I did. I found the text and told him that we should tell each other uncomfortable things, that after I did what I did, we can't afford not to be truthful with each other.
That night I cried and slept on the couch, he came down and wrapped me in his arms and begged me to come to bed, telling me nothing was going on...
He came home that night and told me that he had taken her number out of his phone (natch, he just changed her name to Dennis) but I had done research all day long, found out who she was, and found out how to read deleted texts on a Blackberry.... and confronted him that night.
what a coward. Sorry, just angry I guess....
me (WW/BS): 48
4 kiddos in mid 20's
“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”
I gave him chance after chance, but in the end, I discovered EVERY SINGLE THING, and people wonder why I have anger at him? Yeah, the memory of my dead bishop is almost ruined because he claimed that a house right IN my old Bishop's neighborhood was the house where he screwed her. Come to find out, it wasn't near it at all and he just wanted to drive us around because he was terrified I was going to get out of the car and set her house on fire. Nope, I was just curious as to where the sexcapades took place.
I wanted to know A LOT of things that I mentally, physically and emotionally prepared myself for and to listen to, calmed myself down many a-time to make sure that he didn't feel threatened telling me the truth, and YEP! He still lied to me.
He regrets it now, but screw it all if he can change that either. It was bad enough WH screwed her and carried on an EA, then he had to continue lying about it, and in so destructive of a fashion?
He spilled everything.
The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.”
― Ernest Hemingway
Former 80s Icon wishful thinking
The conversation that got the confession was right after she freaked out during sex play:
me: Is there something I should know?
her (after what seemed like a long delay): I don't know.
me: What does that mean for us?
her: ...I've been having sex with....
Of course, she might not have been lying when she denied an A, because in her mind at that time, it wasn't a common A, it was something much bigger and much more important that anything as sordid as an A.... (note to self: add this to 'dumb things WSes think and say')
Also, that's the only time I ever said anything soap-opera-ish! I swear! Well, I hope....
months later when I asked him about this response at the time he explained that he wanted me to "be able to relax around the pool".
She said "well,, that sounds like a personal problem" and totally blew me off.
Eight months post d-day she used that phrase with me again about something unrelated. And. She. Will. Never. Use. That. Phrase. Again. Or she won't live to tell about it anyway!