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Newest Member: Questiounanswere (45696)

User Topic: Relationship Issue Vent
mysticpenguin
♀ 38839
Member # 38839
Flame  Posted: 8:08 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

we are in an open relationship/marriage

[This message edited by mysticpenguin at 6:12 PM, October 25th (Friday)]


Betrayed

Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2013
purplejacket4
♀ 34262
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I personally would never pick a human (especially a cheat) over an animal unless there was a medical or safety issue involved.

One of fWS's redeemable characteristics is she loves animals as much as I do. I think 90% of people would have put our crazy overly sensitive practically autistic 95lb black lab down. We just pay for new couches (three) and vet bills (Prozac, etc). I 'm typing this with a broken third finger due to her, ahem, exuberance.

BTW he's using her as a rug sweeping device. Prick.


Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2294 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
mysticpenguin
♀ 38839
Member # 38839
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by mysticpenguin at 10:08 PM, October 19th (Saturday)]


Betrayed

Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2013
mysticpenguin
♀ 38839
Member # 38839
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

24 hours after the initial argument, and we're in separate rooms (he's in the living room watching a movie, I'm in another room goofing around on the internet)... I walk into the kitchen (opens to dining room & living room, no walls) for some food....

Him: "What are you doing in here? Can't I be alone?"
Me: "I need something to eat."
Him: "Are you going to COOK something right now?!?"
Me: "No, I'm just getting food."
Him: "I just want to be alone. Can't I just be alone?"

I got my food and left. Why the hell did he say I shouldn't stay the night at my dad's just to treat me like this?

I mean seriously?

And he says he cheated on me because last year I didn't give him the connection he needed.

What the fuck.

[This message edited by mysticpenguin at 6:12 PM, October 25th (Friday)]


Betrayed

Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2013
Threnody
♀ 1558
Member # 1558
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"The fuck" it is is abuse.

When are you going to put a stop to it?


If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve. ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown

Posts: 14040 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My STBX got rid of our cat abruptly, no warning, when she got a treatable medical condition. He wasn't even going to give the children the opportunity to say goodbye, but I raised Holy Hell and told him he could wait 60 seconds & let the kids give the cat a pet. We were all stunned, STBX simply grabbed the cat carrier, shoved the cat in the carrier and stormed out of the house. I had to physically assault him to get him to stop long enough for the kids to say goodbye. We were all extremely traumatized. The kids to this day cry for their kitty cat. Heck, even I cry for her. She was a loyal, loving, gentle cat who didn't deserve what STBX did to her.

I implore you not to let your WH get rid of your dog. You will never get over it. I know we won't get over having our cat gotten rid of.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 9999 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
mysticpenguin
♀ 38839
Member # 38839
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NG - omg, omg, omg, omg, omg.

FWIW, I firmly believe all animals go to heaven and I am certain your kitty is in a happy place, waiting to meet you at the rainbow bridge. And probably claw your ex's eyes out.

What am I doing about this? Baby steps. I am not catering to his every whim as I usually would. I am not apologizing, walking on eggshells, killing myself cleaning every surface in our home trying to appease him or make him happy. I will not reward him (by cleaning, trying to appease him, walking on eggshells) for this behavior.

I should add that we are in an open relationship.

[This message edited by mysticpenguin at 6:13 PM, October 25th (Friday)]


Betrayed

Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2013
mysticpenguin
♀ 38839
Member # 38839
Default  Posted: 11:42 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Annnnd now I ventured into the living room for a cup of milk and he goes, "Do you want the couch or the bed?" I say I want the couch. He goes, "No I'll sleep on the couch so it can't be used against me."

I do not use shit like that AGAINST him.

At this point, this feels like no matter WHAT I say or do, it will be used against me.

[This message edited by mysticpenguin at 12:43 AM, August 27th (Tuesday)]


Betrayed

Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2013
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:15 AM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're right, it is a set up. It's a no-win scenario no matter how you play it. I'm so sorry.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 9999 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
WoundedOpus
♀ 39521
Member # 39521
Default  Posted: 5:59 AM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a PA a**hole :( It is clearly pointless to engage in arguments with him, he's setting them all up as a no-win for you, so just keep doing what you're doing, consistency from you is key. Not that I'm saying it will change him, but it will help you see that's it's not you...the only person you can control is you...codependency habits are a real b*tch to break!


