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Did you feel relief after filing for D

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whatamidoing posted 8/26/2013 19:27 PM

I remember feeling better with each milestone DD and separation and so on like everything was clear and I didn't feel crazy anymore
Today I filed my papers for D and I feel some peace?!
I am sad the M didn't work and I am dissapointed XWH had and A and didn't want me but I feel like I am at the end and it seems ok?
I was freaking out for the last ? months fighting and working and trying and now there is nothing to do but move on
I hope this isn't just anouther stop on the roller coaster and really a beginning to me getting peace
anyone else just feel relief or peace with the end of this fight ?

Nature_Girl posted 8/26/2013 19:36 PM

The relief came on the day I kicked him out/had him served. Filing & waiting for the paperwork & process server to be ready was a living hell on earth. I was so certain he would find out what I was up to & murder me. So when I actually was able to pull off getting him out of the house and live to tell the tale? Euphoria & relief, all in one!

fallingquickly posted 8/26/2013 19:44 PM

When I finally decided to file it was like letting go. I had been gaslighted for a long time so I had felt crazy, then at DD I felt destroyed. It's been over two years since DD#1. I've fought hard for my marriage but went through a DD#2 and lots of TT.

The decision to let go of the marriage and file did give me some peace. I didn't have to fight for a marriage by myself anymore. There have still been times when I cry but not the same as before. I hope that you find peace and happiness.

eyesrnowopen posted 8/26/2013 19:45 PM

Meeting with WH and his IC this week to discuss where we go from here. He has basically said MC is too slow for him and hard. He feels like we have wasted time and money and he just wants me to forgive and let him return home. If I can't he is keeping his paycheck out of our joint account and we can figure out who pays what.

Well guess what? he does not get to decide. I have another opinion. The MC has allowed me to see how far gone my WH with his anger and resentment. Unlike WH, I have found these months and money spent on MC invaluable to me and my ability to see him clearly and detach. I am somewhat calm as I know he will not agree to put his check in our joint account and resume MC. I meet with my L the next day to file and I am so ready and at peace to end this crazy for me and my kids. I have all ducks in a row and our Ls can decide who pays what.

inconnu posted 8/26/2013 19:56 PM

It wasn't relief, exactly, because I was devastated that I had to file and that I would be divorced. But, I did get my self respect back, and I knew it was the right thing for me to do, and I felt like I was finally back in control of my life. The actual feeling of relief came about 2 months after I filed, when I had had enough time off the crazy train to see things (aka the marriage) for what it was and realize just how much gaslighting had gone on.

whatamidoing posted 8/26/2013 20:02 PM

I kicked him out I did our separations agreement separated our finance I have learned I am so strong and can do this all
But I am hoping I can hold a piece of this peace
I fought hard
I told him we were going to file jointly I did the papers and we took them in today and even he seemed calm
If I could have picked an end to my marriage (that I never wanted to end ha ha) today would have been it
I am sorry he said and meant it
I love you
I want to stay here for a while! I am so tired and so jumpy with anxiety and I just want to stay here and breath and hope and enjoy
Thanks to all of you for pushing me through each dragged out stage
I am hoping I am through the tough stuff for a bit anyway!

Pippy posted 8/26/2013 21:51 PM

Sadness would describe the day I filed. I handled my own D, so after the papers were sent back 4 times, the day I got my D was utter relief.

fallingquickly posted 8/26/2013 21:51 PM

Hang in there.


Phoenix1 posted 8/26/2013 23:05 PM

I just filed last Friday. There was an immediate sense of relief followed by an extreme bout of anxiety (pent up nerves, probably). The sadness was overwhelming. However, I am glad to see the end in sight and knowing that I no longer have to put of a phony façade of civility for the purpose of getting him to play nice and sign. I will feel even better when the judge signs off and it is truly official (a month or so), and I am already making plans for my new life free of lies, secrecy, and general bullshit.

dmari posted 8/27/2013 01:10 AM

I don't think I felt relief but I did feel productive. I was sad and confused when I first saw my attorney.

I KNOW I will feel relief once I actually get divorced. I just wanted to gently warn you that what I thought would be a quick divorce with little roller coaster dips ended up being big roller coaster dips because stbx is a crazy idiot

Congratulations on filing! That is a HUGE step towards your new beginning!

Dreamboat posted 8/27/2013 07:28 AM

I felt empowered for the first time when I filed. I finally had some kind of control of the crazy situation. Peace started to come after the D was final

TrustGone posted 8/27/2013 07:50 AM

Yes, sort of. I felt more in control of my life than I ever had before. The nasty divorce took 2.5yrs and cost a ton of money that took me another 5yrs to pay off. XWH#1 is still trying to make my life hell through my DS19. Now I am also dealing with WH#2. I don't know what I have done to deserve not one but two WH's.

