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ninebark posted 8/26/2013 12:28 PM

I am so angry today. I know I have things pretty good, ex pays cs and we have a pretty good relationship, no fighting.

But man I got angry at him. He just got back in town (he works out of province three weeks out of the month). He has the opportunity to see DS on Saturday. So I call him and tell him that DS wants to see his instructor take his black belt test and I will call him when we are free. He says fine.

So 3pm the test is over I meet Ex with DS, tell him DS is quite hungry as we woke up late, didn't have lunch..etc. I tell him I have a few errands to run but just call when you need me to be home.

Well not even 2 1/2 hours I get a call making sure I am home as he is bringing DS home!!
He hasn't seen him in three weeks and all he can spare is 2 1/2 hours??!! What makes it worse is that he took him to his parents house. I asked DS if dad did anything with him and he replyed "not really"

He certainly had enough time to go out and buy his new jeep. Must be nice to have money to get a new car.

He shows up to DS' play off game (baseball) and act like the good father, look how he is there supporting his son

He spent the whole time disparaging the coach about playing favorites and why DS is not playing short stop, he is outfield..blah blah. I had to remind him it is playoffs and they need to put the kids where they will be strongest and DS is a fast runner, they need him out in the field. He never thought of that of course. I just wanted to strangle him, I am the team manager so I have lots of discussions with the coach about the kids and how he is going to run the playoffs. There are lots of factors to take into consideration.

He has made no offers to see DS and only makes mention of the championship game on friday.

Guess what buddy, DS is availalbe all week after paddling, perhaps you could spend some quality time with him! You are so lucky that DS loves you so much and thinks you are a good dad, one day he is going to look back and realize that you were never really there.....oh and spending all that quality time on the ballfield watching DS play should not include continual texting..look up!!!!

Okay vent done....I need a martini

Housefulloflove posted 8/26/2013 14:14 PM

Ugh...sounds like he is only interested in LOOKING like a caring father.

I'm dealing with the same and it sucks. They think they are fooling people but kids know when a person wants to spend time with them and when they are just putting on a show when there is someone else watching.

My kids hate being with their father alone because it's like he shuts off and turns into a cardboard cut-out unless they are in public and suddenly he reanimates.

whatdoto posted 8/26/2013 14:21 PM

((ninebark))

STBXH and I are separated in-house. WH rarely, if at all, spends any time with DS. DS and I stay in the house piddling and having fun. WH is outside drinking like theres no tomorrow. Last night he was suppose to take some meat out to grill, but instead, his boss shows up and they started drinking (WH has already been drinking) and they go 4-wheeler riding. WH runs into a tree (surprise!) 2-1/2 hrs. later, no meat defrosted. He walks in at 8pm drunk off his butt. 8:30 he's in bed. DS and I eat alone, again.

I so feel for you. It sucks for the boys. DS told me last weekend "Mom, I just don't know what to say to dad". DS has voiced his concerns to WH about the drinking. WH doesn't see it as a problem. Lather.Rinse.Repeat

I can't get this divorce over fast enough!

Hugs

ninebark posted 8/27/2013 06:26 AM

It is frustrating.

I understand that his father is in the hospital getting back surgery some time this week and he is planning to be home to help out. HOwever, his father wasn't in the hospital that day.

I threw him another opportunity today and told him that DS is in the last week of his paddling adn they aren't doing very much so if he wants to take him for a full day that would be okay. He said, he was free all next week. I had to remind him (because clearly he is stupid and doesn't pay attention to anything that does not pertain to him) that school starts next week!! ugh.

I guess one day DS will have his eyes opened on his own and he will realize that his dad is a self absorbed jerk.

SBB posted 8/27/2013 06:45 AM

I know you're doing this for your son but you really do need to stop trying to make him a good father.

It is no longer your job - it never should have been.

You are just setting you (and your DS) up for disappointment and you will make yourself crazy trying.

I know exactly WHY you're doing it - I did it too and it got me nowhere but upset and frustrated and stuck in the cycle of angry. I've stopped wasting energy in that direction and I'm pouring it into my girls.

We have such a short time of being their whole world - it makes me so sad and mad to see someone squander this magical opportunity.

((ninebark and DS))

ninebark posted 8/27/2013 08:21 AM

Amen StrongButBroken

I think it is because I lost my father to cancer last year that I know how imporant a relationship with your father is. I want DS to have that...but as you say, we can't make them good fathers.

It makes me angry and sad all at the same time.