I was thinking about when we tell my youngest, almost 11 YO DD. She is a smart cookie who tells it like it is. I can see me explaining - WH (he is her stepdad) has lied to me our entire relationship, he had an affair, I tired for a year to heal and he was still lying. I can TOTALLY see her just asking him point blank - "Why didn't you just stop?". It really is that simple isn't it? We don't need books and articles. We need honesty. I am saying this as a fWW and a BW. Had I been honest, with myself and my SAEXW/BH, I wouldn't have cheated. If my WH had been honest with me, we wouldn't be here, trying to sort out life after his affair. If my WH had been honest, I wouldn't be sitting here at almost a year finding out more lies STILL. Honesty. It really is that simple isn't it?
HONESTY
(((All of us)))
I told my WS when OW invited him over our FOUR year old would have known it was wrong!!!! He was a complete idiot who couldn't see how wrong he was until it was too late! UGH!!! I tell him what hurts the most was that he COULD have walked away - could have just stopped!!!! No one had a gun to his head, it is just that simple!!!!!
Finally this is R 8/14/13
"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".
T
Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!
As adults, our lives become more and more difficult by default. But the truth is, we make our lives way more difficult than they have to be. We do stupid things that further complicate our lives; then, even when there's a simple fix (i.e. honesty), we lie and deceive and play games.
It's sad that it takes a child to see the simplicity of a relationship that is well beyond their years.
married 2y, together 2.5y 1 beautiful daughter, 23m
"Someday soon, I'm going to put my life together; Win or lose, I'm starting over again."
It is that simple and I too understand it from both sides of the fence.
My question is "Why did it ever start?????"
Because they were not honest - with themselves first, then with us. Seriously - that's all it boils down to. So sad that it is that simple. I will be divorced again because of this simplicity being missing. Weather he gets it or not now or in the future - I am just too exhausted to keep trying. I have no more fight.
People think if they have a feeling they have to act on it. It really is as simple as saying no, and going home to your family.
Having the impulse to cheat is already one huge problem. Acting on it takes it to a destructive level.
My WHs refusal to walk away has taught me a lot not only about him, but about following my head rather than my heart in different areas of my life as well.
