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sodamnlost (original poster member #37190) posted at 5:59 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013
Sorry for the multiple posts - having a bad day clearly. Going on a year of this nightmare. So much time spent learning. For what? If we boil it all down - all it takes is one simple thing.
I was thinking about when we tell my youngest, almost 11 YO DD. She is a smart cookie who tells it like it is. I can see me explaining - WH (he is her stepdad) has lied to me our entire relationship, he had an affair, I tired for a year to heal and he was still lying. I can TOTALLY see her just asking him point blank - "Why didn't you just stop?". It really is that simple isn't it? We don't need books and articles. We need honesty. I am saying this as a fWW and a BW. Had I been honest, with myself and my SAEXW/BH, I wouldn't have cheated. If my WH had been honest with me, we wouldn't be here, trying to sort out life after his affair. If my WH had been honest, I wouldn't be sitting here at almost a year finding out more lies STILL. Honesty. It really is that simple isn't it?
Me - BS original Dday 10-2012, separated June 2014, divorce Fall 2016
Grief, loss and pain taunt her - "you will never be the same." Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, she rises and spreads her new wings as she brushes off the ashes an
AFrayedKnot ( member #36622) posted at 6:09 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013
It really is just that simple!!!
HONESTY
(((All of us)))
BS 48fWS 44 (SurprisinglyOkay)DsD DSA whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better."Knowing is half the battle"
PrincessPeach06 ( member #39588) posted at 6:13 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013
Yes!!!!!!
I told my WS when OW invited him over our FOUR year old would have known it was wrong!!!! He was a complete idiot who couldn't see how wrong he was until it was too late! UGH!!! I tell him what hurts the most was that he COULD have walked away - could have just stopped!!!! No one had a gun to his head, it is just that simple!!!!!
Me (BS): 36
Him aka narcissistic psychopath (WS): 36
Married 17 years 6 kids ages 16-7
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013
Finally this is R 8/14/13
Filed for divorce 5/8/15
TxsT ( member #39996) posted at 6:15 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013
My question is "Why did it ever start?????"
T
Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)
Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!
krazy8516 ( member #40076) posted at 6:23 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013
I think this is where that saying comes in, "So simple, only a child can do it."
As adults, our lives become more and more difficult by default. But the truth is, we make our lives way more difficult than they have to be. We do stupid things that further complicate our lives; then, even when there's a simple fix (i.e. honesty), we lie and deceive and play games.
It's sad that it takes a child to see the simplicity of a relationship that is well beyond their years. 
me: BW, 30
him: WH, 25
us: edging closer to R every day
married 2y, together 2.5y
1 beautiful daughter, 23m
"Someday soon, I'm going to put my life together; Win or lose, I'm starting over again."
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 6:58 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013
(((sodamnlost)))
It is that simple and I too understand it from both sides of the fence. 
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024
sodamnlost (original poster member #37190) posted at 7:04 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013
My question is "Why did it ever start?????"
Because they were not honest - with themselves first, then with us. Seriously - that's all it boils down to. So sad that it is that simple. I will be divorced again because of this simplicity being missing. Weather he gets it or not now or in the future - I am just too exhausted to keep trying. I have no more fight.
Me - BS original Dday 10-2012, separated June 2014, divorce Fall 2016
Grief, loss and pain taunt her - "you will never be the same." Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, she rises and spreads her new wings as she brushes off the ashes an
Spelljean ( member #35624) posted at 10:31 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013
Exactly that simple. Integrity is a choice not a feeling.
People think if they have a feeling they have to act on it. It really is as simple as saying no, and going home to your family.
Having the impulse to cheat is already one huge problem. Acting on it takes it to a destructive level.
My WHs refusal to walk away has taught me a lot not only about him, but about following my head rather than my heart in different areas of my life as well.
WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated
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