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newlysingle posted 8/26/2013 19:12 PM

So dd did her first overnight on Saturday with the Gnat and Hello Kitty. So far dd has said little to nothing about Hello Kitty....until this morning.

These are the various things I had to hear:

-Hello Kitty is soooooooo nice mommy. You should meet her.

-Hello Kitty and daddy are married. (I did correct her on this one and said that they were NOT married).

-Hello Kitty is so much fun.

-Can Hello Kitty pick me up from school today?

Then the icing on the cake came this afternoon.

-Hello Kitty is like my mom. When we go out with her, people thinks she's my mom. (I also cleared this up by stating that I was her mother and that Hello Kitty is not).

The crazy thing is that they didn't even do much with her. I thought they would buy her all kinds of crap, take her to fun places, etc. I asked her what they did and she stated that they sat around the house all day and that she was soooooooo bored until they went to a store to get ds a stroller.

She has been asking me repeatedly how many days until she gets to go back and how long she gets to stay there.

I know it's a good thing that she likes going there and that Hello Kitty appears to be kind to them. Man, does it cut like a knife to hear that stuff though. I know dd is only 5 and doesn't understand what this bitch did to our family. I had to talk to her and say that while I was happy that she was getting some time with her dad at his house, that this was her home and I am her mother. That she will live with me most of the time and will also see them from time to time.

How did the rest of you get through this?

[This message edited by newlysingle at 7:13 PM, August 26th (Monday)]

nowiknow23 posted 8/26/2013 19:15 PM

(((((newlysingle)))))

tryingagain74 posted 8/26/2013 19:36 PM

(((newlysingle)))

I have the advantage of having older children who are more discerning about things. My DD is the same age and the same way-- she'll usually say nice things or not really say much at all. My boys, however... they're very honest with me, and although they're not totally unhappy when they're with XWH and the Owife, they always let me know how happy they are to come back to me and will tell me about the annoying things that happen over there.

So just remember who the messenger is-- your really little DD. She's going to be easily swayed by nice things that are said to her or are done for her. My kids' IC said that a child at that age doesn't really get it, but as she gets older, you'll likely hear the opposite: "Mom, do I HAVE to go visit Dad and Hello Kitty? I just want to stay here!"

It's up to our dear friend, Time, I'm afraid, to help us get better and move through the pain. Take it day by day, and take care of yourself. Remember that Hello Kitty will never replace you; you will always be your DD's one and only mama.

Nature_Girl posted 8/26/2013 19:37 PM

OMG, that would kill me. I'm so sorry.

Kajem posted 8/26/2013 19:48 PM

((((((Newlysingle))))))

hangingontohope7 posted 8/26/2013 20:29 PM

(((((newlysingle)))))

I don't have much advice to offer. I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.

My kids, who are right around your DD's age, just recently met OW. The first time they met her, I had to hear that she was "nice." It hurt. Plain and simple. But, at the same time there was a small sense of relief that she wasn't mean to them.

They just spent time with her again but didn't really elaborate. They just told me she was there and that STBXWH spent most of their visit talking to OW. I don't really ask questions about her. I leave it to them to volunteer whatever information that they want to share.

Its a tough lesson to learn that there are just some things we simply don't have control over. Hang in there.

Cookie7088 posted 8/26/2013 21:08 PM

Let's put this in perspective now...

When you took a crap for the first time in the potty...

Everyone was excited, probably even clapped, whahooo...

After a while.....it was just another shit!!

Well, think about it...same thing....it's new, but it's still just shit after all!

ExposedNiblet posted 8/26/2013 21:17 PM

Let's put this in perspective now...
When you took a crap for the first time in the potty...

Everyone was excited, probably even clapped, whahooo...

After a while.....it was just another shit!!

Well, think about it...same thing....it's new, but it's still just shit after all!

This is gold. 100% Platinum Gold. Love it.

((((newlysingle))))

newlysingle posted 8/26/2013 21:20 PM

Ha, ha Cookie! Thanks for making me laugh. I just got off the phone with my sister and she basically said the same. That OW was still shiny and new and that her appeal would wear off. Especially when dd realizes that she is stealing valuable time from her and her dad or when she might have to discipline her.

I guess I'll just have to sit back and wait while biting my tongue.

sleepless34 posted 8/26/2013 21:25 PM

Oh, I am sorry. That really sucks. I feel for you. That would really kill me too. Someday she will know, but for now Hello Kitty is just some lady who was kissing her ass.

Just pretend you are an award winning actress, you star in the movie version of "Gone Girl." You have grace and charm and you are better than those discusting people and always will be.

Be strong!

Nature_Girl posted 8/26/2013 21:34 PM

Cookie, you are fabulous!

newlysingle posted 8/27/2013 01:44 AM

Oh, I did get one additional gem from DD tonight at bedtime. Although, this one was funny.

I guess Hello Kitty let DD play games on her phone. The only thing is that she kept herself signed into the app store while she let DD play. Rookie move on her part (she doesn't have kids), DD downloaded some games at her expense. DD told me that she felt bad because it was about $1,000 worth of games. Well, I doubt that as DD is only 5 and has no concept of dollar value yet, but still funny.

SBB posted 8/27/2013 05:44 AM

Oh honey. Ouch.

And Haha Ouch! to Hello Kitty!!

But the shit analogy is so true (and apt!).

My girls who are 5.5 and 3 haven't said that kind of stuff. Don't put it past X to have planted those seeds.

