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pappabear (original poster member #26301) posted at 4:20 AM on Tuesday, August 27th, 2013
Good mooring everybody,
For the longest time I was a BS....now I a a Wh :( Is this where I can post....sorry a little confused but I think I have a lot to bring to the table....expecially for all BS
BH-35
WW-35
D-Day 15 August 2009
2 kids 7 and 17
homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 4:23 AM on Tuesday, August 27th, 2013
I'm not sure, but I'd love to hear what you have to say,
Maybe a moderator will let you know soon.
Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55
Deeply Scared ( Administrator #2) posted at 4:32 AM on Tuesday, August 27th, 2013
pappabear...
A moderator sent you the Madhatter rules so please pick the forum and 'hat' you're wearing to post under 
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
MystiKay ( member #36401) posted at 4:45 AM on Tuesday, August 27th, 2013
Just curious. Sense you are a mad hatter have you gone back and read your posts form when you were a BS? And compaired what you felt then to what you feel now?
pappabear (original poster member #26301) posted at 4:21 AM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
Yes I have; I am ending the A tonight. Believe it or not this relationship I had even though it was short finally gave me closure. I no longer think about her A and become upset because I understand. It makes you feel young again; it was nothing she did wrong; it was purley selfish. Please do not get me wrong I am not saying that having an A yourself is the cure, it just happened. When I do tell my wife it will be in full detail and I will beg for her forgiveness. I will not keep it from her.
BH-35
WW-35
D-Day 15 August 2009
2 kids 7 and 17
gonnabe2016 ( member #34823) posted at 4:24 AM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
So it gave you *closure*? What, because now you're *even*?
Are you kidding me???
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
hardtimesinlife ( member #10468) posted at 5:08 AM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
I'm disturbed by this post, pappabear. You don't even feel remorse? You had a "relationship" while married and feel ok about that? I think what you did was have an RA. And, the point of an RA is precisely to tell your wife all the details. I think you should dig deeper. Do you like yourself now? Would you be proud if your kids knew? Would you understand if your wife did it again, and felt younger?
Ddays 2004 & 2007
I cut my losses mid 2013
Feeling happier every day :)
stilllovinghim ( member #29971) posted at 5:43 AM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
Papa, I responded to your post in Wayward but this:
it was nothing she did wrong; it was purley selfish.
Wait....what??!! 
I can't even...so she was innocent but selfish? Are we talking about the same person? An adult, right? Not a two year old. Did you accidently mean for that sentence to go towards a text regarding a child in another forum or personal text to someone you know? I mean....for the love of....*smh*
Eta: I'm guessing you're saying that because you feel it applies to you as well.
[This message edited by stilllovinghim at 11:44 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)]
“You have a choice. Live or die.Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. Every time you don't throw yourself down the stairs, that's a choice. Every time you don't crash your car, you re-enlist.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor
pappabear (original poster member #26301) posted at 5:06 PM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
No I do not feel closure because I feel *even*...I just understand...it's hard to resist. Few more minutes my W will be home and I will tell her. This sucks!!! I know now how she felt when she told me...but I will not leave out anything...get it right the first time. I hope she beleives me that there was no sex...there is no reason for me to lie here.
BH-35
WW-35
D-Day 15 August 2009
2 kids 7 and 17
SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 5:10 PM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
I am not saying that having an A yourself is the cure, it just happened
No it didn't! You fed it. You chose it. You made it happen. It was a decision.
BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson
PrincessPeach06 ( member #39588) posted at 5:14 PM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
I am sorry but I wouldn't even want to put my worst enemy through the hell I'be been through...let alone my WS. If I want to feel "young" I will go hang out in a nursing home.
Me (BS): 36
Him aka narcissistic psychopath (WS): 36
Married 17 years 6 kids ages 16-7
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013
Finally this is R 8/14/13
Filed for divorce 5/8/15
struggling3 ( member #34671) posted at 5:18 PM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
If I want to feel "young" I will go hang out in a nursing home.
This made me chuckle...in the middle of a post that was mostly making me sick.
Me - BS 58
H - WS 60/very remorseful and supportive
discovered 4 month long EA
R - slow and steady but very optimistic
Jennifer99 ( member #39551) posted at 6:04 PM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
I'm always trying to be more understanding of individuals and not lump people into generalizations and be more forgiving.
May I ask a question as a BS?
Do you think "it's hard to resist" was true for you now because you knew about her A? Do you think this A for you would have happened without that knowledge?
pappabear (original poster member #26301) posted at 6:38 PM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
Yes I do :( I didn't come to that conclusion until after
BH-35
WW-35
D-Day 15 August 2009
2 kids 7 and 17
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 6:49 PM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
----posting as a member----
it just happened
Huge cop out. It didn't just happen. You made choices that landed you where you are. Until you can own those choices and stop looking at this as something that just occurred, you really WON'T get it. At all.
ETA: Also, please consider updating your tagline to reflect your madhatter status. I know many folks rely on the tagline to understand the poster's situation and perspective when responding to threads.
[This message edited by nowiknow23 at 2:00 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)]
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
Jennifer99 ( member #39551) posted at 6:49 PM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
May I ask another question?
Did you ever contemplate and RA or fantasize about an RA?
pappabear (original poster member #26301) posted at 8:00 PM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
Yes I did coniplate a RA...never did it but I did think about it...and yes it just happened believe it or not...her husband has ignored her for two years...she was in tears and I got scared and held her...she looked up and kissed me...we kissed for at least 5 minutes...it felt amazing....I am not ashamed of saying that....but I am done....and I am ashamed of what I did....but still care about the AP....
BH-35
WW-35
D-Day 15 August 2009
2 kids 7 and 17
Jennifer99 ( member #39551) posted at 8:18 PM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
Had you known each other a long time?
Aubrie ( member #33886) posted at 8:21 PM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
her husband has ignored her for two years
How do you know? Do you live with them? Or is that what she told you? You do know that cheaters are also liars right?
So she was scared and you kissed her. Why did you kiss her? Do you kiss all scared women you meet?
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne
Deeply Scared ( Administrator #2) posted at 8:26 PM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
How do you know? Do you live with them?
Sorry...that was a good one
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
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