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Divorce/Separation :
Is it normal to feel as if you're dreaming?

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 Ariabook (original poster member #39669) posted at 5:32 AM on Tuesday, August 27th, 2013

It's like my mind refuses to believe all of this is/ has been happening?

posts: 75   ·   registered: Jun. 26th, 2013   ·   location: Newwhere
id 6464354
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pregnantandsad ( member #40141) posted at 5:53 AM on Tuesday, August 27th, 2013

That's the way I have been feeling this whole time (about 7 weeks) and it's just now really starting to hit me that this isn't a nightmare.

The 1st couple weeks I would wake up thinking it was all a dream, then when I realized it was real I could hardly breath. Now I am slowly accepting that this is my new reality and figure out where to go from here. Not easy and I am sorry you are here too

M 7 years, together for 12
2 kids- DD5 & DD 1 1/2
D-Day 7/2013 - Divorced!

posts: 160   ·   registered: Aug. 1st, 2013   ·   location: California
id 6464370
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NWfleur ( member #35874) posted at 6:16 AM on Tuesday, August 27th, 2013

Oh yeah. I would bolt awake at all hours of the night thinking, this cannot be happening.

Those first few months I floated around like I was in a dream. I think it's how our brains deal with trauma.

Now, a year and a half plus later, I'm feeling great and so much happier...and yet I STILL wake up in the middle of the night and think...WTF? I think about our beautiful years together, when things were good and I trusted him and never, ever would have predicted this...I think about the births of our kids...and still just can't believe it happened the way it did.

I think maybe in some ways that feeling of it being a dream/nightmare never fully goes away???

Me BS (39)
Him WS (36)
2 DS
M: 9 years (together 13)
DD: 4/10/2012
(Separated since 12/11...affair began ??!!)

Divorced!!!

posts: 336   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2012   ·   location: USA
id 6464385
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Nature_Girl ( member #32554) posted at 6:18 AM on Tuesday, August 27th, 2013

Very normal. It's your mind trying to protect you from the pain of your reality.

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

posts: 10722   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2011   ·   location: USA
id 6464387
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newlysingle ( member #38735) posted at 7:55 AM on Tuesday, August 27th, 2013

Yes, I feel the same. When I think about our previous life together, I feel the same way. Us getting married, having our babies, getting the dog, etc. It all seems like it was a dream now.

BW - Me (40)
XWH -The Gnat
"Engaged" to OW, but the wedding appears to be indefinitely postponed.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (8), 1 DS (3)
Dday 3/13
Happily Divorced 9/20/13

posts: 1273   ·   registered: Mar. 17th, 2013   ·   location: AZ
id 6464417
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nomistakeaboutit ( member #36857) posted at 11:10 AM on Tuesday, August 27th, 2013

Yes. I'm sure it's as Nature Girl said - a self-preservation mechanism built into our brains somehow. It's completely normal. For the first week, or so, I truly wondered if maybe, just maybe, I was going to wake up from a dream (nightmare). For the next couple of weeks, I still couldn't believe it was true (that my wife had cheated on me), but the "hope" that I would be waking from a dream started to fade.

You're lucky to have found SI this early in the process of discovering the betrayal. I found it a bit later, so I wasn't able to do sanity checks like the one you're doing with this post.

Sorry you're here. Good luck to you.

Me: BH 65.........Her: WW 55
DD: 15.......DS: 12. (5 and 2 on DDay)
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................

posts: 1306   ·   registered: Sep. 18th, 2012   ·   location: U.S.A.
id 6464459
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Ashland13 ( member #38378) posted at 12:14 AM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013

Yes...I think and feel it's a fog of it's own, an unreality, perhaps, that our mind finds in order to handle things as they come.

So much shock.

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

posts: 3034   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2013   ·   location: New England
id 6465397
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Phoenix1 ( member #38928) posted at 12:28 AM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013

I was a functioning zombie for at least the first two months after the last D-Day. It is normal, but will slowly start to fade as the shock wears off and your brain starts to come to terms with your new reality. I went through the motions of daily life and dealing with the upheaval, but really could not tell you exactly what I did as it is all very hazy. Time really does help so hang in there!

fBS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Adult Kids
Happily divorced!

You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~

posts: 9059   ·   registered: Apr. 9th, 2013   ·   location: Land of Indifference
id 6465412
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nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 12:51 AM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013

((((ariabook)))) It is normal, or at least what passes for normal in these conditions. Hang in there.

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

posts: 40250   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2011
id 6465444
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mof2 ( member #40287) posted at 12:53 AM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013

Totally normal. It is the brains way of helping you deal with the shock. Over the weeks ahead it will fade. Just hang in there!!!!

BW - Me 43
WH - Cheating Swine 43
Dday - February 12, 2013....a week before I was to give birth to the child I miscarried and 12 days before our 5th anniversary.

posts: 365   ·   registered: Aug. 12th, 2013   ·   location: DFW
id 6465448
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