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General :
WS staying out all night

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 SoOver96 (original poster member #40169) posted at 3:36 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013

Any of you have the same problem and if so how many is enough I thought we were in R but now I'm not so sure. I've been on here before but lost my information but he's going back to his old routine

posts: 171   ·   registered: Aug. 3rd, 2013   ·   location: Illinois
id 6463315
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movingforward13 ( member #38405) posted at 5:08 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013

Kick him out? Change the locks?

Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

posts: 683   ·   registered: Feb. 9th, 2013   ·   location: DC
id 6463431
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SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 5:35 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013

If FWH stayed out all night one night we would be done, done, done!

BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

posts: 15429   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2010   ·   location: The Great White North USA
id 6463463
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Morhurt ( member #40166) posted at 5:48 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013

Yup, one night out all night would be too many for me. But my H knows that very well so him doing it would hold a lot if meaning.

I'm sorry for what you're going through.

Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

posts: 1127   ·   registered: Aug. 3rd, 2013   ·   location: Canada
id 6463479
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GabyBaby ( member #26928) posted at 6:06 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013

During the last period when XWH and I were "reconciling", he stayed out all night after going to a party for a coworker who was retiring.

He had my OK to go to the party, but he was supposed to be home by 10ish.

The next morning, he comes traipsing into the house around 6am. He claims he slept in his car (in the parking lot of the building where the party had been held) because he was too drunk to drive. There were three very obvious problems with that statement:

1. He never bothered to call or pick up his phone - all night.

2. If his car had been in that lot all night it would have been towed (there are signs posted).

3. His clothing was way too "fresh" looking for having been been slept in all night. Were that story true, he should have been wrinkled and disheveled and he was not.

Me - late 40s
DD(27), DS(24, PDD-NOS)

WH#2 (SorryinSac)- Killed himself (May 2015) in our home 6 days after being served divorce docs.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).

I edit often for clarity/typos.

posts: 10094   ·   registered: Dec. 26th, 2009   ·   location: Here and There
id 6463497
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confused615 ( member #30826) posted at 6:31 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013

Unless it was planned ahead of time..a hunting trip..fishing with DS..or he's working...if he stays out all night he better be in jail,the hospital, or dead.

He sure as shit wouldn't come walking through the door the next morning and continue on as if everything was peachy.

Edited..because my typing sucks.

[This message edited by confused615 at 12:50 PM, August 26th (Monday)]

BS(me)44
FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10



..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


posts: 15220   ·   registered: Jan. 15th, 2011
id 6463542
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 SoOver96 (original poster member #40169) posted at 6:47 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013

It was planned but he was supposed to be home by 9 last night one he doesn't have a car helped a friend move which he lives almost two hours away to a town thats 45 min away. Two he called into work said he'd be late their brilliant idea was to tell him don't come in WTF he told them he's late cause he couldn't find the keys it pays to have friends that work with the WS they don't sugar coat nothing. 3rd his clothes always look wrinkled cause we have to go to the laundry mat once a week cause our dryer broke. 4 he called work and not me? I have an 11 year old that wakes up in the morning wondering where dads at our oldest two even though they say thee used to it I know damn well they are not so I'll have to cut some of our cost down considerable because I'm on disability and can't afford luxuries if he's not going to be here. I love him but I'm so tired of this

posts: 171   ·   registered: Aug. 3rd, 2013   ·   location: Illinois
id 6463569
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confused615 ( member #30826) posted at 6:52 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013

..so how long are you going to tolerate this?

If he does this so often that the kids are used to it...that's bad.

(((((SoOver96)))))

BS(me)44
FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10



..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


posts: 15220   ·   registered: Jan. 15th, 2011
id 6463582
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 SoOver96 (original poster member #40169) posted at 7:49 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013

He's only done this twice since his last affair ugh I hate that word I've been faithful loyal been with him when his grandma died his uncle dieing his mom going Batty Prison terms when is it my turn to have the man I adore and love so much want to be with me what did I do wrong?

posts: 171   ·   registered: Aug. 3rd, 2013   ·   location: Illinois
id 6463678
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 8:51 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013

I would be done too if mine stayed out all night.

fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024

posts: 9074   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 6463747
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Fire96 ( member #34131) posted at 8:55 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013

What I would do.

1)Take all of his clothes and throw them out in the yard.

2) Change the locks to all of the doors.

3) Turn off all of the phone ringers.

4) Find a copy of your marriage license, and nail it to the front door with a big X XX across it.

I never go over-board, do I?

Me, BS-57
WW-52
DD, 1/9/2011
Filed for divorce 6/14
Divorce final 7/2015
Free at last, Free at last, Thank God Almighty I'm free at last!

posts: 243   ·   registered: Dec. 7th, 2011   ·   location: United States
id 6463753
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lynnm1947 ( member #15300) posted at 8:59 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013

When my XS/O stayed out all night for the first time, he arrived home next night to find my bedroom door locked. A few weeks later I was gone, gone, gone. But that was after years of philandering.

Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks

posts: 8765   ·   registered: Jul. 11th, 2007   ·   location: Toronto, Canada
id 6463756
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Chrysalis123 ( member #27148) posted at 9:19 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013

He's only done this twice since his last affair

Question: How do you think your "ability to put up with bad behavior " meter is working?

Do you think it is:

A. Just right

B. Too unforgiving

C. Too permissive

Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver

Just for the record darling, not all positive changes feel positive in the beginning -S C Lourie

posts: 6709   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2010
id 6463789
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