SHM, we have the term TT for a reason: almost every wayward does it.
What were some ways that other WS kept their frustration and impatience from showing which I know causes more anger and hurt from their BS
Let's start with impatience. The BS's healing clock restarts at zero every time you TT. So, it has only been three weeks for her. If you're impatient after three weeks...you should adjust your expectations.
I find myself so angry at myself. I misdirect the anger and frustration toward her in defense of adding more pain.
That you recognize this (ETA: misdirecting) shows some emotional maturity. One of the biggest mistakes we make, though, is holding back our thoughts and feelings to "protect" them.
Here's what helped me a lot. My therapist said, when BH makes a cutting remark, you say "Ow." Then you take a second and identify what you're feeling, and you express your feeling in a blame-neutral way. Here's how you do that.
Getting defensive and reflecting your anger onto BS:
"When you call me a lying bitch, you make me feel like shit."
Expressing your feelings in a blame neutral way:
"Ow. When you called me a lying bitch, I felt hurt. And I feel angry at myself because I did lie to you, and I'm so ashamed."
[This message edited by 20WrongsVs1 at 3:37 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)]