce. Something in my gut told me there was more and that is when I found out about his EA.

He still claims he doesnt feel the same about me and we arent good together so he isnt remorseful or begging me to take him back like I thought he would be when I found out. He has cried and appologized but that just seems to be regret not remorse.

180 for me but hoping it helps him too.

cantaccept posted 8/26/2013 12:55 PM

My h left on dday, he was horrific while he was gone. Blaming me for the failure of our marriage.

I did make some mistakes, believed him, on Thanksgiving of all days that he was done with the a and wanted to work on us. It was a lie, it was like dday all over again when I saw that he was still texting and talking to her. There were other times that I am ashamed of that I was not strong.

As soon as his a did end we started communicating. He left on Oct. 21 and ended a on Dec 10 2012. For about a month we spent time together and lived apart still.

In retrospect I think I would have felt better now, if I had not let him move back so quickly. I was not as strong then as I am now.

It's kind of funny now but I was only getting good at implementing the 180 for about 2 weeks when he ended his a.

Hard to know what if anything would have been different if I had done anything different.

We are just beginning now, for the last couple of months, to heal.

I remember reading somewhere on here that it's not over until it's over. I must say I did not believe it then. I really believed he had left me forever.

Probably the most important thing for you, no matter what happens, is really take care of you. Do or find things that make you feel good about you.

I know how hard that is. It's still hard for me. I do know that while I was living alone the best thing for me was discovering me. It gave me strength. No matter what happens, you will need strength.

You will get through, honestly it does get better. I still feel awful a lot of the time, but then I remember how I felt in the beginning and appreciate how far I have come, how much I have learned about myself, and most of all I appreciate that I now know how much more I deserve in life.

Tesa posted 8/26/2013 13:16 PM

My husband and I were not married but living togther for over a year when DDay #1 hit. 5 months of false R and Dday #2 happened. He moved out shortly after.

I went NC with him when he left.

8 months later he showed up at my door.

5 months later we were in R and we eloped a year later (about two years after DDay #2).

It does happen but still takes just as much work.

Eyeofthetiger posted 8/26/2013 13:17 PM

Today is rough for me. I cannot focus on anything long enough to be productive.

I am trying the NC 180 again today. But i did have to email him about bills etc. he texted me saying just let him know what i need and should he email me back from now on? I just want him to realize this all quickly. I have no patience left.

For the first 8 weeks he was all over the place with his emotions. He would hold my hand, flirt, be sexual (in which i was stupid enough to give it up). But since I found out about his EA he has been distant and cold etc. I dont really understand the sudden change in him.

Do you think there was something that made your WS have their WTF moment?

devasted30 posted 8/26/2013 13:30 PM

My WS left me on Oct 17/12 and told me he wanted to "live alone" not "be married anymore" He said he loved me but wasn't "in love with me".
After 2 weeks, I started investigating and found out that there was another woman. When I asked him, he confirmed that they had been having an affair off and on (mostly off) for 3 years.
It was horrible. I cried for weeks. I begged him to come home and try - didn't I at least deserve that?????, but he didn't. The things he said and did were so very cruel that I still have a really hard time thinking about them and believing anything he tells me.
On December 29th, he sent me a text message asking me to text him at another email address. When I did and asked him "why" this new address, he told me that he stilled loved me and wanted to return to me.
He has been home since January 1st. It's been very very hard, but I don't want to quit trying because I love him. I don't know if he really loves me or not. He says he does. He has been very remorseful - the whole 9 yards. It's just really hard to trust again. We are in counselling etc. Only time will tell.
Would I do it again?

authenticnow posted 8/26/2013 13:31 PM

Do you think there was something that made your WS have their WTF moment?
My now BH/then WH said that when he saw me getting my shit together, going out, had a date, was when he realized he was going to lose me and didn't want to. That was when he dropped OW and asked to move home.

marcywal posted 8/26/2013 13:33 PM

My husband and I were married 3 years when he had his affair. The asshole did everything with her. So general online I researched that my recovery would take forever. But I had a baby girl and still love for him. So just about a year after the affair I decided I would no longer be unhappy and struggle, but enforce happiness onto myself. He knows I will not stay if he does it again and not 5 years later I know he wont do anything again. He really does love me. I trust him when he travels for work because he checks in and thanks to iPhone finder i know where he is if I feel i want to check. We have 4 kids now and I love my family. Ladies, my only advice is if you feel you are not strong enough, you aren't and get a divorce. if you want to be happy with him, just be happy and know your way out if he does it again. No need to waste 2-5 years on unhappiness and stress, because he wont waste that time.

