We live in a state that I have always hated. I have only stayed here for 16 years because of him. I am from another place and have been here 20 yrs. I have told him that it is his turn to sacrifice and we need to move back to my "home". In the beginning he said he was willing to do whatever I want, but now is not willing to move.
Also, I have been finding out the opposite of TT through the last couple of months. All the stuff I thought I knew has come back as either he made it up to give me an answer that he didn't have, or doesn't remember saying that or just has no idea what i am talking about.
So now I am no further with the truth than I was a week in to this deal. I know who she was - my BF, that she had his child and they used unprotected sex everytime for an extended (yet unknown) length of time. I know it ended in the summer of 2009 2 weeks before we found out she and her H (yeah right) were pregnant. I know it started between 2005 - 2007 (not from his confession, from dectective work). He first said 2008 then 2007 then 2006 now he is back to no idea, but no way as early as 06. He "remembers" sex 7 different times in a PA that lasted at least 1.5 yrs. He can't even wrap his mind around the EA (doesn't get it) that he was having for anywhere from 1-3 yrs prior to PA and about 1.5 - 2yrs after he ended the physical. He now thinks I am pounding on him and that I HAVE REGRESSED.
I told him I can't continue without the full story, which he claims he doesn't have. - I overheard him talking to his sponsor (mentor) on the phone when he thought I was sleeping and telling him that I wanted to know exactly how many times he had sex and some other stuff that was impossible for him to come up with. - Which is a downright lie. HE TOTALLY DOESN:T HEAR WHAT I SAY! I don't know how to continue. If he doesn't remember, I've told him he can write it down in order and use a timeline that I painstakingly recreated from "OUR" life to referrence. I told him he could "interview" the 20 people he told about it before he told me and see what they remember and he could even undergo hypnosis. So far, he still doesn't think he can possibly remember "the details".
I am stuck and right back to the bottom and don't know what to do.
[This message edited by broken0912 at 11:35 AM, August 27th (Tuesday)]
If I was in your shoes I would feel l,Ike a separation was in order. You need to heal yourself and your WS's waffling is doing you more harm then good. A shock to his system, the unexpected, seems to be needed to rejuvenate his mind and his intentions.
You are too good for this. You deserve better.
Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!
A relationship can't heal from one side.
Best of luck to you.
In some (not all) ways, it's easier to heal on your own than with your WS hanging around. You are responsible for healing yourself - and you can do it on your own.
He said he also talked to his daughter who has repeatedly lied to me through this R period to try to "PROTECT" her father and OW. She remembers WHERE he told her, but not when. Well it had to be in the first 3 months of 2007 or 2008. All he had to ask her was if she had her 3rd child by then. Since he was born in Oct of 07. Again, he is doing just enough, by contacting 2 people and asking 1 question. I have a million different ways of asking questions that would get any normal person to narrow down a timeline and some details, but it has not worked with my FWH - Evidently he has just blocked the whole thing out. He waited 3 yrs to tell me, so what is so front and center in my mind and current in my day to day, he has long ago let go of and hates having to deal with it (again) when we both figured out he never "dealt" with it in the first place. We are a week short of 1 year, and closer to D than ever. I am obsessed, a sobbing crying, screaming, mess, once again!
[This message edited by broken0912 at 11:35 AM, August 28th (Wednesday)]
I am not the least bit surprised you are struggling with the circumstances of his A. You have been doubly betrayed, by your WS and the OW. To add insult to injury, there is an OC. Have you checked out the OC thread in the I Can Relate forum?
We are in R.
And no, I haven't looked at the OC thread. Not sure I knew there was one, but I will. I always feel like my sit is diff. than others who produced an OC.
[This message edited by broken0912 at 9:20 AM, August 29th (Thursday)]