Me: BW 37
Him: WH 38
(DDay: 2/2008)
13 years, 5 kids...Six years of Limbo

I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well." ~ Diane Ackerman


Posts: 178 | Registered: Jun 2013
WoundedOpus
♀ 39521
Member # 39521
Default  Posted: 5:59 AM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a PA a**hole :( It is clearly pointless to engage in arguments with him, he's setting them all up as a no-win for you, so just keep doing what you're doing, consistency from you is key. Not that I'm saying it will change him, but it will help you see that's it's not you...the only person you can control is you...codependency habits are a real b*tch to break!


Me: BW 37
Him: WH 38
(DDay: 2/2008)
13 years, 5 kids...Six years of Limbo

I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well." ~ Diane Ackerman


Posts: 178 | Registered: Jun 2013
hardtimesinlife
♀ 10468
Member # 10468
Default  Posted: 7:12 AM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I would respond with "F You" every time he opened his mouth. That is horrible. You shouldn't have to defend walking into the kitchen. He's playing games. Tell him to leave the home if he needs to be alone. It's your house too.


Ddays 2004 & 2007
I cut my losses mid 2013
Feeling happier every day :)

Posts: 6154 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Florida
sunflowergirl30
♀ 28979
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have had neurotic dogs. Its horrible for the dog and horrible for you.

Not everyone can deal with it. Separate from the infidelity....it is draining.

Have you tried using a gentle leader? They are amazing! Like what they use for horses.

My 75 Lb standard poodle whos the size of a small great dane has to use one. Hes 5 yrs old now and a hyper mess! Spent 100's on obedience. He does great in class but in real life he is a DONKEY!


Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.
Wh-lying, cheater now 37
Me- crazy bs now 38
2 teens and a dog
Mow- married old whore now 50


1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010


Posts: 1107 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
doggiemom12
36041
Member # 36041
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you leave the house? Get something in writing that just because you are leaving it doesn't mean you are giving up any rights to the property? That's what I had to do with my psycho late ex.

And take the dog with you. He is abusing you dear and you need to stop it.

Hugs


White bird must fly or she will die . . .

Posts: 268 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: in divorce land
mysticpenguin
♀ 38839
Member # 38839
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

redundant :) sorry

[This message edited by mysticpenguin at 10:09 PM, October 19th (Saturday)]


Betrayed

Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2013
confused615
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This man is abusive towards you. Do you recognize this?


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7897 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
mysticpenguin
♀ 38839
Member # 38839
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I recognize that sometimes when he gets really really really angry, he treats me in a destructive way. Not all the time by any means and not even every time we fight.

[This message edited by mysticpenguin at 2:41 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)]


Betrayed

Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2013
purplejacket4
♀ 34262
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Has your vet tried prozac? It has been an absolute God send for us. No more ripping the house to shreds!!!


Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2294 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
confused615
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He won't have sex with you..and he tells you he doesn't want you around..in the living room because he wants to watch a movie..or in the kitchen(when you are hungry) because he wants to be alone.


He tells you to get rid of your dog...who NEEDS you..because having her around makes him resent you.

He says horrible things about this poor dog..and you cry..and he gets angry at you for crying.


he tells you it's not just his lack of sex drive that makes him want to have sex with you.

Then after he spews all this shit at you..he gets shitty because you're crying and "too sensitive."

This is emotional abuse.

He calls you stupid. And makes jabs at your upbringing. He calls you selfish.

This is verbal abuse.


You're right..he's had 5 years to see YOU. And he hasn't..or he has..and he just doesn't care. This is not how you treat someone you love. He says you're trying to make the two of you into something your not. What does he mean by that?


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7897 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Kierst13
♀ 39197
Member # 39197
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm going to play a little devil's advocate.

How often does your dog growl at him? How *serious* does she sound?

I'm not sure I would be ok with my husband having a dog that growled at me. I wouldn't feel safe or comfortable around a dog like that.


Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!

Posts: 347 | Registered: May 2013
Topic Posts: 32
Pages: 1 · 2

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