My ex-husband has had issues with mental illness - depression and anxiety for a long time. On two occassions I have stopped contact between him and the kids when he was behaving in a manner that either hurt the kids or made them feel threatened. We would then do a staged re-introduction and things would get back to normal for a few months.
We actually hadnt had anything go wrong for perhaps two years or so and then six months ago he started smacking them, shouting at them and making them feel unsafe. he would always blame the kids, saying that if they behaved better, he wouldnt have to do it.
We all met as a family when this last happened and I told him that hurting the kids, screaming at them and making them feel unsafe was not an appropriate form of discipline, and that if it happened again, I would stop him seeing the kids.
This weekend he got mad with my ten year old daugher because she was mouthy. She was sitting on the couch, so he pulled her off the couch by the arm, dragged her out the front door, down the step and slammed the door.
Later in the day they were having a meal and she was being silly at the table, so he saw red and threw a glass of water in her face.
Today I have contacted CPS. They dont get involved directly here unless both parents are not able to care for the kids, but they have logged my call. They have also given me resources on anger management and parenting to pass onto him. We will also attend Family Mediation as I need him to hear from a third party that THIS IS NOT OKAY.
My son slept very badly last night. He is a gorgeous little six year old boy, thatch of red hair, all arms and legs. His dad has also thrown him out of the door, dragged him places by the ear, picked him up by one arm and flung him in a car.
I have decided no contact without supervision for the foreseeable future.
My eldest daughter (nearly 13) has always been her dad's loyal ally, but it was her that told me all this, her that sent me a text Sunday to tell me what happened. She was upset when I made the decision I did about ending contact, but later in the day she said "you know what, its for the best. He is a grown man and he needs to understand there are consequences for his actions". Wow, she is wider than her dad.
I also contacted the younger two kids' school and had a good chat with their principal. She is arranging visit with a psychologist through their school, and because of my income level it shouldnt cost me anything.
My son told me yesterday he wanted a new dad. How heartbreaking that a six year old should feel that way.
Thanks for listening, had to get it out so I can actually be productive at work today.
Please do more than contact your do-nothing CPS. Tell the children's pediatrician, and get your kids in counseling ASAP (your pedi should be able to make a referral). You might even want to think about filing a police report.
Hugs to you and your sweet children that deserve better.
Can you go in and see the CPS people? In person?
Surely this falls under their jurisdiction? WTF - so its OK if only one parent is abusing them?
This is abuse. Emotional, psychological and physical. It has nothing to do with the kids and everything to do with his poor coping mechanisms.
Oh AB. I hope you and the kids are OK. It kills me that a 10 year old needs to be that wise but I am sure glad she is. Bless her.
((AppleBlossom and kids))
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler
You did the right thing by ending contact.
CPS here dont necessarily have to investigate each and every incident that is reported. As I have advised them that I have stopped the children seeing them, then they do not believe they need to step in. However, I do believe that I need some additional support with this matter, as I need to make sure I am dealing with this in the best interests of the children in the long term. I feel absolutely fine about my decisions at the moment, but the hard part will be if and when he changes his behaviour, how and when and in what capacity we go back to the kids seeing him. I have a friend who works for CPS and she is away at the moment, but I will have a good chat with her when she gets back.
In terms of filing a police report, that is something that I may consider later. At the moment the kids are safe, they are not seeing him and it has been a large adjustment firstly understanding that their dad has broken his promise not to hurt them, and that they are not seeing him for a little while. I am not so sure that adding police interviews into the mix is a great idea. However, when we attend Mediation I will certainly let him know that this is the way this is heading.
We do not have any sort of orders in place for visitation or custody, as we are not required to under Australian Family Law. That actually works in my favour, as he would need to seek Orders from the Family Court if he does not agree with my stance. As CPS believe that I have taken the correct action, and all of this is documented, it would be difficult for him to represent him as a safe parent. I have given him the option of coming over this side of town to see them, but he is dreadfully lazy, and hasnt done that yet, so I dont think he will start now.
Someone asked about counselling, and that is being arranged through the younger childrens' school. My eldest daughter is refusing to talk to anyone but me, and for now that is okay because she is coping well. My only concern is that perhaps she needs to speak to a third party to make sure there is no bias, but if her dickhead father insists then he can pay for it.
I am okay, feeling fragile in myself, but like a lioness when it comes to my kids. I can see their father for what he is, and as I was abused as a child by my father and had very little protection by my mum, my kids need to know that I will protect them with every breath in my body.
Did I also mention this piece of shit pays NO child support. Not a red cent.
He is a prick of the lowest order.
