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Newest Member: MistersMommy (46014)

User Topic: Giving too much & Reciprocation
IGaveItMyAll
♂ 38622
Member # 38622
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So last night my W and I had some crazy conversations. One conversation I brought up was that I feel like I am giving more in our relationship than she it. I told her I felt the balance in our relationship if off. I mentioned I don't get the feeling like she has the "Oh man I am so in love with you" feelings toward me. She agreed that she doesn't really get like that. But it was something that hadn't existed in our M since the beginning. Maybe a lot of not being present and me being gone all the time. But we talked and I told her I want that in our marriage. I feel that way about her. Sometimes I feel I give too much because of that. I want it reciprocated. She said she will dig deeper to see why she has a wall up on that.

Should try less to meet her emotional needs? Should I not be so available? How do you trigger that feeling again in someone?... I don't know.. Kind of lost on this one. She said she will work on why she doesn't get like that and see if she can find those feelings again. Anyone else deal with this in your marriage?


ME-BS 34
FWW-28
M 6 Yrs
DDAY- 8/20/12
R

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2013
TxsT
♀ 39996
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We dealt with this big time. I, as the BS, had to come clean with the fact that several of my H's old behaviors made me feel like he was selfish. It was the hardest thing for me to do really because I had repressed those feelings for almost 30 years. Having been taught to be the "good wife" by both my mother and mother in law, I had never learned to open up and express what was making me unhappy. In doing so I became just like your wife. My resentment was so deep I couldn't even see it as resentment until the A was revield and our MC/IC helped us dig out the bad parts of our marriage.

Now I know not to repress even the smallest of things. We talk about EVERYTHING. Disolusionment, resentment and internalizing the small stuff is how we got to where we were. Had my hubby known half of the stuff that turly, deeply bothered me he would have been happy to change some of it. Oh how silly we were to keep things stuck unresolved.

Now I can honestly say my passion and love of my husband has been renewed with a vengance....and all because I was finally released from the grip of holding it all in for the better good.

Thankfully my husband does not have the job he did have now. The one that required him to be away from me and the family weeks on end, month after month, year after year. My advise to you is make her feel special, feel that she is worth more then the job. Can you invite her along on a trip or two? Show her you really want to be with her.

T


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
IGaveItMyAll
♂ 38622
Member # 38622
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I changed a lot. I only travel on 2 business trips a year one for 3 days and the other for a week. The week trip my company hired my W to go with and pays her to help out. That was awesome. I changed my hobbies that took me away from my fam. I arrange weekly date nights and we talk about everything. She admitted she still is working on letting her guard down and she wasn't aware she had a wall up on this but told me she will work on it. I look forward to that. So I should continue to keep doing what I am doing?


ME-BS 34
FWW-28
M 6 Yrs
DDAY- 8/20/12
R

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2013
Topic Posts: 3

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