So, I find a text to his mom and sister and how he's disclosed our personal struggles. That I treat him bad. They are cold and catty to me. Do you think this is just his support system (mom and sister) protecting him or are they being catty with me because they only know one side of the story?
I can't help but feel how unfair this is. His other sister stopped talking to me when I took him back, my other sister in law told her friends after I asked her not to. Then, one of those friends asked my mom at the store!!! I feel so betrayed by so many people and I wasn't even the one cheating! I was sucking it up working, being faithful, miserable and supporting my family, including my fWH who was out partying, drinking, and blowing our money.
Any support system that he has needs to be friends of the marriage as well, IMO.
So sorry you are dealing with this.
I basically caught him drinking when he wasn't supposed to and he went to his parents house to tell them he might need a place to stay and how horrible I treat him...He failed to tell them the drinking part. So, now I look like an asshole. When he's damn lucky I gave him a chance. I know drinking's a hard habit to kick, but I don't want him falling into old habits if you know what I mean. Apparently, alchohol made him do those OW.
If he told his parents why he was staying there, do you think they would deny him? Maybe that's another motivator for him to stay on track.
Missy momma, that's good advice! Our MC's believe he isn't a SA bc SA have sex hundreds to thousands of times and he did not... His/our chemical dependency therapitsts say alchohol is the reason for his cheating. Not an excuse, but the reason....
When I was addicted to pain pills they didn't make me be irresponsible with money, not care about my choices, and certainly didn't force me to make bad decisions. I did that. Not the pills.
My husband is a sex addict. He still made a conscious choice to cheat, knowing it was wrong.
Alcohol and his affairs are related, yes, but don't let him blame the alcohol. I know you say his addiction counselor says this, but is he telling you that or the counselor? Is it a legit therapist?
Anyway, we too have agreed to only talk about each other in a positive manner to others, family or not. Maybe you could talk to your in-laws, with him there to give a true understanding.
Former 80s Icon wishful thinking
SA alcholic whatever his addiction there is no excuse to cut someone down if you love them!!!
Yes, both of them legit Kaiser MFT's one a psychologist as well. I know!! I so don't buy that either. But, all three of them keep telling me that. I think they convinced him as well!! That's why I still get pissed off once in a while. I can't shake the resentment. I KNOW this is going to be my dealbreaker. Not today or tomorrow, but one day I know I'm just going to kick him out, leave, and not feel bad or "do it for the kids."
I feel so confused. Most days things are good, then I think wtf am I doing?!?! I'm worth SO MUCH more than this...
Also is he going to AA? They'd set him straight real quick.
Its *dangerous* for him to have a scapegoat.
His/our chemical dependency therapitsts say alcohol is the reason for his cheating. Not an excuse, but the reason....
Total and utter BS (Bullshit!). Uneffingbelievable! Check the diplomas on their walls...they must have been printed off the internet. Or they got them in some fourth world country. Their heads are as far up their asses as your WH's. WTF?!?!?
Edit to add: Whether alcoholism, alcohol abuse, or an alcohol fueled night...no excuses or valid reasons exist, imho.
Alcoholism/chemical dependency is a disease. And unless I've missed something, cheating isn't one if it's side effects. Liberty...go with your gut. It will serve you well.
The "diploma" on my wall says: Nearly 19 years in recovery from alcoholism and chemical dependency (a nice way of saying drug addiction). Before sobriety, and until I "got it", I did three 28-day inpatient and also numerous outpatient programs over almost 4 years during my "chronic relapsing" phase. Thousands of AA & NA meetings.
[This message edited by JustDesserts at 7:21 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)]
Honey, you gotta get some boundaries. Speaking ill of you it out of line. Period. This man continues to be an unsafe partner for you.