Miss 5 has asked me if I know/like OWUmpteen. I said that I did know her and no I don't like her. When she asked why I told her the same reason I don't like chocolate ice-cream. I just don't. She hasn't raised it again.

They talk about her, I say "that's nice" and keep the discussion on the topic of them and their day. As you would know to a 5 year old the world revolves around them so its pretty easy to distract her by talking about her.


Its been few months now and OWUmpteen is just another shit in the bowl. Miss 5 doesn't like it that she is around all the time ("I don't get special daddy time like I get special mummy time with you - [Wh]aura's ALWAYS there. I like it that its just us") and Miss 3 tells me she doesn't like being left in the car with her when he drops Miss 5 off to school.

In all cases I hear them out, talk about how it makes them feel and encourage them to share their feelings with their dad.

They pick up on our tension so its really important to try not to let this stuff get to you (they can tell) lest she learns that it is a touchy point and stops talking to you about things. Try not to be defensive - she doesn't understand what this does to you.

Hello Kitty will have a rough time keeping up the act and she will fall off her perch like the ungraceful Slutty Chicken that she is.

Focus on the positive - it is good that DD likes her. It is good that HK is not unkind to her.

None of it is awesome so good enough has to be good enough.

((newlysingle))

Bluebird26 posted 8/27/2013 05:54 AM

@ Cookie

I was just going to say just think of Hello Kitty as a new barbie doll. Pretty soon she will undergo a makeover and she'll have her long pretty hair hacked off, and make up like Mimi from The Drew Carey Show and then she will kicked under the bed and forgotten about.

((newlysingle))

You are her mom don't forget that :)

Gr8Lady posted 8/27/2013 12:24 PM

Cookie's Shit analogy sums it up perfectly.
I recognize your pain 100 percent. I have some years on you, and my close friend of 40 yrs once shared that as a product of divorce, her mother did it all, yet her Dad could show up with a bag of chips and he was a hero. Your daughter wants things to be better. Trust me take the high road and true colors will prevail. You don't have to point them out, your daughter will get there on her own. Your gracious attitude will speak volumes.
I am not trying to diminish your aggravation in any way. You have every right to feel as you do. Please know that I just found my friends comment was most profound. As she matured she saw her dad for what he was.
Hugs...

painpaingoaway posted 8/27/2013 12:46 PM

Oh God, that would absolutely kill me. ((((Newlysingle)))).

But this is priceless:

Let's put this in perspective now...
When you took a crap for the first time in the potty...

Everyone was excited, probably even clapped, whahooo...

After a while.....it was just another shit!!

Well, think about it...same thing....it's new, but it's still just shit after all!

Love the names Gnat and Hello Kitty. Do tell how you decided on those names!

newlysingle posted 8/27/2013 14:14 PM

I love the new Barbie analogy too.

The name Gnat came because I was telling my mom that STBX is like a gnat that I keep swatting away from my face, but it just keeps coming back. It even flies up your nose on occasion.

Hello Kitty came about because she wore a HK shirt the first time she met my DD. A very obvious and lame attempt to get DD to like her. What adult wears HK clothing?

The Gnat claims that she is 33, but I'm doubting that. She seems very juvenile to me. I'm guessing she's much younger than that. I haven't met her though.

meaniemouse posted 8/27/2013 14:32 PM

newlysingle--I am so sorry this has happened to you and can SO relate to how it makes you feel. There's isn't anything we wouldn't do for our kids and no one will ever love them like we do so it's soul-sucking to hear this kind of stuff from your precious little girl.

As others have so rightly said--she's new and sparkly. Five-year-olds love the sparkly. However their attention span is very short. Plus--you said it was the first overnight? I'm sure HK is bending over backwards to make a good impression. And your DD was probably wearing her angel wings too. That's good--everyone on their best behavior trying to get along. Great. Super. It would be worse if HK was a screaming witch who gave your kids nightmares--and there are several people on this site whose children have dealt with people like that.

Once the novelty wears off everybody will get back to real life. Sparkly comes and goes but you are her mama. Mama trumps all.

I know it's hard when they aren't with you and you imagine that HK is bonding with your kids and trying to replace you. Ain't gonna happen. Try to see your kid-free time as a chance to recharge your batteries and do things just for you.

They will always come home to you. You are the constant, the role model. THE MAMA!

[This message edited by meaniemouse at 2:34 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)]

Exit Wounds posted 8/27/2013 14:56 PM

I am absolutely speechless...
But I wanted to send you hugs and strength!
((((((Newlysingle))))))

Markone posted 8/27/2013 16:08 PM

It's hard to swallow. I went through this in my first D (no infidelity) when my ex had her boyfriend move in. They even bought rings to pretend they were married (and avoid losing spousal support). He hardly worked . The pinnacle came when he sat me down and told me that it was great that he had the kind of "job" that allowed him to attend all of my son's baseball games (while I worked my ass off as the corporate slave allowing her to stay at home since the kids were born) On top of that, my son started accidentally calling me by his name. It was awful at the time.

Several years later - first, Karma dealt with the boyfriend's lazy ass, my son can barely remember him, and even my ex-W has apologized repeatedly. In the end, I feel better knowing that at least this guy tried to be a 'dad' and did treat them well. Much better than the alternative.

That all said he wasn't an OM, so I can imagine how that brings a whole other level of difficulty.

Just wanted you to know that despite Hello Kitty's "play Mom" attempts, your daughter will always know and love her real Mom.

[This message edited by Markone at 4:11 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)]

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