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sodamnlost posted 8/26/2013 11:59 AM

Sorry for the multiple posts - having a bad day clearly. Going on a year of this nightmare. So much time spent learning. For what? If we boil it all down - all it takes is one simple thing.

I was thinking about when we tell my youngest, almost 11 YO DD. She is a smart cookie who tells it like it is. I can see me explaining - WH (he is her stepdad) has lied to me our entire relationship, he had an affair, I tired for a year to heal and he was still lying. I can TOTALLY see her just asking him point blank - "Why didn't you just stop?". It really is that simple isn't it? We don't need books and articles. We need honesty. I am saying this as a fWW and a BW. Had I been honest, with myself and my SAEXW/BH, I wouldn't have cheated. If my WH had been honest with me, we wouldn't be here, trying to sort out life after his affair. If my WH had been honest, I wouldn't be sitting here at almost a year finding out more lies STILL. Honesty. It really is that simple isn't it?

AFrayedKnot posted 8/26/2013 12:09 PM

It really is just that simple!!!

HONESTY

(((All of us)))

PrincessPeach06 posted 8/26/2013 12:13 PM

Yes!!!!!!

I told my WS when OW invited him over our FOUR year old would have known it was wrong!!!! He was a complete idiot who couldn't see how wrong he was until it was too late! UGH!!! I tell him what hurts the most was that he COULD have walked away - could have just stopped!!!! No one had a gun to his head, it is just that simple!!!!!

TxsT posted 8/26/2013 12:15 PM

My question is "Why did it ever start?????"

T

krazy8516 posted 8/26/2013 12:23 PM

I think this is where that saying comes in, "So simple, only a child can do it."

As adults, our lives become more and more difficult by default. But the truth is, we make our lives way more difficult than they have to be. We do stupid things that further complicate our lives; then, even when there's a simple fix (i.e. honesty), we lie and deceive and play games.

It's sad that it takes a child to see the simplicity of a relationship that is well beyond their years.

crazyblindsided posted 8/26/2013 12:58 PM

(((sodamnlost)))

It is that simple and I too understand it from both sides of the fence.

sodamnlost posted 8/26/2013 13:04 PM

My question is "Why did it ever start?????"

Because they were not honest - with themselves first, then with us. Seriously - that's all it boils down to. So sad that it is that simple. I will be divorced again because of this simplicity being missing. Weather he gets it or not now or in the future - I am just too exhausted to keep trying. I have no more fight.

Spelljean posted 8/26/2013 16:31 PM

Exactly that simple. Integrity is a choice not a feeling.

People think if they have a feeling they have to act on it. It really is as simple as saying no, and going home to your family.

Having the impulse to cheat is already one huge problem. Acting on it takes it to a destructive level.

My WHs refusal to walk away has taught me a lot not only about him, but about following my head rather than my heart in different areas of my life as well.