Your WH sounds like my WH, only I'm beginning to truly understand my WH and his last session with his IC really helped.
My WH is a little emotionally stunted, but he's earnest in trying become a better person; sometimes, it feels like I'm dealing with a child, and that gets annoying, but here's what's happening in our road to R:
Underneath ALL of the BS, he is actually the person I wanted to marry and be with. He often let me plan things and got resentful because of it, but really he didn't know how to articulate that he REALLY, REALLY wanted to help or that he REALLY, REALLY wanted to do it but he REALLY didn't know how. Take for instance our daughter: he REALLY wanted to help in terms of changing her diaper, in bathing her, feeding her, etc, but he honestly didn't know how and because I'd had experience in terms of raising my little brother, he left it to my "capable" hands. Now, however,, since we had a talk about what happened to him as a child, examined what the A did for him in terms of what he wanted but couldn't articulate, I now "make" him wash our daughter's hair even if he protests it a bit. I'll tell him what to do, stand back and let him do it, and once I see he's doing within the parameters of my instructions, I walk off and let him do it. Now, he washes her hair when it's his turn at putting her to bed and he washes her hair within the parameters that I set, but he now does it with his own flare too.
My WH often tells me: "It's whatever you want to do." But I don't let him get away with that because he has a problem with taking responsibility. Well, I "make" choose places we're going to eat, where we're going to hang out, what we're going to do. It gives him a much needed sense of control over his environment (something he didn't have due to some pretty horrific things in his FOO issues that he didn't even realize WERE a trauma).
And yes, there are things that he does that I REALLY don't care to do, but I'll do them anyway just because he likes them, but then again, I've been that way for majority of our relationship (doing things that he liked, hanging out with people that he wanted to and generally just being very accomodating), so now that I'm really pursuing my goals in terms of owning a business and fashion design, he's taking an avid interest and wants to "help" out (something he didn't get the chance to do a lot of as a child).
It takes A LOT of patience, but I've seen glimpses of the man that I knew I was going to marry and I sincerely want to get to R (as long as he keeps up the changes that he's making; if not, he's getting chucked).
It's like dealing with his inner child, but in the context of a grown man. It seems to me like you're starting to deal with your WH's inner child and that may take a lot of patience on your end in order to deal with that aspect of his personality, but he's also going to have to become VERY aware of himself, his behaviors and the fact that he may have a stunted inner child that even HE is going to have to have a conversation with.
Then again, the last few days have been good days so I may be on a positive kick more so than anything.
[This message edited by ShockedErica11 at 3:13 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)]