7yrsflushed posted 8/27/2013 07:52 AM

Yep, first time I felt at peace in years. No more stressing and wondering. I had made the decision and was done. Sure there are still things to be done but making a decision and finally taking the steps helped greatly. I was officially closing the door on that chapter in my life and it was time to move forward towards better things for myself and my children.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 7:54 AM, August 27th (Tuesday)]

ButterflyGirl posted 8/27/2013 08:48 AM

I don't know if actually filing for D gave me relief, but actually deciding to D was the relief part for me.

What's not my problem anymore?

His bad hygiene.
His complete disrespect of people, animals, and even things.
His emotional abuse.
His intimidation.
His FOO issues that he never even realized he had. (And still doesn't realize he has).
His dirty laundry.
His inability to figure out the dishwasher, washer, or dryer.
His inability to fix anything, even if it just takes a screwdriver.
His horrible attitude about everything, but especially his complaining about adult responsibilities.
His cheating (duh).
His constant watching of ESPN and yelling at the Yankees when they lose (like they can actually hear him, dumbass).
His disrespect of women.
His inability to just have a few drinks at a party, always turning into that person you can't reason with anymore.
His inability to handle finances or fill out paperwork.
His obsession with collectibles, always having to have EVERY LAST PIECE of a set. Even the kids toys, every Thomas train, every superhero, every McFarland figure, etc....
His expectation of me to be the perfect wife and mother and a career woman at the same time.
His expectation of me to always be the one to say "sorry" for something after an argument and bring us back to some sort of communication.
His expectation of me to handle school/homework/extracurriculars/doctor/dentist/parent-teacher conferences, etc....
His short-man syndrome.
His constant excuses for why he didn't do things.
His constant promises that he was just about to do <ABC> if I just hadn't <XYZ>.
His complete lack of appreciation for my family.
His complete lack of appreciation of ME.

I could go on and on, but YES, I definitely felt relief when I finally decided it was time to divorce. It was an emotional relief. I was DONE trying to "fix" him and "help" him through his issues.

Is there complete "relief" now? Not really. This divorce has been going on since November, I've already spent over $12,000 in legal fees, and we aren't anywhere near being finalized with trial to be scheduled soon. I will feel more relief when things are settled and the rules are set in stone, but I'm still feeling emotional relief that he fired me from many, MANY jobs that are NOT MY PROBLEM anymore..

It's hard to let go of someone you love and care about so much. There is definite relief when you finally decide that it's time to let go, and you are confident in that decision. I always wanted to help him feel better about himself, help him enjoy his life, help him appreciate the things he has in his life and stop being mad about the things he doesn't have. (Wasn't it my job to do that as his wife?). But there is definite RELIEF that I don't carry the burden of dealing with those things anymore. Considering we have children together, there will be issues for quite a while having to deal with him, but there are so many things that are not my problem anymore. I don't give a rat's ass how he is "feeling" anymore. Forcing our relationship to be about kids and finances only is a definite relief.

Hugs to you girl. I hope your divorce goes smoothly and you continue feeling at peace with your decision.

brokenandconfuse posted 8/27/2013 09:16 AM


Wow, you just described my stbx! Except he is handy at fixing things. Just not for me.

I just felt sad, but I think that was partly due to the severe depression that I am just now starting to slowly climb out of.

hexed posted 8/27/2013 09:21 AM

yes. i filed exactly a year after Dday. there was still a lot of roller coaster emotions and even more false R. I distinctly remember that being the first time I felt a little bit in control of my future again.

BrokenDaisy posted 8/27/2013 09:43 AM

It's the first time something felt "right". I felt I had some control again. it was the start of me detaching from stbxwh. I was still in BS fog at that stage and thought we'd still R but I knew I needed divorce. I convinced myself it was to restart and end the sham of a marriage so we can rebuild from a proper foundation. Turns out it felt right because in my gut I knew it was over and I should move on I just wasn't ready to accept it fully but at least I set the ball rolling. I'll be divorced by mid October and relief is certainly a big emotion I'm feeling currently! Best decision I made since dday, it is the point where I finally started opening up my eyes and accepting my reality.

Williesmom posted 8/27/2013 19:54 PM

My relief came when the D was final. At that point, it felt like I was finally in control of my life.

newlysingle posted 8/27/2013 23:02 PM

I felt sad, but relief at the same time. I think for me it was empowering to gain some control over the situation. He had held all the cards up until then.

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