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Cheated on while dating

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ctrenholm posted 8/26/2013 16:32 PM

I just found out that my husband cheated on me about four months into dating him. We had a little bit of a different kind of relationship when we first started dating. I went to high school with him and we were really good friends but I was never interested in him in that way. We lost touch after high school and then I found him on Facebook in 2010. We started talking on the phone every day and texting. At the time I was on the west coast for business. (We live in MD) We started getting closer and closer and he told me he wanted to be with me. I originally said it might be easier to start a relationship once I was home in about 6 months. He said it would be fine and we could work on being in a long distance relationship. Six months went by and I finally get home and the minute I saw him I fell even more in love. We got engaged two months later and married in December 2012. Well I just found out from one of his friends that he was messing around with this girl about two or three months into our relationship. The girl confirmed it and so did he since he knew he was caught. He said he was sorry and never told me because he knew I would leave him. They slept together twice. I just dont know what to think. I know it is different being away and not physically in a relationship and he said he had a moment of weakness but has never cheated on me again and never will. Once we were actually physically together the relationship dynamics changed of course since we could actually see and touch each other. Is this something that you think is forgivable or would it be a deal breaker?

Skan posted 8/26/2013 17:22 PM

Hey there. I'm glad that you found us for some support while you're trying to process this.

Bluntly, its a matter of what YOU think about this revelation. Can you get over it? Of course you can. Is it a deal breaker? Well, for you it may be. Some people can reconcile with multiple, year's long infidelities. For some person, a single kiss is a deal breaker. There's no right or wrong answer, just what works or doesn't work for you.

Me personally? I'd be inclined to work through it given my history with long-distance relationships. But I do mean "work" through it. Get to the bottom of why he thought it would be OK when you two had something going on and haul all of that stuff into the light of the day to examine it. Otherwise, you really can't say that it will never happen again. (((hugs)))

catlover50 posted 8/26/2013 17:22 PM

Personally if you weren't already married I may think twice, but there are enough extenuating circumstances that it does not necessarily mean that he has a problem. I would think it is still painful for you, however, and that you may both benefit from some marriage counseling.

Good luck.

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