Here's the thing. My IC says we still need to separate. That he won't really change without hitting the bottom and that he may never change at all. I was totally on board with that until this weekend when his attitude changed and he started saying all the stuff I listed above. Now I'm conflicted. Do I still make him move out and go to IC and see how things go or do we stay living together, stay in IC/MC and see how things go?
I would like the time and space away from him. But for some reason, it's so hard to demand that when he looks at me, cries, says he's sorry and that he wants to change it. I feel trapped and don't know what to do. Any suggestions?
Continue to work on yourself so that you aren't so torn by his tears. He has created this mess and he needs to be the one to fix it. Let him feel his pain. He needs to. It is good for him.
We don't have to do what our IC's suggest. They aren't gods. We get to make choices on what we feel is the right thing for us to do, too. Figure out what you really want, sparklezombie, and then follow that path.
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
What counts for me is this:
I would like the time and space away from him.
That's your gut communicating, IMO, and one's gut is usually pretty accurate (again, IMO).
The fact that you let his sadness, which may or may not be genuine, keep you from doing what you need to do is an issue, and I hope it's one that you and your IC are working on. His feelings are his to deal with.
The question you ask is: IC says separate. WH doesn't want to. What to do?
The answer is: Do what you think is best for you and your child.
If that means separate, well, your H just has to become an adult and remind himself that actions have consequences.
I know this is easier said than done. I have very little doubt, though, that doing what's best for you and your child will turn out to be best for your H and your M, too.
If however he continues with his sexual addiction, then it will be easier for you to move on if he isn't living with you.
I would go ahead and let him see what a life without you is like.. If he has cheated off and on for years you need to consider your child.
Do you want your child to see and hear those horrid fights we have when there is a cheater living with us?? No you want a warm and loving household. Tell him that he is out till he can prove to you he can give you and your child what you both need from him..
For one he needs to stay way from ANON partners. If he has to go to ANON then obviously he won't quit and obviously this will be a constant trigger for you. Right??
I say give you and the baby some space move him out and see how you feel.
At this point you should need more then tears and a few words of promises from him. You need him to show to you he can be faithful!