TXBW68 posted 8/26/2013 13:34 PM

Yes, but please understand that it is not the norm around here.

My H left me 4/29/12 for a coworker who lives 1600 miles from us. Their relationship to that point was strictly EA since February 2012 - texting, chatting at work, late at night after I went to bed. I spent the first few weeks making all of the classic BS mistakes. But he was determined that she was his "soulmate" so I stopped. I kissed him goodbye, made him sign a separation agreement concerning money and kids, and put myself/kids in counseling to help us cope.

He was sent to her city for business in July 2012. They finally consummated their true love. I started gathering evidence and looking for a lawyer. In October 2012, I told him that it had been 6 months, I had a lawyer and I was ready to file. I was finally done. At that point, he broke down. "OMG, what have I done?" We started talking after that. Became better co-parents. THEN in November, we started flirting one day. Next thing I know we were dating again - yes, including sex with no strings.

We were both leary about getting back together... But we eventually took the chance. He moved home in February 2013. Obviously there was a LOT more drama than what I have described.

What I discovered was that he had been on a downward spiral for 6 years and was leading a double life. He was letting his non-marriage friendly friends get in his head. I was the ball/chain holding him back. I was "controlling" because I would ask him to be home by 2am instead of 4am on nights that their band played or don't let band chicks kiss on him, even on his cheek. He had a wife and 2 kids - the others were single drunken skirt-chasers. He initially let them poison his mind against me and the marriage. Then, he took it from there and progressed on his own with porn, sexting, 100s of naked girl pictures, and 4 other women. The one he left me for, his so-called true love, could have been anyone.

What he discovered was that COW was not his soul mate/true love. I was! He broke it off with OW4 in September but didn't tell me because he didn't want to hear "I told you so". He started cutting out some of those bad influences even before I said that I was done and ready to divorce.

He didn't find what he was looking for out there in "singles" land. But he did find a new level of maturity and appreciation for what he had the whole time with me.

It's taken me some time to accept everything that he did. But I'm there. WE are there together!

[This message edited by TXBW68 at 1:36 PM, August 26th (Monday)]

Tesa posted 8/26/2013 13:45 PM

He did have a 'WTF was I thinking moment' but it was a result of his coming out of the fog & really nothing I did or didn't do.

The entire time he was gone was HELL. It was the worst time in my life, not only due to his A but because my ex-WH sued me for custody of our daughters (thought that since he married again that would be enough for him to get custody) and my father died of cancer. My 1st court date for custody was 4 days before my dad passed. (I won the custody suit, after a 6 month battle).

There are entie chunks of time in 2010 that I do not remember. Sometimes, I look back in wonder. How I managed to keep my job & pay my bills is amazing to me.

gonogo1 posted 8/27/2013 06:52 AM

It's not over till it's over. 4 years FWH moved back into our home . It took 4 years for him to realize that he had to do some work to turn this around because I was gone , I Was living my Own life , I was seeing other people .I was independent . He had a WTF have I done. Dumped OW before contacting me .This isn't easy but doable we saw MC for a year .We are still a work in progress . I can survive and thrive alone and he knows it . A friend once told me that the majority of WS's will ask to come home at some point . At that point will you want that person back ? Will pride stop you .Do you no longer love that person. Can you work towards trusting that person again ?Can you work towards forgiving the damage done . Are you happier alone ?

[This message edited by gonogo1 at 6:56 AM, August 27th (Tuesday)]

homewrecked2011 posted 8/27/2013 07:23 AM

I cried, begged, all of it. When I got the book Love Must Be Tough I realized I was doing the wrong thing. Within 2 chapters I was out of my own fog and showing all the confidence I could. WH mentioned to 2 people how much I had changed (at that point he started to think maybe it WAS him that was messed up because I looked great, had confidence kept the yard nice when he picked up kids, etc).

WH said he was thinking about coming back, but by then I told him only with marriage counseling. It was too much for him to bother with so he was gone.

THe book Love Must Be Tough is by Dr james dobson, whom you would think would say to be kind, patient, loving, etc. He actually says NO NO NO to those. He said there is a time for that LATER, but for now you have to appear (and become) confident of how good of a catch YOU really are.

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sisoon posted 10/13/2013 15:48 PM

Mod please

post above mine looks fishy

lostcovenants posted 10/13/2013 19:47 PM

A little fishy? Ya think? Haha! Nice to have a laugh in amongst all the grief. My WS is still here but can't decide if he wants to stay married because, wait for it, he said ILYBINILWY. Much more of this and I'm afraid the feeling will be mutual.....

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