What would you do? Or maybe I just need to vent...
I am in the lucky position to rent a large house with a nice ocean view on a quiet street at a very, very reasonable rent. My landlady knows I take good care of the house and pay for small repairs myself, so in 5 years she never raised my rent. I am financially in a position to afford the house on my own. It is a bit big for my 2 girls and me, but certainly very comfortable when we have visitors and guests over.
In 2012, when XH moved out I moved upstairs and took in a friend and her 2 daugthers (15 and 16) who live downstairs. She was losing her house to the bank and leaving her drug and alcohol addicted husband who also was a hoarder. She needed a roof over her head and her girls needed stability.
We sat down back then and talked money and the need for her to protect herself and her girls and file for separation/divorce from him right away as he was incurring debt, driving their marital car unregistered and uninsured etc. I told her I can do this roommate situation for a year until she is back on her feet financially but probably not much longer unless things work really well between us and our girls.
In the beginning, things worked well. Everybody pulled their weight in the house and it was okay.
So, here I am about a year later and now have reached the end of my rope:
- Their two rooms (a large den and bedroom) and at times their bathroom are a complete pigsty. The carpet is ruined from who knows what, it smells, she constantly has dirty dishes with mold growing on the leftovers sitting in her room, clothes and stuff laying everywhere. Her daughter lives pretty much in complete darkness in her room, never opens a window or airs it out. I am always making sure to close the door to their room when I have visitors as their room is the first think a guest would look into when they enter the house. I am truly embarassed. I know they nickname me the vacuum Nazi which I find offensive - we do have cats in the house, they shed, so I take about 10 minutes everyday to vacuum the upstairs and get rid of pet hair. I guess that is too clean...
-Several months after she moved in, she would do nothing but stay in bed all day long in PJs being on her computer. Helping around the house became sporadic. I confronted her, she was depressed (understandable) and on ADs. I don't think the doctor advised her to drink 4 - 5 bottles of beer a day though.
- While I was traveling in Europe in June with my girls she signed up on match.com. Since then, basically for two months straight, she has been out on dates every night except for maybe 3 or 4 days, has stayed out with some of these guys all night without letting anybody, including her panicked kids, know, has left her teenagers home alone knowing that I would be here at night, has not supervised them and left it to me to make sure to have groceries and clean their dirty dishes they left all over my kitchen; she has brought men over to the house and told me, while giggling, that she made out with some of them on my couch upstairs....seriously, at 45 you think that is funny?
- While my kids were gone this summer with their dad, I completely redid the upstairs and the deck. I paid for painting, carpet cleaning etc and reorganized my private rooms as well as all joined areas, such as the kitchen. I exchanged all furniture in my private rooms as well as all the furniture in our joined areas. She never once lifted a finger to help me with anything, yet, she brought one of her boyfriends over to show him the new digs...When I gave her notice that the carpet cleaners were coming and that I would pay for the carpet to be cleaned, she was too busy going out and left the floor covered with stuff so that cleaning the carpets were not an option.
- She has only now, after almost a year filed for divorce/separation while whining to me about her XH continuing to take money and overdrafting their accounts. Various places where her stbxh has occured debt are now suing her. All that could have been prevented if she had tried to get her life in order.
-Her stbxh got arrested for drunkenness in public and posession and gave the cops my address as his permanent address. He comes around to drop off stuff or hang out. I asked her many times not to have him come close to the house because being an addict and desperate he is unpredictable.
I am tired of enabling her and that's how I have been feeling now for months. She has a good deal, lots of space, always a full fridge and low rent. She does not cook, so for the past year, when I cooked when my girls are with me, I cooked for her and her girls as well. Leftovers were always theirs because she cannot afford to go and have lunch at work. I fed them for the most part, having paid for all meat/fish and and other more expensive groceries that were consumed. I never asked for money and did it because I knew she could not afford it.
However, having been treated like chopped liver for the last months and having her live this lifestyle of dating multiple men, worrying by whom she gets laid first and not pulling her weight have brought me to the brink of kicking her out. I feel sorry for the girls, because they have an absent drug addicted father who lives in his car and a mother who can't seem to get it together at age 45.
I am craving my place back and the peace of being alone in my house. A few weeks ago I had a long conversation with her that this behavior was not acceptable. She made 'nice' one evening and then continued. So now that she realized that I am withdrawing, not cooking anymore, labeling my groceries so they are not constantly being used up without being replaced, she is making nice again. Why do people take kindness for weakness? All of sudden I am the bad guy in the house for not wanting to put up with this any longer.
I will never have roommates again if I can avoid it, that is for sure.
[This message edited by fraeuken at 10:08 PM, August 26th (Monday)]