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My BW reads Slate.com's 'Dear Prudie' column regularly and shared a reply about infidelity today that totally hacked me off. Rather than unduly influence you good people here, I'll just supply the link and we can have a good old chat about it. Maybe Slate will suddenly find a whole bunch of knowledgeable commenters sharing their practical experience in the near future.

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2013/08/help_my_husband_doesn_t_want_me_to_expose_his_affair_but_i_think_i_should.html#comments

Wow. Yep, very disappointed in her advice. Also that the STD must be a preexisting condition in their marriage - seriously?! How do they know that either the unfaithful husband or his affair partner didn't have more than one extramarital partner?! I know I'm preaching to the choir here... That's just irresponsible. This could cost this man his health, as well as his right to know about his own life. And yeah - the abuse story could well be false and the husband trying to "protect" his AP. Very disappointed, Prudie.

Just read her advice as well. Missed the mark entirely on all aspects.

Ugh-- read the comments. They are all going on and on about how the BW should not tell the BH because he might "abuse" the WW (or even beat up the BW!). How many of us heard that lie? I personally heard that the AP's husband was "verbally abusive."

Also, they are putting down the online support group for taking this stance. It must be so nice to comment on a message board about things you have no experience with, yet you still think that you are some sort of authority.

[This message edited by tryingagain74 at 4:46 PM, August 26th (Monday)]

warning* facetious post ahead

yeap, she sucks and the commenters suck as well for the most part

tryingagain- I saw that too, talking about staying away from the online group

would they give the same advice for other online support groups?!

**glib asshole commences**

and yeah, the support of the poor, abused, CHEATING whore, what about the whore? who will think of the whore? that poor whore might have a possibly abusive husband who may possibly abuse her if he finds out...

think of the whore, you guys!!!

that betrayed wife is just selfish with her truth telling and her pain
****

what a load of wayward mentality....

If you read her long enough and read between the lines, it's pretty obvious she was an OW at least once in her life. References to her daddy issues, relationships with older men, defense of OWs and how affairs are only the responsibilities of the married people......etc etc.

I don't post much these days but I read Dear Prudie and came to see if anyone was talking about her column today.
I really think SI is the online support group referred to. I know this sounds weird, but a year or so ago, I read a Dear Prudie column and the circumstances of two of the letters that were in the same column seemed familiar. And then I remembered that I had seen BOTH situations posted on SI just a few days earlier. Some of the details were nearly identical. It's totally possible that both of those posters read Dear Prudie and decided to ask her, of course, but I remember wondering at the time if she/her staff were trolling SI for "letters" for her column.

[This message edited by sadsadie at 6:03 PM, August 26th (Monday)]

But you don't know these people and you don't owe them anything.

Dear Prudie,

I take HUGE issue with the advice you gave to a woman about not exposing her H's A to the other BS.

If that man's wife is cheating on him with this woman's H, who knows what else or who else he is f***ing?! If this woman's H contracted an STI from his affair partner, that could have been a pre-existing condition in the marriage. OR, it could mean that the WW has been wayward with more than one person, got the STI elsewhere, and brought it into the marriage without the BS knowing about it.

The online support community was correct in that continuing to keep the A a secret only makes the BW an active participant in the lies to another person. In the interest of the other person's health and life, she needs to do the right thing and expose the affair.

If the WW's H is truly an abusive person, she should not have risked him finding out by having an affair in the first place. She needs to devolop a support network and leave. And, who is to know if that WW is even telling the truth? You would be amazed how many cheating partners accuse their BS of being abusive to scare their AP's into not telling so that they can get away with it. This is a woman whom we already know is not being honest with her husband, so we can't trust that she was honest about being abused at home either.

"You don't know them so you don't owe them anything" is the most ludicrous advice I have ever seen from a so-called "expert." I don't know you, do I get to just walk up to you and smack you in the face with a crowbar? No, because there is such a thing as basic human respect- even for strangers whom we don't know.

Let's sort out the public health aspect first. If your husband contracted an STD from his lover, then that's a pre-existing condition in her marriage, and you don't need to inform her spouse.

This is folly. Maybe the husband doesn't know he has it. There is an STD which women can die from that men might not even have a symptom. What a stupid assumption.

you don't know these people and you don't owe them anything

Wow. What an unsympathetic, uncaring, rug-sweeping reply.

I knew I could count on you all to get it.

Seriously, this SI community is the best thing that ever came out of the horrible thing that is infidelity.

I lost FULL respect for this so called advise giver.

I came here to see if anyone was talking about this too - and I don't post much anymore. I read Dear Prudie, and I have to agree with the poster who said she was probably an OW at some point. Super disappointed.